To want to find & correct neighbour who thinks DH is cheating?!?

[PopandFizz]

Hi all,

A bit of a funny one!
So we have a cleaner who comes weekly to the house. I'm self employed so it also means it one of my working days and a lot of it is meetings zoom/teams based which I normally take from dining room as DH is in the office and I'm loud. On the cleaner day I go out to a nearby pub that does coffee, cake and WiFi for the morning (as I often get last minute invites to jump on calls) as there isn't another room I could take a meeting in without the cleaner disrupting.

Our cleaner uses all our own products and hoovers etc as part of the service. They don't wear a uniform.

So last week we had a letter hand posted through the door, with our address on, addressed to 'The lady of the house at number 3' when only my car was on the drive. In it was a handwritten letter telling me that every week an hour or so after I leave on a Thursday my husband has a female visitor who stays a couple of hours amd then leaves. They've noticed this for some time and debated saying something but didn't until the week prior when I didn't leave the house and the woman didn't come round. 'I hope you get to read this and your husband doesn't intercept the letter predicting it's contents'

Well I didn't leave the house cos the cleaner was on holiday 🤣🤣

So, this very much tickled me and God bless her for trying to warn me but I do feel an urge to make sure she knows that it's the cleaner. What can I do?! I can't knock around to tell every neighbour with a view of our house. There's only 1 neighbour I know it isn't because they know our names lol

So yeah...advice? AIBU and should just leave it? DH laughed and said at least someone is looking out for you but doesn't understand why I feel an urge to correct the situation lol

If my husband was cheating I'd want to know, but I wouldn't want to find out from a random busybody neighbour.

😂😂😂

thats the reason i never kiss on the door step, you never know whos watching and presuming etc

If she can clean the OP's whole house AND thoroughly bonk her husband in 2 hours, I need some of what she's taking!

I'd just stick a big notice in your front window with "she's the cleaner" on it next time you go out.

If the person can see who is coming and going, she will hopefully see your sign!

Ask your cleaner if she wants any work in the area and then draft a letter to any neighbour who can visibly see your front door from their home. -

'If anyone is looking for a cleaner we have a wonderful lady who comes round every Thursday and Brian and I can thoroughly recommend her.

Signed Lydia at Chestnuts, No 24. '

I think it's a nice gesture. She's wrong but she's looking out for another women. The letter writers intentions were good.

I'd hoe someone would tell me!

I also agree that posters are always told to let the person know. You cannot win on MN. lol

When people get told to let the person know, it’s when a) the affair is definitely happening and b) they know the person concerned and what their situation is.

This is not one of those occasions. There’s a big difference between telling your best mate their husband is having affair because you KNOW that from actual evidence, and telling a total stranger that their husband is having an affair because you’ve simply decided he must be, based on zero evidence and your own grubby conjecture.

Why do you care?

Precisely. This is why I hate the “Tell the wife, she deserves to know” responses on threads where someone suspects an affair based on the flimsiest of evidence - an affair between two people they don’t even know. What does the wife “deserve to know”? The baseless suspicions of a nosy neighbour who won’t even sign their name? And as such can’t provide any answers to the inevitable follow-up questions the supposedly wronged wife will have?

It’s not “kind” or “well meant” - it’s rude, nosy and, above all, potentially massively disruptive for no reason. I hope no one ever tries this sort of “kindness” with me, for their sake.

Why shouldn’t I care? Confusing, obfuscatory language when there’s no need for it is a PITA, and generally degrades our language.

There seems to be a growing trend of people using “they” when it’s perfectly clear what sex the person they’re talking about is.

Possibly ideologically driven for some, possibly just thoughtless copying for others. And maybe other reasons I haven’t thought of, but would be interested in hearing about.

Why do you care about me asking?

No one else is confused & this is a light hearted funny thread about a mistake a neighbours made :) you could make your own thread to discuss language x

This Thursday, send your DH to the pub and you stay at home to welcome the cleaner.

The neighbour will think you're a thrupple!

Too funny. I would try and milk it for a couple of weeks; get DH to open the door to the cleaner with furtive glances up and down the street, checking the coast is clear.

And then in a few weeks, do as pp said, stick a big sign out front saying "she's the cleaner, you twat".

That's hysterical.

Neighbour will be wondering if you're a throuple then!

Yorkshire accent quirk. Slightly impersonal way of referring to anyone not present as “they”. All my family (including me) do it. It’s not a gender/pronouns thing.

Someone, likely a woman,looking out for another woman who they think is being mistreated by their husband, isn't a twat.lot someone op should be trying to torment. The neighbour tried to do a good thing, subtly and without causing drama. The best option is to meet the cleaner outside and have a loud convo about what needs hovering.

@SleepingStandingUp Nope, I'm not buying that. Someone, likely a woman, is dressing their curtain twitching nosiness up as faux concern.

Because it adds nothing to the thread. Also, as it’s so clear the cleaner is a woman, why is the use of a gender-neutral pronoun “confusing”?

Absolutely. Gagging for a bit of drama - with no comeback on them if (or in this case, when) it all turns out to be a misunderstanding.

Nope, I'm not buying that. Someone, likely a woman, is dressing their curtain twitching nosiness up as faux concern.

Agreed. If the person was so concerned, why hide behind an anonymous letter.

I live quite rurally, the pub is massive and pretty much empty on a Thursday morning so there's always an unoccupied corner.

Whereas our office has an L shaped desk so my husbands and I literally bump office chairs half the time when we get up and move about. I'm not obscenely loud but I chat with my clients which does disturb my husband whose trying to focus on his intricate work.

This had me laughing 🤣

It isn't grammatically incorrect to refer to a single person as they, just so you're aware. It's also not a growing trend, people have been using they interchangeably with she/he for decades but now that people are claiming they for non-binary purposes, more people seem to pick up on the use of the word 'they'.

But since you seem invested in the subject, as another poster has pointed out, in my home county of Yorkshire its very common to use 'they'.
I also try to use they rather than specific pronouns when describing people as much as possible so that I don't accidentally misgender anyone whilst I'm at work.

Lots of concern over me being loud in a pub and working.

• I'm not that loud so much as I talk a lot in a small home office space and my husband needs to concentrate.
• I live rurally so the pub is absolutely massive but is pretty much deserted on a Thursday morning so plenty of quiet corners for me.
• my conversations aren't sensitive