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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands chastity cage

432 replies

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 21:21

I recently found a metal chastity cage (for a males anatomy) in my husbands cupboard. Obviously a bit of a shock.

For background - marriage isn't good, no sex for over 2 years, separate beds, talk of separating. Stayed together because of the kids tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting it elsewhere tbh. But a .... cage!? Wtf...

What would u think? I don't want to tell him I've found it (yet)

OP posts:
Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:43

Ilovelurchers · 18/09/2025 22:22

I was going to ask you this, actually! Strange that he came across as more dominant, but then I guess some people switch depending on the partner.

I can remember when my first husband and I were still living together but separated and I found his hardcore porn stash. I was a bit pissed off to be honest because I object to porn full stop, but when I thought about it I decided that as we weren't sleeping together and never would be again, it was up to him really.

It's totally natural to be shocked/curious OP, but if you are definitely planning to leave I really don't think you need to do anything about this. Either put it back where you found it, or if you think there is a genuine risk the kids might find it (though would they know what it was?) you maybe need to fess up to finding it and ask him to be more discrete in future.

Did you have a legit reason to go in his wardrobe, or could you invent one? Not judging you for snooping (It's not ideal I have done so before in similar circumstances to satisfy my curiosity). But he will likely be very pissed off - I have bought sex toys for my own use when getting ready to leave a relationship (vibes etc) and wouldn't have been happy if partner had "confronted"me about them.

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Yes there is an element of that in my thinking. I suspected he probably is getting sex somewhere else, and wouldn't really have blamed him, but I was still shocked to find THAT

I'll get my ducks in a row.

OP posts:
PuggyPuggyPuggy · 18/09/2025 22:44

Heylittlesongbird · 18/09/2025 22:37

I've no idea what one is, and am too scared to search, but I guess if I found something really odd I'd google image search?

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I always forget that image search is a thing! 🤦 Really must remember that next time I come across a weird insect or something and think "what's one of those!?"

FOJN · 18/09/2025 22:45

Were the keys with it? I'd be so tempted to say nothing and swap the key (if you can find one that looks the same) and wait to see what happens.

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:46

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:43

Yes there is an element of that in my thinking. I suspected he probably is getting sex somewhere else, and wouldn't really have blamed him, but I was still shocked to find THAT

I'll get my ducks in a row.

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Also - no, I was 100% snooping and where I found it I'd have no excuse for going so... I'd have to fess up to snooping if I said anything

OP posts:
TheHillIsMine · 18/09/2025 22:46

Quintsharkfishing · 18/09/2025 21:41

Well I'm never looking at hamsters in the same light ever again

Don't blame the hamster 🐹

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:47

FOJN · 18/09/2025 22:45

Were the keys with it? I'd be so tempted to say nothing and swap the key (if you can find one that looks the same) and wait to see what happens.

🤣🤣

My friend suggested locking him in it and demanding he agrees to a divorce and all the equity before I unlock it lol

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/09/2025 22:47

He is probably paying another woman to tell him
what a pathetic little pervert he is and then not shah him. You could offer to do this for him half price .

TheHillIsMine · 18/09/2025 22:48

Your kids not seeing you argue is not a justification for staying in a bad relationship. They also need to see you being affectionate, having a disagreement and resolving it, normal relationship stuff.

ConstitutionHill · 18/09/2025 22:49

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 18/09/2025 21:24

Is it definitely a chastity cage? Do you have any pets? Could it be to transport a small rodent?

Bit of a shock for you but it sounds like you may soon be going your separate ways so I'd decide beforehand how much of an issue this is for you.

Grin "To transport a small rodent" that's reaching a bit! OP, I think you need to ask him. It sounds like some kind of kinky gear.

TheFunDog · 18/09/2025 22:49
  1. If you're going to separate then it doesn't matter what it is...
  1. I thought I was fairly worldly wise, but I had to Google this and good grief, it's a new one on me!!!

Good luck op.
Xx

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:54

Thanks all. I really just wanted to get other people's perspectives on this, as not surprisingly there's not many other posts where people have found this kind of thing lol. But it's been helpful to hear other people's opinions, so thanks x

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 18/09/2025 23:03

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 21:47

Do u think a friend could have bought it for him as a joke?? Although he hasn't seen any of his friends for at least a couple of months

No! You’re making excuses . You don’t have sex or a relationship . If it was a joke he wouldn’t have taken it home .

