AIBU? Is this disgusting or am I just old-fashioned?!

[Namerchangee]

https://www.nottinghampost.com/news/nottingham-news/adult-star-who-slept-hundreds-9570473

I’m no prude but there’s just something about this that has disgusted me.

It's not mandatory to have sex with this woman. It's not a compulsory part of Freshers week. If these men cannot control themselves, they shouldn't be allowed out. They know it's being filmed and will be uploaded. They're well over the age of knowing right from wrong and behaving decently. I can't believe you actually care about a man so lacking in self respect he queues up to have sex with someone. It's disgusting behaviour.

There's no need for a different lens. It's all grim from various points of view, it's a sad reflection of our society(fucking promoted in the media,really?! How is this news?) , but not predatory. I'd say the same for the exact circumstances if it was a man.

Girls gone wild was predatory because it was deliberately targeting drunk girls/plying them with alcohol for example and getting nothing in return"return" for lack of a better world.

The real difference is the response to the "offer"(not who is offering it) . Women would simply not reply in the same way, which is why it isn't being done. Or at least not in such an open, terms and conditions apply way.

Happy to add, that I don't have such a crappy view of men that I think all 18 boys, even while they'd jump at the chance of consenting sex, would be dumb enough or have so little self respect they'd sign up to queue to have sex with a woman just after loads of other men had.

Oh are we back to men simply can't help themselves and all rational thought is out the window once a "come and bonk" me placard comes out? Really?

She is viewed differently because men in general have no cause to fear women sexually. With the exception of a few MRA who seize any chance to portray men as the victims of women, men do not see themselves as the prey of women. Where a woman offers sex, even quite aggressively, the typical male reaction will be either to accept or simply ignore. They don't fear her or see themselves as at risk or hunted. Those views are coming almost entirely from women who are projecting them on to the men of Nottingham. Men who will either be enthusiastic partcipants who have sought her out, or disinterested and provided they take the simple precaution of not queuing outside a certain air b&b on a certain day, will be no more harmed by this woman than my aunty Margaret who also lives in Nottingham.

Honestly - the more I think about this the more I am utterly horrified, both by the very nature of it and also by the way it has been reported in the local newspaper.

@5128gap "no more harmed" ok picture a non confident 18 year old male fresher. Doesn't know anyone. Wasn't very popular in high school. Desperate to make friends. Hasn't had sex before and is embarrassed by this. Grateful the boys in his flat are paying him attention, the other boys pray on his timidness. They see this article, "banter" he should do it, he's uncomfortable but desperate to please, curious to try sex, does it, is filmed. Film goes on line, he is ridiculed, it never goes away, every job he gets he worries people will find out. Affects all his ongoing relationships due to his embarrassment. But no harm?

Do you think men can't be victims to revenge porn or sexual humiliation?

I mean, I'm sure she'll be really wealthy by that time...so I'd be surprised if she was remorseful or reflective at all. She'll probs just market as a 'GILF' instead !

However, it is exploitative of young men who've barely reached adulthood and whose brains are still developing. They may well enjoy getting sex with a gorgeous older woman, but they'll be online forever and future partners/children/employers may not be so impressed!

Agree with all those - imagine an adult man enticing your just turned adult daughters into sex and posting them online. Predatory behaviour.

Also, not keen on the whole line about expecting peoples husbands to be queueing up as well. Of course, if your husband is going to cheat then that's on him, but why even entertain it!

So, a shy, socially awkward young man is pressured and coerced by other men into doing something harmful? I agree that that is a risk for certain young men. However were this woman not to exist, there are multiple other ways his make peers could manipulate him and engineer his humiliation. For decades that type of young man had been bullied and targeted for the entertainment of more confident men. This situation just offers one opportunity. Don't get me wrong, I hate that this is happening and would support a way to prevent it if possible for multiple reasons. But I do think we're in danger of not seeing the wood for the trees here. If certain of our young men are in danger from each other via peer pressure (which they are) that needs addressing at its root. Because focusing on this one isolated opportunity for them to be harmed misses the big picture and the fact that if you cut this one off, another opportunity will appear in its place.

I wonder where she’ll be when she’s 60

By the looks of her she’s not that far off that age.

@5128gap you're doing a lot of mental gymnastics there to try to defend the woman. I'm not denying the fact that misogyny is still the driving negative force in my example, but what I struggle with with your argument is the idea that this woman holds no blame, she is 25 years old.

I am a card carrying feminist, I am well aware of the deep rooted sexism that is poisonous and everywhere. But women can be sexual predators too, and she is being one, it's just rarer, but that doesn't mean we can't call it out when we see it. As I have said if they were grown men this would be an eye roll, but I do not class an 18 year old as a grown man in this context with a more mature woman, there is an element of vulnerability even though it is a different type of vulnerability an 18 year old woman would face.

