to be fed up with people claiming RB can't have been a rapist because women were throwing themselves at him?

[Greensleeves]

It's such fundamentally flawed thinking. Rapists don't rape because they can't get sex any other way. That's what incels would have us believe - that rape happens because women are frigid meanies and drive men to desperation - but it's arrant nonsense.

Rapists rape because they like it. They enjoy our fear, our powerlessness, the struggling and tears and the feeling of total dominance and control. Often normal consensual sex doesn't hit the spot for them no matter how much of it is available. Rape really isn't that closely related to consensual sex. It's much more like beating the shit out of someone, or verbally abusing someone until they're a quivering mess. It's an act of violence, it's about power, and it absolutely isn't something only sex-starved desperate men do.

@Superwooman women can dress how they like and still expect respect.

Hell, even if I'm naked I still deserve respect.

I'm so sick of people blaming women for mens behaviour

I wonder if @Superwooman thinks men who go around with no top on in the summer are asking for it too

So depressing how many people are defending RB on here. He is a rapist scumbag and should be treated as such.

This. It’s all very well saying 16 is the age of consent, which is fine when it’s peer to peer relationships, but an experienced adult woman would find what he is alleged to have done horrendous to deal with, let alone a young girl, which at 16 you are. At 16 you tend to have a hearts and roses type view of the world, so these crimes would have come completely out of the blue for them. Even the older women, you don’t expect to be treated like this, none of the women would have gone near him if they had known what he was like.

There was even a thread started by an (apparent) female police officer on here the other day defending him. Which is scary stuff.

Might have been a troll (hopefully) but still shows the levels to which apologists will sink to defend rapists.

It's interesting. There must be a psychological study in there about why "creepy old men" (post last week about one walking around topless in his own garden) or male volunteers at playgroup (thread today) are automatically assumed to be abusers but rapists who are successful, intelligent and objectively not physically fitting the description of "pervert" are defended.

Charisma, loads of it.

As previous poster said, charisma by the bucketload, charming, hilarious and intelligent plus quite good looking. So shoot me.

I had a male friend like this:

He was to the outside world charming, funny, cultured, had a good job and was quite a nice looking guy. So he never was short of female attention and almost always had beautiful and smart women as girlfriends.

Turned out that the charm only lasted for the first few weeks of his relationships until the woman was 'hooked' then he would turn into a an abuser, slowly destroying their confidence, messing with their heads, forcing them to take drugs and do things they just did not want to do/assaulting them.

Our circle of friend did not have a clue.

My point is you never know what goes on behind closed door and a woman might enter a relationship willingly at the beginning only to find herself prey to a clever narcissist/sociopath...

So I don't understand how anyone could support Brand at this stage and try to blame the victims for what he did.

I struggle to understand what any woman has ever seen in him to be honest. A crude twat in the inside, and butt ugly on the outside. He makes my skin crawl.

Well there you go, each to their own and all that.

My point is it helps if you have the general public onside.
I might believe that the way we dress has no effect on would be rapists , you might believe that the way we dress has no effect on would be rapists but isn’t the reason cases are not put before a jury because others believe how you dress DOes effect a would be rapist.

The tv prog showed the audience laughing at his description of making women cry when giving him a blow job, with their mascara running down their face. Laughing!!

@Superwooman so your solution is to moderate women's behaviour instead of challenging and changing how men behave?

Seeing the comments online have made me feel utterly sick... especially as a survivor of an abusive relationship where for years I didn't even see that what was happening was rape/sexual assault. I never reported any of it because what would be the point? It was my word against his. I keep seeing calls for 'evidence' well not all rapes end in bruises, damage, etc, and what would be the point in claiming DNA evidence when you've had consensual sex with that person many times? People forget that rape is not always a violent predator down some back alley.

Added to the fact that there's a 2% conviction rate for reported rapes, no wonder women don't come forward. Given that they'd have their entire sexual history dragged over the coals, debate about what they wore, what type of underwear they own is it any wonder that they aren't willing to retraumatise themselves by going through with it?

I'm aware of the allegations around RB but only managed to watch around 30 minutes of it. The 'mascara' scene at the very beginning was uncomfortable enough. I had to turn it off when I had a panic attack during his 'be a nice guy at first' routine.... 'we don't have to have sex, we can just cuddle and watch It's a Wonderful Life'... the very DVD that my abuser put on the first time he came over to my house. It's like an abuser's handbook.

Apologies this has turned into a bit of a me-rail rant and thanks for reading. Just hate seeing the comments defending him. And don't get me started on him being 'silenced' for his 'truth' aka massive misinformation.

@Superwooman so as has been asked off you above what about the babies that are raped or the 80yo granny in bed. What did clothing have to do with their rape?

I can see you hold outdated views on rape, and it would be really good to educate yourself a bit more, because the answer is not to blame the victims and appease all the other morons who say this, but for us all to come together and stand up to these rape apologists.

Women are seen as sub human, you might think women are making gains, but it only takes something like this to see how backward attitudes towards women are. You with your comments encourage this, you are part of the problem and I hope to god you learn about rape myths before you pass your dangerous ideas onto any potential children in your care.

You don’t understand my post

Each to their own but I can't understand how anyone found him attractive enough to throw themselves at him. He's always been creepy to me, nasty whiny voice, scrawny and unwashed looking.

It's just lazy thinking from people who don't want to confront their own unpleasant attitudes. Yes they are part of the bystanders who let this stuff happen.

Take note because they think the same about you, serve on juries, join the police and date us.

Ted Bundy had girls throwing themselves at him and still even when he was in court being convicted of being a serial killer and rapist, he tried to deny it and so many women were convinced he was too charming to be a serial killer and rapist. Some people stand in denial, I kind of expect that answer from men but the fact that many women are now conditioned in society to believe this is shocking and is the reason so many rapes go unreported

Oh I think I do ......

You are absolutely right. I honestly thought we had got past all this nonsense, and that women would be believed when they reported rapes or sexual assaults. It is deeply depressing that I am wrong.

"My point is it helps if you have the general public onside.
I might believe that the way we dress has no effect on would be rapists , you might believe that the way we dress has no effect on would be rapists but isn’t the reason cases are not put before a jury because others believe how you dress DOes effect a would be rapist"

So to keep the general public on side, women should dress demurely?

Absolutely this. The problem is that they already like RB, they look up to him and feel that they know him. It's a mixture of not wanting him discredited because he's so inciteful at battling the establishment with his conspiracy theories and also, if Russ, their "mate" is capable of this horrific behaviour behind closed doors, what are their real mates capable of?
Someone said that most women know many female friends who have been a victim of sex crime, but very few men know any male friends who have ever committed a sex crime. Well someone's doing it and 98% of sex offenders are men.

I think the idea that rape doesn't happen in a man is having consensual sex is crazy. It's just nuts. There will always be people who are more interested in having what they can't have and who are bored by what they can get easily, men who can't accept no or find it thrilling to overcome resistance from a woman.

How have some women managed to live long enough to be posting on mumsnet and haven't ever noticed this?

That isn't a me-rail, it's incredibly powerful and I hope everyone reads it. I don't think attitudes towards rape and sexual assault - towards women in general - have ever been worse in this country. I made the mistake of browsing Twitter during the screening of the C4 documentary. The level of hatred and contempt coming from male voices was terrifying, but the complicity, appeasement and internalised misogyny from women was almost worse.

Yeah, great point. There's no sexual violence in countries where stupid women just do what they're damn well told and behave in a demure and seemly manner.