Double mastectomy - flat- nurse made me feel like shit!

[Stressedgiraffe]

Went to the hospital today to pick up foobs. Nurse made me feel like shit.
I had a smx 12 years ago and the other smx 4 weeks ago so now flat.
I've bought a bra but am not wearing the soft boobs.
She questioned me as to why not and that I should wear the foobs. As "it's more feminine and people might look and wonder"
Ffs I might wear them but I'm finding it freeing to be flat. Why is that so difficult to understand?

What an awful comment for her to make! So what if someone wonders? It's nothing to do with them. Sorry you've had to go through all that shit to get a comment like that

Thanks I've was feeling positive and now I'm feeling a bit down.

That's terrible! What a fucking idiot. Sorry OP.

complain, that is a crassly stupid, ignorant and offensive comment

What a weird thing for her to say! To be generous perhaps it is her job to make sure you are keeping up with self care/ OK in your mental health etc. But wearing the foobs or not is up to you, not anyone else.

She should be sacked

Please complain/ feedback if you feel able OP, that's unacceptable for her to say to anyone. People can look and wonder why should you give a shit, and 'more feminine' can fuck off

I'm a nurse .. on behalf of this woman

I apologise for being a fuckwit 💐

You go girl !

That is disgusting. Please complain.

No don't apologise for her please. You are not one homogeneous group.

Please complain - what a grossly inappropriate comment from her. She absolutely needs to understand what she said was wrong and why.

Everyone gets to choose their own path, they don't have to follow hers.

I hope you're doing OK with your treatment and surgical recovery!

I think you should highlight it. You sound so sensible in the face of a totally unexpected and horrid comment on something so personal. I feel cross for you and so hope she isn’t saying similar things to others. Be the one who speaks up if you can.

If you feel like reporting this, I would. She ought to be put straight so she doesn't inflict further damaging nonsense advice on people. There is absolutely no reason for you to wear anything you don't want to wear, and you look perfectly fine as you are! What would she say about women who are genetically inclined to be flat-chested? Should they wear fake boobs, in her bizarre opinion?

However, if you don't want to have to think about it or go to the effort of reporting, that's completely understandable, too!

I've been pondering lately why getting both off isn't offered as a standard choice, since getting matching boobs isn't always straightforward. There's an assumption that women want to look like they did before, but tbh, just looking roughly symmetrical would be fine for a lot of us. It would have been fine for me looking back.
I would provide "feedback" OP, her job is to make you feel better not worse!

What an idiot!

I used to work in NHS complaints - this is absolutely something you should feedback on (only if you feel able to, of course, and no need to do so immediately) -it goes completely against the ethos of all the mastectomy guidance

Apart from anything else it's ridiculous to suggest that flat chested women aren't feminine! She's basically saying female = boobs which is offensive on multiple levels.

That is a spectacularly insensitive comment to make.

So sorry OP. Ignore ignore ignore.

She shouldn't comment. 'More feminine' especially is a rude and unpleasant comment - maybe you're not the sort of woman who wants to look "feminine".

If they wonder, they'll be right: what can they be wondering about? Has that lady had a mastectomy? Well, they'll be right.

If the result of the surgery is good and you're satisfied with how your body looks after it without having to rely on false breasts to make yourself feel better, surely that's to the good? It's surely a better way mentally to be coping with the surgery to accept how your body looks and the changes that have been made to it?

Or even to focus on the positive side-effects: if you're flat, no need for a bra, since there's nothing hanging down. I think that sort of attitude is likelier to make for happier women post-mastectomy than pretending like you still have your breasts as they were.

You should absolutely complains to PALS about this - this nurse needs retraining on the correct way to support mastectomy patients. It's part of her basic competencies, and she's failing.

I'm so sorry you experienced this.
She is totally out of order and if you can devote the energy to it I would encourage you to complain. What an awful comment to make.

More feminine?! Fuck off.
People will look and wonder? They can fuck off too.

It's beyond crass of her.

That is shocking. I'm sure for many women, being comfortable post-recovery is the priority not worrying about "looking feminine" for the world at large. I agree a complaint would be in order as the nurse clearly needs additional training.

What the hell.. I have a large mole on my face that I have never really cared about, went to get it checked and the doctor said oh gosh that is a really ugly one. I've been conscious about it ever since. I know my situation doesn't compare to yours but you would think these care professionals would be a bit more sensitive to what they are saying. Hope your ok and try not to let the comment fester

Fuck her - with bells on!

What a thing to say to a woman at her most vulnerable.
Please complain. She clearly needs some additional training. This should never ever have been said to you and her trust need to make sure she doesn't say it to anyone else.

Contact PALS if you are in England. That is disgraceful. I'm an HCP and am horrified by that!

You need to make a complaint, firstly to the sister in charge on the day you saw the nurse and secondly, via PALS. This kind of thing will absolutely be taken seriously and feedback to the nurse in question.