Exactly. And the quid pro quo here is that these young men get to have sex with her (what a "prize"! 🤑) and she gets to use their images in perpetuity. I wonder how these young men will feel in 20 years' time when they've matured and these sex videos (because that's what they are) are still all over the internet. I just hope part of the deal is that their faces are pixelated, or the footage could come back to haunt them in the future.

So she's responsible for MEN's poor behaviour, bullying and coercing another man to have sex?

Let me give you another scenario, that happens a LOT more often. All you have said , but instead of a willing (for whatever reason) porn actress , it's an unsuspecting, un consenting girl (either too drunk, or by use of force) . He's encouraged to either passively watch /do nothing or actively participate. Is he still a poor diddums then?

@NowImNotDoingIt why are people bending over backwards to defend this woman? We can whataboutery until the cows come home, yes it's shit being a woman, I am one, I am all too clear of my own vulnerability. But young men are still vulnerable to exploitation, maybe it'll be a small number, but it's being celebrated with a newspaper article.

You're probably struggling with my argument because you are imagining I have argued something I have not. I have never once defended the woman's behaviour. I have said it isn't predatory because it doesn't meet the definition of that. The boy in your scenario is not being preyed upon by this woman. She doesn't know he exists. He is the prey of his male peers. This doesn't mean I don't think shes wrong. I've clearly said in previous posts that i think she is. As for mental gymnastics, I'm not sure what you mean. You were the one who introduced the role of other men in contributing to the harm. I merely agreed with you. Its an important point, as the real danger to men in all aspects is other men, and to overlook that by scapegoating women does vulnerable men no favours at all.

Sadly from what I have seen on YouTube lots of young women believe this is a positive career choice and they are empowered and own the situation etc, etc. I've known a few prostitutes, not as a customer I must spell out but family members, friends driven by poverty. They didn't feel positive, but hated themselves for doing it.

The Nottingham post has to be looked at, basically they are pimping this woman as they are earning money for basically advertising her services

This is grim but I do wonder about the practicalities of the whole thing. I mean I assume she has to have staff for form filling, legal agreements to get filmed and published? Do they wear protection? I always thought porn actors had to have recent health checks / blood tests for HIV/ hepatitis ( I might have got this from CSI). Do they get a time slot? Do they get fluffed so just shag her for “money shot” or is there foreplay. If your penis gets camera shy do you still get published “faking an internal” or pathetically trying to wank yourself hard. I blame late night channel 4 for my knowledge of the porn industry btw. There was a recent documentary on amateur porn and the main issue seemed a lack of decent elections and not being able to come.

I'm not defending the woman. I have many issues with this, including the harm caused to other women/how they are viewed, porn culture, rape culture.

I'm arguing the fact that she's predatory. The only example you could think of was still of other men abusing men.

And btw, the whataboutery? It happened to me. The quiet, shy , little , naive ,vulnerable boys either did fuck all OR actively helped by pining me down. It was hilarious apparently.

I don’t consider myself a prude, but this is so messed up. I suspect she is has some emotional issues and poor self esteem, and the men that are interested are Neanderthal arseholes.

Yup. The phrase "sloppy seconds" springs to mind. 🤑

Elections/ erections. I do wonder if we need to consider raising the age limit of porn participation to 21, No more “teen” porn or freshers fuck fests. It’s been argued that men (not sure if has for women) are not fully mature until 25 which is why a man didn’t get jail time over a 14yo he sexually assaulted. Possibly people shouldn’t be allowed to make these decisions until they are older.

Stop being silly. There is no prostitution, she is offering sex, free of charge subject to agreement to be filmed. These men are 18 years old and can legally consent. This woman isn't stupid; these men clearly are.

Goes yea I agree with you there I was (badly clearly) trying to point out that I think comparisons with it being the other way round aren't quite right.

There something very wrong with declaring publicly your target customers are very young men many of whom have probably only just left home.

@Lovelysummerdays

There was a recent documentary on amateur porn and the main issue seemed a lack of decent elections and not being able to come.

//

I did love that typo tho

Do you live in Nottingham?

As I do and honestly it's one of the most minor things happening right now.

A 47 year old man killed someone in their 20s in a drug driving incident a couple of days ago.

An 8 year old fell out of a window and died.

The city centre and a mile in every direction outside of it is tent city with homeless people if you walk past before 9am.

I can't walk down my previously safe street at any time of day/night without witnessing at least two serious drug deals.

One of my friends lives on a street where a man murdered his wife with a boot lace a few months ago.

People are punching and stabbing strangers on a daily basis.

Some woman coming along who wants to sleep with some guys is really a non-issue, especially when it doesn't involve drugs or prostitution.