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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A secret Santa one (peed off)

347 replies

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 10:28

Went out with girls from work and done secret Santa. The spend was £20. I got a tiny box of celebrations, cheap socks with my initial on and mug with my name inserted into a quote. It basically looked like a raffle and nowhere near £20 worth, a tenner at best. I had to sit there and watch others opening some lovely things - an ornament from next, no7 stuff, fuzzy duck, perfume. And the thing is I know full well who it was from. Obviously that person doesn't think as much of me as I hoped. Aibu to feel a little miffed? Id appreciate no hateful comments as I feel crap enough.

OP posts:
MaybeNotNo · 19/12/2025 10:31

It had your initial and your name on - thats not random unthinkingness.

Thats not regifting, that is something they have got for you.

Secret Santa is always shit.

cityanalyst678 · 19/12/2025 10:33

Don’t do it… it’s not worth all the rubbish that ends up in the charity bag. If it has to be done, a tree ornament is OK… you can always put it at the back!

Lovelynames123 · 19/12/2025 10:33

Maybe they didn't have £20 spare...our secret Santa is max a tenner, and is supposed to be something funny, at least they thought of you if it was personalised

LiteraryBambi · 19/12/2025 10:33

It's only a secret santa. Even if they only spent a tenner on you (though I doubt it was as little as that), does it really matter?

Just put it down to the person being a bit lazy or cheap but not a big deal.

Why is it making you feel so crap? Is there a backstory with this person?

Baby2duejuly2026 · 19/12/2025 10:34

I’d assume a personalised mug with your name on be around £10?

DappledThings · 19/12/2025 10:35

They sound like perfectly nice and normal SS presents. This is why I try to opt out of as much present exchanging as possible, someone will always take offence for no reason. It isn't a reflection of how they feel about you. Present exchanging is always hit and miss and a pointless stress.

mondaytosunday · 19/12/2025 10:35

A personalised mug at least a fiver. Socks with your initials? I did manage to find one on Etsy for £5 but the average was around £12 or more.
Anyway it’s always a crap shoot with Secret Santa.

SmileyMoonset · 19/12/2025 10:35

I’m sorry you didn’t like your gifts but a mug, socks and chocolates sounds like £20 worth to me.

it also sounds like the gifter tried to personalise the present which is more thoughtful than an ornament from Next in my opinion.

Secret Santa is always disappointing.

mumof5five · 19/12/2025 10:35

I think it was really thoughtful. I'd have loved to get a mug with my name on it. She might have had it made for you. I'd be grateful for sure. As others have said secret santa is crap as a concept anyway. As they say it's the thought that counts.

TheatricalLife · 19/12/2025 10:36

I don't think that's too awful if I'm honest. My friend got used hand cream one year! I've heard of others getting sex toys 😬I absolutely hate secret santa and refuse to take part. There's always someone disappointed/angry/upset and nobody needs the added stress. At one workplace we used to all bung a tenner in the pot and get a takeaway lunch instead which worked much better.

TokyoSushi · 19/12/2025 10:37

Mugs with your name on are quite expensive, £10 at least + postage.

UneAnneeSansLumiere · 19/12/2025 10:38

Lovelynames123 · 19/12/2025 10:33

Maybe they didn't have £20 spare...our secret Santa is max a tenner, and is supposed to be something funny, at least they thought of you if it was personalised

If the spend was £20 and they didn't have it, then they shouldn't have participated. That said, it's surprising how much cheap tat can end up costing, so those things could well have added up to £20.

Original poster
OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 10:39

I appreciate whats being said but it's not a generic work secret Santa, this person's supposed to be my friend and I know she wouldn't have got this for the others. I showed my friend and she agreed it was crap. I'll take the comments of not doing it again.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 19/12/2025 10:39

I suspect that the lovely things you saw were regifted gifts. Sounds like your person went to some effort to get something for you. Be nice. Use your mug at work.

