To want to find & correct neighbour who thinks DH is cheating?!?

[PopandFizz]

Hi all,

A bit of a funny one!
So we have a cleaner who comes weekly to the house. I'm self employed so it also means it one of my working days and a lot of it is meetings zoom/teams based which I normally take from dining room as DH is in the office and I'm loud. On the cleaner day I go out to a nearby pub that does coffee, cake and WiFi for the morning (as I often get last minute invites to jump on calls) as there isn't another room I could take a meeting in without the cleaner disrupting.

Our cleaner uses all our own products and hoovers etc as part of the service. They don't wear a uniform.

So last week we had a letter hand posted through the door, with our address on, addressed to 'The lady of the house at number 3' when only my car was on the drive. In it was a handwritten letter telling me that every week an hour or so after I leave on a Thursday my husband has a female visitor who stays a couple of hours amd then leaves. They've noticed this for some time and debated saying something but didn't until the week prior when I didn't leave the house and the woman didn't come round. 'I hope you get to read this and your husband doesn't intercept the letter predicting it's contents'

Well I didn't leave the house cos the cleaner was on holiday 🤣🤣

So, this very much tickled me and God bless her for trying to warn me but I do feel an urge to make sure she knows that it's the cleaner. What can I do?! I can't knock around to tell every neighbour with a view of our house. There's only 1 neighbour I know it isn't because they know our names lol

So yeah...advice? AIBU and should just leave it? DH laughed and said at least someone is looking out for you but doesn't understand why I feel an urge to correct the situation lol

Next time get your husband to go out and you stay home with the cleaner. That will confuse them

I’m confused why you keep referring to your cleaner as “they” when it’s clear she’s a woman?

Honestly, the letter-writer must be quite mad or very dense. Surely a woman showing up at a house in the same two-hour daytime slot once a week is far more likely to be a cleaner than an affair partner? The vast majority of cleaners don’t wear uniforms or carry their own products, and i imagine the cleaner is dressed practically for a manual job, rather than in some kind of ‘seductive’ outfit, quite apart from shagging one another in the marital home with a Cul de sac of goggling neighbours being a bit of a risk…?

Tell your cleaner and do a little dance together on Thursday in the street before you leave

This will really confuse them 😂

Do you have a community FB group as I’d just stick a copy of the letter on there and say ‘ to who ever wrote this the Thursday visitor is our cleaner who I highly recommend ‘ .

Well I don't think all affair partners step out of the car in Anne summers lingerie and strut into the house in 6 inch heels lol. I'm sure lots pop round in jeans in a t-shirt, that's kinda how they get away with it

I'd totally play on it, making it a show of leaving and getting your DH to wave you off grinning.

Really get tongues wagging.

Have your cleaner hold up a big sign next time. "I'm the CLEANER, you twat."

Something about the wording seems to indicate an older female. The formality perhaps. I think she’s thoughtful and discrete. I would greet the cleaner outside. Linger a bit. See if any female is around. It’s meant well I believe i would respond with kindness

I think lots of posters are being really unkind. She's trying to do @PopandFizz a good turn.

what if it wasn't the cleaner, I'd want to know.

Ooh, if someone was nosey and interfering enough to send me that note, I'd play up to it and set up even more scenarios that look like cheating.
Can you get a male gardener or personal trainer to come when your DH is out, so that youre both at it?

This is the only course of action.

You have a kind neighbour who is looking out for you.
They were quite possibly cheated on themselves.
I think it's lovely of them.
But I would be concerned about gossip so yes absolutely let your cleaner know and maybe post of your local social media/put a sign up in tge shop about her services, with you as a referee cleans for me weekly on x day

If you cant linger to meet the cleaner you could ask the cleaner to clean the outside windows or empty the bins or event clean the INSIDE windows where she will be seen.

You don't need to tell the cleaner about the full contents of the note re an affair, you can just say you got a note from a neighbour saying a suspicious woman was coming around. I would be super embarrassed if I were the cleaner and even the suspicion of an affair was mentioned. It might make things really awkward between her and your DH which might put her off working for you.

Exactly

I still think you should LTB 😂

I think you should get your cleaner to turn up in all manner of outfits to get the gossip mill going. Dominatrix costume next week. The benefit of that is it is also wipe clean so it won't get messy or damaged whilst cleaning.

Surprised at all the people who think this is sweet, cutesy and well intentioned. Your poor cleaner being judged as an OW on the simple basis she calls round when you're out. And because the busy body was too cowardly to own her actions, you can't even clear the woman's name.

I'm more confused that you go and sit in a pub to do conference/zoom calls when you admit you're loud. Not fair on other patrons, and surely more chance of disruption than from your cleaner?

Come home halfway through the cleaners visit. Storm out minutes later crying. Have your husband go away for a few weeks and get a new patio laid. That'll get people talking....

What a great plot for a TV series. You'd need to work better on the aspect of heading to a pub because of noise at home when a cleaner arrives

In order to have recognised the weekly pattern she must have been watching very deliberately, over time. That's the thing that's annoying and intrusive, not the letter itself.

Have you got a street WhatsApp group left over from lockdown if so you could ask your cleaner if they want you to share details in there for free advertising

I think getting the cleaner to clean out at the front of the house is the best idea. I, too, would be freaked out by the watching me and my house, though!

Are you sure he’s not cheating on you? It could be an elaborate cover. Most men have affairs.