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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husbands chastity cage

432 replies

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 21:21

I recently found a metal chastity cage (for a males anatomy) in my husbands cupboard. Obviously a bit of a shock.

For background - marriage isn't good, no sex for over 2 years, separate beds, talk of separating. Stayed together because of the kids tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting it elsewhere tbh. But a .... cage!? Wtf...

What would u think? I don't want to tell him I've found it (yet)

OP posts:
Needlesnah · 19/09/2025 07:44

Cucy · 19/09/2025 07:19

Yet you’re ok with snooping through your DHs private things and confronting him to shame him about his sex toy?

It’s not a healthy relationship and that is not a nice environment for children.

Show quote history

She knows it’s not a healthy relationship, she knows she has to leave but she’s still in the those final stages of arriving at that decision. Jeezus, what got up your arse?
And while a couple are still married I think it’s important to know if one half is off getting their jollies elsewhere, no? Particularly if that half won’t sit down and discuss the future of their failing relationship.

GlassofRosePorfavor · 19/09/2025 07:46

So I went to bed reading about pegging, figging, dragon butter and now I wake up and read about chastity cages. What a gift MN is 😂

although the poster who had her life destroyed I am very very sorry that happened to you ❤️

Jeni23345 · 19/09/2025 07:48

Yes, men can sometimes sexualize their celibacy by denying themselves access to their penis to masturbate etc

Original poster
BeShyPlumLeader · 19/09/2025 07:52

Notmyreality · 19/09/2025 07:41

Ways to spot a fake thread on MN

  1. OP posts something guaranteed to stir the pot and never returns
  2. OP posts something guaranteed to stir the pot and comes back with a hundred replies.

Gosh I really can't win can I lol

OP posts:
OhLordWontYouBuyMeAMercedesBenz · 19/09/2025 08:03

EchoedSilence · 18/09/2025 21:34

Could it be a very small snake cage?

I reckon it’s a worm 🪱 or a maggot 🐛 cage.

ForNoisyCat · 19/09/2025 08:03

Goosyloosy · 18/09/2025 22:06

I’d repurpose it as a banana hanger on the kitchen worktop and see if he notices.

Love it! To OP you have to have the conversation hard though it is. It must be very unsettling for you. And whatever he tells you, go with your gut.

Cucy · 19/09/2025 08:04

Needlesnah · 19/09/2025 07:44

She knows it’s not a healthy relationship, she knows she has to leave but she’s still in the those final stages of arriving at that decision. Jeezus, what got up your arse?
And while a couple are still married I think it’s important to know if one half is off getting their jollies elsewhere, no? Particularly if that half won’t sit down and discuss the future of their failing relationship.

Show quote history

So you would be ok with her DH going through her personal things?
You’d be ok with him taking a photo of her sex toy, trying to upload it on a public forum and have random men degrade and shame her for her sexual interests?

Because all the posters who are condoning this behaviour are also implying that it would be perfectly fine for her DH to do to her.

I can just imagine if this was a man starting a thread about OPs double ended dildo.

There is no evidence of cheating.
And I’m not sure why OP would snoop and try and find evidence of cheating when the relationship is already dead anyway.

If you have a decent relationship but suspect cheating then yes you would want to know.

But if the relationship is dead and then you suspect cheating on top - then just end it already. It doesn’t matter if you have physical proof or not.

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/09/2025 08:05

Notmyreality · 19/09/2025 07:41

Ways to spot a fake thread on MN

  1. OP posts something guaranteed to stir the pot and never returns
  2. OP posts something guaranteed to stir the pot and comes back with a hundred replies.

Is that like how to tell if a woman is a witch? Chuck her in a pond- if she floats/ survives she’s a witch! And if she drowns, she wasn’t a witch but hey ho.

WeeGeeBored · 19/09/2025 08:06

I have not rtft so am sure others have reported that the cage is used to repress sexual urges. This is your DP’s way of dealing with a sexless marriage. This is a sad situation for Both of you. Perhaps it is time to move on?

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jan/01/my-life-in-sex-the-man-who-wears-a-chastity-device#:~:text=Although%20they%20come%20in%20a,the%20two%20other%20components%20together.

SpencerGarciaGideon · 19/09/2025 08:06

This reminds me of my friend. She and her DH hadn't had sex in a few years and she just wasn't interested in him anymore but she stayed with him for financial reasons. He still wanted her but she dismissed his attempts at affection. Anyway...one day she went in to the bathroom and there was a rather large dildo laying on the floor. They have 2 teenage daughters so she reluctantly asked them if they'd left it there and they said no. She never asked him about it but when she told me, I couldn't look at him the same way again lol. He moved out not long after and moved in with another woman (surprisingly) lol

SoOriginal · 19/09/2025 08:13

Is it definitely a chastity cage? Do you have any pets? Could it be to transport a small rodent?

This is my favourite all time mumsnet response. Thank you 🤣🤣

PinotPony · 19/09/2025 08:14

He’s getting ready for Locktober…

Randomlygeneratedname · 19/09/2025 08:21

Do not being his up with him OP!! This is the kind of thing I would hide in my cupboard if I wanted to prove someone was snooping through my things.

