DH caught cheating 2x and on dating site.

[QuietMama2]

I'm seeking advice and understanding from those who have been in similar situations.I've been married for 10 years, and my husband has been caught cheating three times. The latest incident has been especially hurtful. He claims he sought companionship. I discovered about the affair this month and confronted her via social media. She confirmed they dated for six months and were intimate but she ended it in December. My husband denies this, saying she wanted more but he refused, which led to the end of their relationship. The woman says she ended it when she found out he was married after he lied about having marital difficulties. I am currently attending marriage counseling.The main issue is that he refuses to take an STD test, and I have told him that, given what I know, I won't be intimate with him until he does and agrees to certain boundaries. He has refused to comply with these requests, saying we have been initimate since the relationship ended in December and I am being unfair. Pls advise, no judgement pls.

Unfortunately I can't see you getting any kind of advice here, what on earth could anyone say to make you see what you need to do here? This is total insanity that you're humouring this.

I don't understand why you are putting up with this?

He is cheating because you are allowing him to.

Are you sure you want to stay married?

He has cheated three times and you’re considering staying with him?

I wish you the best of luck.

Just leave him. There’s literally nothing else to say.

"D" H? Alrighty then ... 🙄

Do you actually want to pursue this marriage?

I can see that people can get past one infidelity, but three? He is never going to change and you will never know if he is carrying a transmittable disease.

I wouldn't be insisting on him doing a test, as I wouldn't be interested in any intimacy with him again and I would be gearing up to a separation.

I feel that you deserve so much better. How can you even contemplate being intimate with him after all that he's done? It sounds so tough for you, but I honestly think you will end up happier if you leave him. He's surely just going to keep doing it.

I'm sorry but there is nothing to salvage here, OP. Three times in 10 years is bonkers. He doesn't give a shit about you and will do it again because he knows he can. And he doesn't even care about your sexual health. A solid case for a good, old LTB.

You're asking g for no judgement because you know you're being g unreasonable. Everyone is going to think you should leave him and they are right. He is giving you zero reasons to trust him and plenty of reasons not to. Do what you know you need to do and walk away from this shit.

This. Can't get my head around why you wishful be treated like diet on his shoe.

OP not only has he cheated on you for 6 months, he has also lied to you & is now refusing to take an STD test or respect any of your boundaries. I’m sorry you are going through this but I cannot understand why you would think there was any future in this relationship. It sounds totally done.

Have you had legal advice?

I can’t imagine how you would want to stay married to this piece of shit. He’s repeatedly cheating on you and couldn’t care less how that might affect you.

The "main issue" is not that he refuses to take an STD test

It's that he's continously cheated on you & will continue to do do

This is how the rest of your life is going to be unless you decide you are worth more .

The choices are in front of you, be brave

What power do you think you hold over him to get him to do anything? He is having sex with other women. He has no respect for you. He doesnt care what you think. He will be intimate woth other people so you withholding sex as a punishment is meaningless.

Im only here for the excuses. "He sought companionship" is most proposterous.

Get a grip and leave the cheating prick. Have some self respect.

I know this....I had done so much work 2 years ago that i was ready to leave until he came begging again and my kids pleaded on his behalf. I am working on a separation now. Thanks for the response.

My advice is to start divorce procedures.

He's simply going to do it again. He's cheated on you 3 times, shows no remorse, refuses to take an STI test and seems to think you are the unreasonable one.

Why wouldn't he shag around? There are apparently no consequences to him getting caught. Denying him sex won't work - he's clearly able to find it elsewhere and doesn't seem to be bothered if you catch him out.

He doesn't have marriage difficulties, his marriage is finished isn't it?
He's a serial cheat and the only way he's going to stop cheating on you is if you aren't together any more.

Presuming your sti test came back all clear it's irrelevant to you whether he takes one himself or not. You aren't ever going to be sexually intimate with this pathetic excuse for a man again are you?

OP, make sure you have your own STD test, then go for legal advice.

If you want to, in time, you can do some dating yourself, with men who are not married, do not cheat, and take their sexual health seriously.

I agree. Thank you

This is terrible. How can you continue to be with him? He thinks he can get away with it and just brush it under the carpet. And why on earth refuse an STD test? Does he think it's fine to walk round infecting people with stuff?
I'd have been long gone after cheat number one. So yeah. I agree with everyone else.

Unless there is some massive backstory I can’t imagine why you would ever be in the same room with this person again, let alone share your body with them.

Im sorry that you feel this is all you deserve in life

For goodness sake have some self respect.

I can't believe it finished up with your children pleading on his behalf - what lesson have they just learned? - women are for walking all over.