To want to find & correct neighbour who thinks DH is cheating?!?

[PopandFizz]

Hi all,

A bit of a funny one!
So we have a cleaner who comes weekly to the house. I'm self employed so it also means it one of my working days and a lot of it is meetings zoom/teams based which I normally take from dining room as DH is in the office and I'm loud. On the cleaner day I go out to a nearby pub that does coffee, cake and WiFi for the morning (as I often get last minute invites to jump on calls) as there isn't another room I could take a meeting in without the cleaner disrupting.

Our cleaner uses all our own products and hoovers etc as part of the service. They don't wear a uniform.

So last week we had a letter hand posted through the door, with our address on, addressed to 'The lady of the house at number 3' when only my car was on the drive. In it was a handwritten letter telling me that every week an hour or so after I leave on a Thursday my husband has a female visitor who stays a couple of hours amd then leaves. They've noticed this for some time and debated saying something but didn't until the week prior when I didn't leave the house and the woman didn't come round. 'I hope you get to read this and your husband doesn't intercept the letter predicting it's contents'

Well I didn't leave the house cos the cleaner was on holiday 🤣🤣

So, this very much tickled me and God bless her for trying to warn me but I do feel an urge to make sure she knows that it's the cleaner. What can I do?! I can't knock around to tell every neighbour with a view of our house. There's only 1 neighbour I know it isn't because they know our names lol

So yeah...advice? AIBU and should just leave it? DH laughed and said at least someone is looking out for you but doesn't understand why I feel an urge to correct the situation lol

This is hilarious 😂😂

Awww that’s actually really sweet. Maybe you could do a Round Robin Xmas card this year to all your neighbours and talk about how loved up you still are after X years of marriage and that the weekly cleaner is amazing! Amongst other made up random stuff too…

Other than that… I’m not sure!

This person will definitely be watching to see what happens next Thursday, so I wouldn't leave until the cleaner got there so you can make a point of greeting her outside your house where the nosey neighbour can see.

Stay in next week and greet the cleaner at the door? Even if you leave right after she gets there it will show you know her. It sounds like whoever wrote the note will be keeping an eye out, if they watched enough to know that when you didn't leave last week she didn't come round.

Hilarious 🤣 but you have bloody nosey neighbours…what else are they watching you do! 🫣

Publicly greet the cleaner and make sure you give her a kiss on the cheek like Europeans do! That'll confuse them!
What are the demographics of your neighbours... it's likely to be either a SAHP, elderly person or very bored WFH-er who has enough time to monitor your comings and goings!

That's funny.

But don't just assume the letter writer is female. It could throw you off track.

Slap her on the bum as she walks in 🤣

Well we have a couple over the road who the woman seems to do odd shifts somewhere but on a part time basis and the DH occasionally makes stuff in his garage workshop. I think they are semi retired.
There's a woman who WFH some days, Thurs is one of them I think her car is usually there.
Then new neighbours next door who have been here a couple of months and share a car so I never know which of them is in.

Ah well they said in the letter that 'I would want to know if it was my husband' and to my knowledge there are no gay couples in the close vicinity so I think they are female. But good point!

Haha maybe I could post a little card around everyone saying our cleaner is in the area on Thursdays and I highly recommend them if anyone is looking 🤣

My DH now wants to let them in and just flag off the street afterwards and evil laugh as he closes the door to see if they try again LOL

so funny!!! But it might be best to let the cleaner know too in case someone confronts her!

it's likely to be either a SAHP, elderly person or very bored WFH-er who has enough time to monitor your comings and goings!
I find this comment rather dismissive. When someone comes on here saying they suspect an affair, most of us say we would be grateful if we were advised of the situation.
I agree with the effusive welcome next time the cleaner arrives to put your concerned neighbours mind at rest.

thats funny, bless the nosy bugger trying to warn you!

Our old neighbours were lovely but by god they were nosy. I had a night out with work mates and crashed at my (gay, male) friend's house. The next day we went for lunch and he drove me home and came in for a cuppa, then left.

DH returned home a few hours later, walked in the door sniggering. He said he hadn't even switched the engine off before NDN popped up over the fence and asked who the man his wife had round in the afternoon was, with big faux innocent eyes! DH knew who it was of course and put them straight. When I told my friend he laughed and said he'd remember to bring his feather boa to make it clear he wasn't interested in me next time!

Next time your cleaner comes round can you have your DH at an upstairs window looking out to see if anyone is peeking from their windows or garages?

I’d really want to know who sent it!!

I don't know whether it's sweet or whether it's someone that's really bored and wants to gossip.

Wow she's sooo nosey!!! That's her entertainment actually so leave her to it. Obviously she doesn't have much to do with her time

Yeah see I really want to know who it is as well 🤣

That's hilarious!

Only when there's strong proof - and the 'suspecter' hasn't gone out of their way to be nosey. There's an awful lot of threads on where people carry out obvious affairs with workmates, make out with people in their hobby groups etc. It's in everyone's face.
Most of us don't like being watched, and nosey types are also usually gossips. Who knows how many people they've told about 'the adulterer' at number 3.

A woman arriving at a family home, at precisely the same time week definitely wouldn't scream AFFAIR to any reasonable person. She could be there for any number of reasons. Cleaner, medical professional, whatever.

In fact I know quite a few people with health issues who would be terribly embarrassed at the whole street taking an interest in who was visiting their home! Unlike the OP who if asked will happily say it's the cleaner... they don't want to reveal their private medical information to the whole world.

Tell dh to close the upstairs curtains when you leave.. Ready for ow!!

I agree with this @PopandFizz at the very least tell your cleaner in case she gets confronted by the mystery mailer

you may have a new best friend, it’s lovely someone is looking out for you, maybe host a bbq to get to know all the neighbours. Invite the cleaner too for a giggle

I would think if they want to gossip they wouldn’t have tried to warn op, would just tell other people

Do you live on my road? I have a neighbour who I could totally imagine doing that. She will come out of her house or open her windows to try to hear people’s conversations. Like pretending to water plants etc on her front lawn. One time she was so fast she still had her slippers on.

I will tell the cleaner, thanks to the people who suggested this. I was worried it might make them uncomfortable though as they are mid twenties but I think you're right that I wouldn't want them to be approached unawares, though I think its unlikely if they haven't been by now.

DH should be flattered they think it would take a couple of hours hahaha

Do you live in South Yorkshire 😬👀