RubyFunday · 19/09/2025 08:22

BeShyPlumLeader · 19/09/2025 07:12

I wasn't waiting for proof of him to cheat. I have been in absolute turmoil about breaking up my kids family and home and whether I'm being a selfish bitch by doing so for a very long time.

Get off your high horse.

Show quote history

And yet your biggest immediate worry is that he has a sex toy? Try to picture the responses if he posted a thread about finding his wife's vibrator. He'd be torn to absolute shreds on here. You must be able to see that surely?

RubyFunday · 19/09/2025 08:26

ForNoisyCat · 19/09/2025 08:03

Love it! To OP you have to have the conversation hard though it is. It must be very unsettling for you. And whatever he tells you, go with your gut.

Show quote history

No she doesn't. Anymore than you'd be telling him that he has to have the conversation if he found her sex toy.

ByPearlJoker · 19/09/2025 08:42

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 21:21

I recently found a metal chastity cage (for a males anatomy) in my husbands cupboard. Obviously a bit of a shock.

For background - marriage isn't good, no sex for over 2 years, separate beds, talk of separating. Stayed together because of the kids tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if he was getting it elsewhere tbh. But a .... cage!? Wtf...

What would u think? I don't want to tell him I've found it (yet)

Oh well, I searched and I couldn't help laughing. It's a whole industry? With designers, manufacturers and even distributors? Oh well...

Misbella · 19/09/2025 08:43

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 18/09/2025 21:24

Is it definitely a chastity cage? Do you have any pets? Could it be to transport a small rodent?

Bit of a shock for you but it sounds like you may soon be going your separate ways so I'd decide beforehand how much of an issue this is for you.

Maybe a one eyed trouser snake ??

ByPearlJoker · 19/09/2025 08:43

SoOriginal · 19/09/2025 08:13

Is it definitely a chastity cage? Do you have any pets? Could it be to transport a small rodent?

This is my favourite all time mumsnet response. Thank you 🤣🤣

It's quite hilarious...

gudetamathelazyegg · 19/09/2025 08:53

Hey OP, just to say as a woman in this 'scene' I believe you. A pp mentioned locktober and yeah the timing definitely lines up with that, it's an online challenge for men in chastity. Many of these men do have an online dom/me but not all, many post on X and Reddit encouraging each other to keep the cage on for longer periods of time.

It's not something I fancy personally - if DH had one I would be open to a discussion but obviously that's not what's going on here. It sounds like you know what needs to come next - ducks in a row time, financials etc because yes financial domination (findom as it's called) is very common in this community and can destroy lives. I'm so sorry and I wish things were different for you Flowers

PencilsInSpace · 19/09/2025 09:01

What happens if they need a wee?

Littlejellyuk · 19/09/2025 09:02

PencilsInSpace · 19/09/2025 09:01

What happens if they need a wee?

My sentiments exactly. 😆 🤣 😂
maybe he will just have a piss stained caged? 🤔

PencilsInSpace · 19/09/2025 09:05

BeShyPlumLeader · 18/09/2025 22:46

Also - no, I was 100% snooping and where I found it I'd have no excuse for going so... I'd have to fess up to snooping if I said anything

Show quote history

In that case, put the toy mouse in it, put it back exactly as you found it and never say a word.

Nolongera · 19/09/2025 09:07

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 18/09/2025 21:24

Is it definitely a chastity cage? Do you have any pets? Could it be to transport a small rodent?

Bit of a shock for you but it sounds like you may soon be going your separate ways so I'd decide beforehand how much of an issue this is for you.

It could be both.

PencilsInSpace · 19/09/2025 09:08

Cucy · 19/09/2025 07:08

YABVU as are the majority of the posters on this thread.

But it’s good old sexism from MN again and so it’s to be expected.

You should not be snooping through his personal items.
And no you should not be confronting him about his sex toy.

He should also not be snooping through your personal things or confronting you about your sex toys - but apparently that would be ok according to all of these comments 🙄

You admit you’ve not had sex in 2 years and so he is going to easily get an erection which is embarrassing, so it’s very likely that he thought this would help with that problem.
He may have wanted to use it for masturbating purposes as a bit of fun.

I think it’s pretty sad that your relationship is so awful but you’re waiting on proof of whether he’s cheated or not to actually leave.

Forget about this for now as it’s not proof of cheating in any way, ignore the posters who just love someone else’s drama and creating imaginary scenarios and just focus on what will make you happy and end the relationship today.

You admit you’ve not had sex in 2 years and so he is going to easily get an erection which is embarrassing, so it’s very likely that he thought this would help with that problem.

😂This is almost as funny as the small rodent suggestion.

SleeplessInWherever · 19/09/2025 09:11

PencilsInSpace · 19/09/2025 09:08

You admit you’ve not had sex in 2 years and so he is going to easily get an erection which is embarrassing, so it’s very likely that he thought this would help with that problem.

😂This is almost as funny as the small rodent suggestion.

Show quote history

If we’re all supposed to believe that in the last 2 years he’s never been near his own penis, I’ve got a rat cage to sell you. 😂