Phrases to use to people who take the UTTER piss

[thisisasurvivor]

May I preface this by saying my friend can be so so decent and really cares about us

But sometimes she takes the utter piss

So her child is sick
I have three reports to do
She drops him to my house the night before he is due to go to school the next day as snow was forecast and he needed minding the next day

I was so gobsmacked I said nothing
Like the fool I am

Next day picks him up at 6pm
Well her wanker husband did
No thank you
Just wanted to know what I had fed him etc
She didn't text thanks

So
For the people who can be really lovely
But also really shitty

Help me with polite ways to say this must stop

She thinks my wfh is sending a few emails drinking coffee
Two hour lunch breaks

My wfh could be 6am to 5 some days
Mostly it is chaotic

Anyway from now on it's a firm no
Even when she lands at my door last minute .com

I thought people’s attitude to WFH would improve after covid. But no. I have two strategies:-

1. Never answer the door.
2. Don’t ever tell anyone I work from home or am self-employed. I pretend to have an office job in an office with colleagues and a miserable boss.

My flexibility is MY resource, not for the use of anyone requiring childcare, checking up on old people or waiting in for deliveries or engineers.

Yesssssssss

‘I’m no good to you on this one.

’Good luck sorting it out mate. Laterz’

Your writing style is very distracting. Are you writing a poem?

Anyway, can you be a bit clearer with what happened? Had you already agreed to watch him the next day, but she turned up the night before? Or was it all totally unexpected?

If you can't bring yourself to have the confirmation, is yours the sort of job where you could work from the office? I'd be inclined to say work situation has changed and I have to be in the office a lot now. I'm a coward.

Get a life would you

FFS, op. I'm sorry, but I can't imagine EVER being such a doormat. Honestly, it is just insane that you allow yourself to be used like this. I would tell you that you need to grow a backbone but I'm not sure you're capable of it.

FGS, stop being such a people pleaser.

When busy block.

When not busy un - block.

Don't open curtains.

Don't open door.

You have a migraine.

You are in bed .

No is a complete sentence.

Grow a backbone.

You say she has difficulty listening to you saying no, but your example ‘I have wfh calls’ isn’t a clear no. I honestly think you can just say - no I can’t do that.

I wonder if it would be a good idea for you to send her a signal before she asks again - something like “just letting you know work is tricky, I’m not going to be able to mind Bob for you any more’. Then she’s forewarned!

Get door camera so you can see if it's her knocking and then just ignore it, don't answer her calls etc..

When she asks you later why you didn't answer door/phone, you say... I was working. If she says, we'll it's never been a problem before, you say, I can't do that anymore.

Don't make up any elaborate excuses or reasons. Just be blunt. I'm working, I can't have him here while I'm working. End of conversation.

If she gets pissy about it, she's not a very good friend.

You are not a friend in her eyes, you are an unpaid resource.

"Hi can you have X on thursday?"
"no sorry"
"Why not?!"
"Because I cant!"
"But..... reasons reasons"
"Sorry but I cant"

The more you say no the less you will hear from her. Guaranteed.

Edit to add NEVER give a reason why you cant, as they will always find a way around it. "I have an appointment" Oh....he can come with you he wont be any trouble. "I have a Zoom meeting" but he will be on the sofa watching TV he wont disturb you....and so on. Just a "No, I cant" Never get into trading reasons, with a cheeky fucker you will always lose.

"how fuckin dare you dump your ill child on me! Its not i dont care about his wellbeing-you didnt ask,you left no emergency instructions-literally ANYTHING could have happened.DO NOT EVER do that again.theres no pint thanking me now. i wish a speedy recovery. am actually fewmin atchu

This is perfect. You need to add on though that she was taking the risk of you becoming ill as a result. Also it was done without any negotiation or even a query. She is so rude.

Lol
Lol

Okay theeeeeen

What did your last slave die of?
Or Piss off with a 🤣

Text ‘Sarah you really took the Micky the other day. Dropping a SICK child here for me to look after overnight and all the next day whilst I’m working. It’s really taking the piss big time. Sick kids need their parents. If he isn’t well enough for nursery you need to look after him. Added on was the overnight as well - beyond piss taking. And then triple piss taking was not saying thank you- you are being really shocking here. I take my part on not calling you out. But I have resolved no more piss taking in 2024!

^^ Yes, this with knobs on! And mean it!

New Year Resolution - stop enabling piss taking CF friend.

The standard MN response to everything in life. Only three posts in.

Oh, no. In your last couple of posts sounds as if you're starting to redirect your energy to getting annoyed with internet strangers, OP. You need that energy to stand up to your bully friend.
There are some good suggestions on here.

What is in your past that makes you think you have to be a doormat? It doesn't matter that she thinks working from home is not real work. You just don't want to look after and feed a sick kid that has two parents for a couple of days while you're a single parent trying to work with not even a thank you or some covering of food and snacks. What if you had caught this and had to take time off work or your own child had caught it. Start your new approach by billing her for the share of the child's takeaway. The next time she tries this, don't let over the door step. Tell her you're expecting an important call if you need to say something and firmly close the door - in her face if necessary. Just think how she must snigger to her husband about how gullible you are if you need to stiffen your spine.

Very true but this is one of the few situations where it might be the right response, friend would probably leave the kid on the doorstep though.
OP, sorry you're going through this, don't beat yourself up because what's done is done. However the only solution I see is to send a text like PP wrote, and say you will have no further contact because her behaviour is outside the norm of what is acceptable, and actually block.

Not really the point of your thread but god it irritates me when people think as you WFH you do sweet f all. Often I work from 5am to 7pm with hardly a break. I do so much less when I’m actually in the office. My mum used to phone ‘can you just nip me shopping I’ll only be an hour or two’ yeah mum, I’m sure my employer would love to pay for your shipping trip.

I like This

Thanks all
It's utter shit

I need to grow a pair

Finally 😞🤬

So you agreed to have him the next day but she turned up at night and just left him with you?

Why are you offering to have anyone’s kids while you work.

She doesn’t see your wfh as challenging because you have no issue baby sitting for her.

’i can’t look after him. I am working’

Or did you not agree to have him at all? But just opened the door and took him anyway? Did she leave him on the doorstep? So you had no choice?

I don't think this is a friendship worth preserving if she can't accept that this was totally unreasonable and that it will never happen again. So, tell her that and let the cards land where they may, I mean what is she bringing to your life beyond her problems?

OP, as you say yourself, you're your own worst enemy.

She is definitely not a friend and is using you. I would actually cut all ties.