DangerQuakeRhinoSnake · 18/09/2025 23:03

Can't believe I had to read all the way to p6 to find out how one of those contraptions works! Thanks to that poster!!

MaybeItWasMe · 18/09/2025 23:07

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 18/09/2025 21:24

Is it definitely a chastity cage? Do you have any pets? Could it be to transport a small rodent?

Bit of a shock for you but it sounds like you may soon be going your separate ways so I'd decide beforehand how much of an issue this is for you.

😂😂😂🐭🦫

blankcanvas3 · 18/09/2025 23:07

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:47

🤣🤣

My friend suggested locking him in it and demanding he agrees to a divorce and all the equity before I unlock it lol

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I fear he’d get off on that

L00n · 18/09/2025 23:08

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 18/09/2025 21:24

Is it definitely a chastity cage? Do you have any pets? Could it be to transport a small rodent?

Bit of a shock for you but it sounds like you may soon be going your separate ways so I'd decide beforehand how much of an issue this is for you.

It's where he keeps his small furry things, MUST be a hamster cage🙂

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 23:09

Imbusytodaysorry · 18/09/2025 23:03

No! You’re making excuses . You don’t have sex or a relationship . If it was a joke he wouldn’t have taken it home .

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No honestly I'm not - I know things are terrible even without the penis cage. I just genuinely wondered if that's what people would think if they were in this situation. But it's obviously not a joke gift

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 18/09/2025 23:10

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 21:43

Well this is my thinking. I'm being a bit strategic here because I want to see if I find anything else.

In answer to your question - no I don't think being in the same house and being so separate is the best thing for the kids. Although we do not really argue terribly in front of them - we do not have a relationship with each other and he agrees that it is setting a bad example for the kids. They seem oblivious to any issues though. He is totally avoiding in discussing any issues, so I have told him we need to talk with a mediator present about how we separate. Which he has agreed to.

But this latest find has obviously shocked / thrown me... just wondered what others thought

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They're often used in cuckold relationships...or sub dom relationships.

He's definitely getting it elsewhere.

Bingowingsincoming · 18/09/2025 23:11

buttersigh · 18/09/2025 22:10

🤮

Also when posts like these turn up I always suspect there is man behind them looking to draw unsuspecting women into talking about his kinks so he can get his jollies.

There is a sex topic OP, why not post this there?

Absolutely this. Some weirdo bloke getting a kick off women talking about this subject with him, and it amazes me that people engage with it.

Ericaequites · 18/09/2025 23:12

EchoedSilence · 18/09/2025 21:34

Could it be a very small snake cage?

For an one eyed trouser snake?

AlwaysTheRenegade · 18/09/2025 23:12

FiveStarMadness · 18/09/2025 22:18

@BeShyPlumLeader Personally I wouldn't mention it to him. Get ducks in a row and be prepared for him to not be amicable and start to get really, really nasty. He could be a troubled individual.

What support network have you got locally? Family nearby?

I feel like he would like OP to get really nasty with him now I've seen 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've just googled pictures of them as well but no info. Does it stop them getting erect or something?

I agree, it's giving you the push you need to seperate but it would be shocking to me too if you have no sex life!

Gawdimold · 18/09/2025 23:15

Put a budgie in it and put it on top of the tv

Imbusytodaysorry · 18/09/2025 23:16

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 23:09

No honestly I'm not - I know things are terrible even without the penis cage. I just genuinely wondered if that's what people would think if they were in this situation. But it's obviously not a joke gift

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I know it will take some digesting , just another sign your marriage is over .
However you have to start thinking smart and one step ahead . You know he is horrible .
crack on dealing with your solicitor in quiet and when you have all you need . Get your solicitor to serve divorce papers . You don’t need him to agree .

Find your strength . You will be just fine .

Blueskybird · 18/09/2025 23:18

PuggyPuggyPuggy · 18/09/2025 22:34

How did you google it when you didn't know what it was? What did you type in the search bar?

Rodent…corset wear..

UnhappyHobbit · 18/09/2025 23:21

I have never heard of it, so I have googled this. Perhaps he just likes dressing up the little fella while you’re out?