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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be fed up with people claiming RB can't have been a rapist because women were throwing themselves at him?

90 replies

Greensleeves · 18/09/2023 22:10

It's such fundamentally flawed thinking. Rapists don't rape because they can't get sex any other way. That's what incels would have us believe - that rape happens because women are frigid meanies and drive men to desperation - but it's arrant nonsense.

Rapists rape because they like it. They enjoy our fear, our powerlessness, the struggling and tears and the feeling of total dominance and control. Often normal consensual sex doesn't hit the spot for them no matter how much of it is available. Rape really isn't that closely related to consensual sex. It's much more like beating the shit out of someone, or verbally abusing someone until they're a quivering mess. It's an act of violence, it's about power, and it absolutely isn't something only sex-starved desperate men do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Greensleeves · 18/09/2023 23:59

Particularly galling when women come out with it. It's basically the blue-balls nonsense teenage boys used to trot out. It makes women responsible for rape ffs. Grrrr.

OP posts:
justheretoread111 · 19/09/2023 00:00

Totally agree. Between this attitude and the ‘funny that no one reported it at the time’ brigade, deeply depressing all round.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2023 00:09

It's utter nonsense, isn't it? People's reckons are bad enough about things that don't matter. I wish they'd keep them to themselves.

I've worked with sex offenders and they range from the kind of men who could never get laid all the way to charismatic, very attractive men in successful relationships who STILL rape other women because they want that. Not consensual sex, they want to rape.

redribbon1 · 19/09/2023 00:10

please show some respect for the women who are making claims, you can't judge statements you were not therewatchingn the events. please let the police investigate and if necessary let the legal system decide. if they are worth their salts they will. I watched the standup with my ex on DVD in 2006 and i didn't take to him due to his attitude to women back then. after watching despatches I am so glad i have sons not daughters and they know respect for women.

Screamingabdabz · 19/09/2023 00:17

I think that’s why he got away with it for so long.

Lots of young women willing to shag him and the prevailing notion in courtrooms, police stations and in the heads of many people that if a woman looks like she’s agreeable then the bloke is well within his rights to choke her with his penis so she is crying and panicked she can’t breath. Same with the rough sex gone wrong defences and dead prostitutes. Men are believed but women are just worthless slags who deserve what they get.

You’ve got another woman on another thread whose husband told her to ‘know her place’ - in 2023!!!

Women and girls still have such a long way to go to fight the insidious sexism and misogyny across this society. And we are in a fairly liberal democracy! God knows how intelligent switched on women fair in other male-dominant cultures. (Well we do know - they adopt submissive, domestic personas for safety and protection in traditional communities.)

MartinChuzzlewit · 19/09/2023 01:14

Who has said this?

redribbon1 · 19/09/2023 01:54

another issue with the delay in women reporting crimes sometimes it takes some time to realise they were groomed or raped. my friend was groomed and it took 4 months for us to work it out as the ex and family head in a spin, this was also narsistic abuse too, we were in our 30s/40s not age 16. i feel for his alleged victims and really feel there will be much more to come now word has got out.

Brightandshining · 19/09/2023 05:05

Yanbu
I hoped society had moved on but obviously not
No one wants to be raped that's the literal definition of rape
Doesn't matter if the man is attractive and charismatic ffs it's still deeply traumatic

lollipoprainbow · 19/09/2023 05:05

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autienotnaughty · 19/09/2023 05:51

MartinChuzzlewit · 19/09/2023 01:14

Who has said this?

Men probably

Throwncrumbs · 19/09/2023 05:56

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I’m curious to know where her parents were, what they knew, what they thought about it at the time to be honest. There is no way my 16 year old would be meeting up with a 30 year old RB ever!

NoMor · 19/09/2023 06:05

@lollipoprainbow She got in the car as they were 'dating'. That's how grooming works, they treat you well for a bit so you don't know what they're like. She was a child, why do you think she knew what he was like at that point?
@Throwncrumbs It's all in the documentary, he told her what to tell them. 16 year olds do things their parents don't know about.

Readingineading · 19/09/2023 06:08

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Because at 16 she didnt have the tools available to make a reasoned decision, she was emotionally still a child. She was groomed.
Its massively unfair, and lets be honest, illogical, to expect a child to act like an adult . HE was the adult. HE was in a position of power due to their ages. HE told her what to say to her parents. HE is to blame.

