Phrases to use to people who take the UTTER piss

[thisisasurvivor]

May I preface this by saying my friend can be so so decent and really cares about us

But sometimes she takes the utter piss

So her child is sick
I have three reports to do
She drops him to my house the night before he is due to go to school the next day as snow was forecast and he needed minding the next day

I was so gobsmacked I said nothing
Like the fool I am

Next day picks him up at 6pm
Well her wanker husband did
No thank you
Just wanted to know what I had fed him etc
She didn't text thanks

So
For the people who can be really lovely
But also really shitty

Help me with polite ways to say this must stop

She thinks my wfh is sending a few emails drinking coffee
Two hour lunch breaks

My wfh could be 6am to 5 some days
Mostly it is chaotic

Anyway from now on it's a firm no
Even when she lands at my door last minute .com

How about not pussyfooting around and just saying "You're taking the piss. Stop"?

How old is her DC and why would she even think this is OK and why couldn't she or her DP look after the child? Sounds like you've let her walk all over you too often.

No, that doesn't work for me.
No, this isn't my responsibility.
No, that's not what I agreed.
No, I'm busy working.
No, you'll have to sort it out.
No, you're taking advantage.
No, it's getting out of hand.
No, this is stopping now.

Choose any or all of the above.
She's taking the piss and as long as you allow it, she'll continue to do so.

Don't answer the door?

Text ‘Sarah you really took the Micky the other day. Dropping a SICK child here for me to look after overnight and all the next day whilst I’m working. It’s really taking the piss big time. Sick kids need their parents. If he isn’t well enough for nursery you need to look after him. Added on was the overnight as well - beyond piss taking. And then triple piss taking was not saying thank you- you are being really shocking here. I take my part on not calling you out. But I have resolved no more piss taking in 2024!

"Hey friend, I didn't say anything at the time because I was just so surprised by you dropping them off unannounced, but I really can't mind your DC when I am working from home. My work days are incredibly busy, and I cannot spend it looking after your DC. I oftentimes barely get a chance to grab myself food because I am so busy working."

"You want me to what? I should cocoa"
"You're having a laugh, surely?"
"I'm sorry, for a moment, I thought I heard you say you wanted me to drop everything with zero notice and parent your child for you?"

None of the above are particularly conducive to an ongoing friendship, so maybe try "I'm really sorry, we must have got out of synch somewhere, this isn't working for me, so we'll have to discuss what would so I can help you in a way that doesn't disrupt me so much".

You don’t need magic phrases, you need to rethink your attitude to yourself, your work, your boundaries, and whatever it is that saw you just standing by in silence when this woman drops off a sick child for you to look for 24 hours. Prioritise yourself.

Why did you let the child in through the door when no arrangement had been made for you to look after them. You need to speak up and explain (without any ‘phrases’ off the internet) that you’re not her childcare.

I can't. I'm working.

Don't apologise. If she turns up, say, 'We didn't agree this. I'm not free.

Honestly?

More fool you

This.

Is this the first time that she's done this otherwise lie on earth would she ever think this was something okay to do?

Agreed

100 per cent

He is 8
Very quiet and likes to just lie on sofa with blankets

But I also had to feed him breakfast lunch and dinner
He felt ok that next day and wanted a takeaway

I am just kicking myself I didn't stop it somehow and then there he is getting cosy on the sofa
Totally not his fault

Can I add I'm a single parent
My parents are dead
I pay for childcare for my kids

She sees me as a mug

Obv not looking for sympathy
More a kick up the bum 🤬😫

Say no, close door. Easy!

Oh my God, just "no" surely. How did this even come about?! She must have asked if you could do it and you must have said yes somehow... why?!

And my softness is down to her sometimes helping me

I mean once every 4 months

I help way way more often than that

It's mostly when I'm wfh

Feb mid term I'm saying I'm off on holidays as she will send all the kids over

Wish this was a joke

Happened before but

Never
Ever
This cheeky

Taking the piss to a new level

This really sounds like it’s worth losing this “friendship” over. I put it in quotation marks because no friend would treat you like this. She’s using you. You’re advantageous to her. That’s why you’re in her life. She throws you a bone now and then to keep you sweet. Just stop it. You’re worth more than this.

Yet you keep focusing on her behaviour, not your own.

Was this babysitting pre-arranged? Leaving aside the sickness, had you agreed to have him overnight? Why were neither she nor her husband able to look after their child on a weekday? Did you actually agree to any of this? Why? Either way, why did you say nothing when what was happening was not what you’d undertaken?

Did she actually ask, or did she just knock the door and say Timmy's staying with you overnight and tomorrow because he's sick. Byeeee!

If she asked, you say 'I'm working tomorrow, I can't look after him' and any 'oh he's so quiet' or 'I need you to' you just say, 'I can't, I'm working'

If she didn't ask (breathtaking cheeky fuckery if that's the case!) then you say 'you should have called before coming over, I can't look after Timmy because I'm working'

You may also choose to point out that if you could look after children while you are working then you wouldn't be paying for childcare for your own DC!!

She came because she thought she wouldn't be able to bring him up the next day in the snow

And then make her way to work

No pay
No snacks

No text after to say thanks

I got so stressed by it all I had the most awful headache the next day and did much less work than anticipated

She finds it hard to listen when I say no

E.g. I have wfh calls
She will reply
Yeah but he will be on the sofa watching t v
Not a peep out of him

It's extra stress for me with very little thanks

My own worse enemy

Tell her you can't, you have to pop into the office/ meeting with colleague etc. Repeat. Repeat. She'll get the message.

A firm. No

If she pushes I will say I am working elsewhere as I can't focus at home

Wfh is actual work
I can't seem to get her to realise this