DappledThings · 19/12/2025 10:40

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 10:39

I appreciate whats being said but it's not a generic work secret Santa, this person's supposed to be my friend and I know she wouldn't have got this for the others. I showed my friend and she agreed it was crap. I'll take the comments of not doing it again.

Edited

And they got you personalised gifts. It isn't lacking in thought or suggests anything other than she's missed the mark with you. Sometimes people do. Doesn't mean they don't like you.

Wishineversmoked · 19/12/2025 10:41

Not a lot of thought tho was it? A mug and socks!!! So many Christmasy things out there I would be disappointed too

mazed · 19/12/2025 10:41

Poor use of the word 'hateful'.

Blissful40s · 19/12/2025 10:42

Some people just don’t have good taste and it shows in their present giving! It wasn’t meant to be hurtful, in fact they were probably excited for you to see their thoughtful gift!

shhblackbag · 19/12/2025 10:42

SmileyMoonset · 19/12/2025 10:35

I’m sorry you didn’t like your gifts but a mug, socks and chocolates sounds like £20 worth to me.

it also sounds like the gifter tried to personalise the present which is more thoughtful than an ornament from Next in my opinion.

Secret Santa is always disappointing.

Yeah, this. I think you don't like this person because on the face of it there's nothing wrong with these things in the context of Secret Santa.

TheatricalLife · 19/12/2025 10:43

OneGreyBiscuit · 19/12/2025 10:39

I appreciate whats being said but it's not a generic work secret Santa, this person's supposed to be my friend and I know she wouldn't have got this for the others. I showed my friend and she agreed it was crap. I'll take the comments of not doing it again.

Edited

Maybe the person actually thinks the presents they selected ARE nice? Personalised items don't scream thoughtless to me. Personally, I'd not want a decoration from Next or the awful Fuzzy Duck stuff and would see those at the grab off the shelf in desperation picks.
You are overthinking this massively. You don't love the gifts -fine. It doesn't mean she hates your guts!

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 19/12/2025 10:44

That sounds like £20 and I don't understand how it's "crap" but some No7 or a very cheap perfume is "lovely."

You're coming across pretty awful.

missdayxo · 19/12/2025 10:46

I feel like you probably just didn’t really like what you received maybe that’s why you feel like that. Also just because everyone agreed to £20 some people may decide to spend more and some less, in this economy £20 won’t get you too far. Don’t let a £20 secret Santa ruin your mood its not worth it.

PrincessOfPreschool · 19/12/2025 10:48

That would def be £20 at least. Personalised stuff is always expensive plus postage as its not something you can go to Next and buy off the shelf. Ordering anything personal must have been done way in advance too, very thoughtful. You could at least appreciate the thought even if you don't like the things.

Personally I would much prefer your gifts to the other stuff you mentioned.

KarmenPQZ · 19/12/2025 10:50

SmileyMoonset · 19/12/2025 10:35

I’m sorry you didn’t like your gifts but a mug, socks and chocolates sounds like £20 worth to me.

it also sounds like the gifter tried to personalise the present which is more thoughtful than an ornament from Next in my opinion.

Secret Santa is always disappointing.

Yup this is exactly what I thought!

jocktamsonsbairn · 19/12/2025 10:50

I get you. We did one the other day. All friends since school and we know each other really well. We have had so many conversations over recent years about menopause, HRT etc and I struggle with being too hot/having hot flushes a lot of the time. Everyone knows this. Most of the gifts were kind, thoughtful and matched the receiver perfectly. I got a personalised hot water bottle… I need a fan on in my bedroom and a light summer duvet. Was disappointed but not letting it get to me. She is going through a bit of a hard time at the moment and probably just didn’t think. I’m a single mum though and these gifts from my friends are some of the only ones I get. But she’s a lovely friend so big girls pants fully pulled up and the hot water bottle will either languish under the sink or go to the charity shop!