YeOldeBuxomWench · 19/09/2023 06:20

I have issue with dispatches holding onto the information for three years. When they started investigating the probably had a good amount of evidence to think it was worth investigating. He could well have been reoffending in that time. They weren't looking out for other women. I'm sure someone will be along to explain this issue away though. I just think if he was such a prolific offender this could have been reported earlier and it speaks volumes really. Once he starts being critical and exposing corruption (whether true or not) all this evidence is found. If the allegations are true I would be disgusted with both Brand and those who were in positions of power and knew about it and did nothing.

PermanentTemporary · 19/09/2023 06:24

They didn't 'hold on to it'. They were investigating it to the point where they thought they could win a libel case if he brought one. He employs Rottweiler libel lawyers and libel laws in this country are notorious.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2023 06:28

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I'm curious how (I assume) a grown adult like you has missed every single piece of psychology and sociology about grooming, trauma, socialisation, fame, influence and maturity.

That's quite a feat. Do you live in a box? With your fingers in your ears? Underwater?

In other news, girls who have been abused or neglected in childhood seek out familiar relationships and are sought out by predators. It's up to the rest of us to deal with predators so they can grow up safely and process their stuff as adults.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2023 06:29

PermanentTemporary · 19/09/2023 06:24

They didn't 'hold on to it'. They were investigating it to the point where they thought they could win a libel case if he brought one. He employs Rottweiler libel lawyers and libel laws in this country are notorious.

Even though he's all about free speech. According to him.

YeOldeBuxomWench · 19/09/2023 06:32

PermanentTemporary · 19/09/2023 06:24

They didn't 'hold on to it'. They were investigating it to the point where they thought they could win a libel case if he brought one. He employs Rottweiler libel lawyers and libel laws in this country are notorious.

I get what you were saying, but wouldn't taking the evidence to the police in the first instance been the better idea? I know the police are not great with sexual assault cases, but I'm pretty sure that if their evidence was robust enough the police would have done their own investigation. Not doing this is not going to convince people who doubt MSM that these allegations happened. I just think that was an error, but at least it opens up the debate about broadcasters ignoring predatory behaviour.

Superwooman · 19/09/2023 06:33

I don't see how ITN can pay people to shut up about a crime.
the non-disclosure agreements.
How is that allowed anywhere?

Women dress so provocatively onstage - whilst demanding respect.
I still have problems with this. Men don't dress this way. It's fashion but I think it's difficult.

LoudestRoar · 19/09/2023 06:39

Nice piece of victim blaming there. Clothes don't rape women, men do.

Feelinggoodtuesday · 19/09/2023 06:40

Bloody hell, what does allegations against RB have to do with women and their on stage dressing? Provocative or otherwise? It’s 2023. Stand up and be counted or sit down and shut up.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2023 06:41

I'm pretty sure that if their evidence was robust enough the police would have done their own investigation.

Firstly, LOL, because they don't.

Secondly, that's the point. It took several years to investigate to the point that there was robust evidence. The the burden of proof is less in a libel case than a criminal case. Even if they are at the point where lawyers are telling them it's very very good vis-a-vis balance of probabilities, it may still not be beyond a reasonable doubt. Especially as juries seem very bad at telling what a rape is.

Buffypaws · 19/09/2023 06:42

Indeed OP. There has been such moronic and unbelievably man-pandering commentary on all this that I have found myself quite depressed, as have others I know. It really does feel like we are thumping our heads against a concrete wall. And it’s not even RAAC.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2023 06:43

Superwooman · 19/09/2023 06:33

I don't see how ITN can pay people to shut up about a crime.
the non-disclosure agreements.
How is that allowed anywhere?

Women dress so provocatively onstage - whilst demanding respect.
I still have problems with this. Men don't dress this way. It's fashion but I think it's difficult.

dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/

Clothes make no odds to a rapist. And you don't need respect not to rape someone. Just not being a rapist is enough.

Dragonwindow · 19/09/2023 06:45

This whole thing is bringing up so much from the 90s/00s for me. "Once a man's started he can't stop", and the general feeling that once you're in someone's bedroom you've made your decision and you can't change your mind. Lots of phrases like "she got herself into trouble", and "well, she was giving mixed messages".

This was so deeply ingrained in us. I've never been sexually assaulted, but I've had a lot of sex that I didn't actually want. (and I've only ever had genuinely nice partners, and I know they would be mortified to hear that).

Even you have enthusiastically "thrown yourself" at a man, that doesn't give him carte blanche to do whatever he wants to you. Obviously. I'm really sad that so many people still seem to be thinking this way- I hope they're mostly people from our generation who've never broken that cycle of thinking, and that younger people understand on a fundamental level how wrong this is.