Double mastectomy - flat- nurse made me feel like shit!

[Stressedgiraffe]

Went to the hospital today to pick up foobs. Nurse made me feel like shit.
I had a smx 12 years ago and the other smx 4 weeks ago so now flat.
I've bought a bra but am not wearing the soft boobs.
She questioned me as to why not and that I should wear the foobs. As "it's more feminine and people might look and wonder"
Ffs I might wear them but I'm finding it freeing to be flat. Why is that so difficult to understand?

Ive also had a double mastectomy and also love the freedom of no boobs. Also had some stupid comments from people who just cannot grasp it.

What a horrible comment!

I bet you look great @Stressedgiraffe!

I'm so sorry that you've experienced this.

Please complain. The feedback may help to change attitudes, not that it helps you right now.

All good wishes to you.

please please report this horrible twat.

Ps I gave the Bc gene and plan on going flat in the future!! You have support OB.

I'm so sorry.

I had a very similar situation, I'd had a bilateral mastectomy and also a hysterectomy (inc overlies and cervix). The delightful young nurse actually asked me if I still felt female considering that I no longer had anything that made me a woman!

I didn't say anything at the time - too shell-shocked - but I spoke to someone afterwards and suggested some additional training would be needed.

*ovaries!

Did you not ask why on Earth she felt entitled to comment?

You should wear them to make other (hypothetically-troubled / unspecified and nosy) people feel comfortable?! What kind of nonsense is that? Enjoy your freedom! I hope you’re making a brilliant recovery and you never see this dreadful nurse again xx

Wtf?!!!

I'm shocked by OPs experience and yours. Definitely complain if you feel up to it OP

What an absolutely terrible thing to say to you. My friend who had a double mastectomy and had to have implants removed a couple of years ago sometimes chooses to wear breast forms, and sometimes not. She's just as feminine and beautiful whatever she chooses to wear, and anyone who would comment isn't worth knowing.
If you want beautiful lingerie which doesn't need the foobs, my friend recently bought a Skarlette which is a top for flat women and she loves it

Sympathies.

I had to have a hysterectomy as a teenager. The nurse saw blood from the wound and brought me a sanitary towel.🙄

Oh my god. I am horrified OP. Please complain to your point of contact at the hospital and also via PALS. Holy hell that woman should not be dealing directly with patients if that's her attitude.

Good grief. I'm sure most nurses are wonderful, but Jeez.

Yep, because we have so many we don't know what to do with!

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

@Stressedgiraffe A giraffe should not be stressed!! The nurse either phrased it badly or is an idiot. There's no reason not to embrace the 'flat' if you're comfortable with it. I would be in padded crop tops so I could wear ALL the vest tops!!!

Nurse here, I'm really sorry she was unthoughtful and more importantly there was no requirement to comment and if commenting I always make sure it's a positive one. Please write to PALS so there can give feedback to the nurse and she can learn.

Enjoy the freedom and celebrate your courage - you have a beautiful body.

Please make a complaint. It's not ok, and neither you nor any other woman coming through the clinic should experience that warped view point.

A lovely friend of mine rocks her uni- boob look following her mastectomy. No plans for reconstruction or false boob. Just being happy and confident in her body they way it is now. Being alive for her small children is what matters and the surgery is part of what hopefully will keep that the case.

Nurse here. Please complain.

She possibly said it stupidly without thinking and as soon as its brought up she regrets it, reflects upon it, doesn't say stupid shit again and doesn't make anyone feel as bad again.

Or the alternative is that she is completely inappropriate for the job and said it with intent. In which case let's have that documented and potentially if its not a one off offence then maybe something needs to be done around attitude.

I would really hope that I would never make someone feel the way she made you feel and if I did I would want to know about and reflect upon it and get the chance to apologise to you.

Wtf, I'm a ward sister and I would be giving my nurses hell if they made a stupid comment like that! Please complain OP.

That's a ridiculous thing to say. Why should you hide away, to spare other people's - I don't know: curiosity?

Really REALLY crass and insensitive. And actively unhelpful! PLEASE don't feel down about it. If I ever have to have the same surgery (BC in my family) I would like to think I will remember, and enjoy emulating, your example.

Fucking hell OP You have been through all that and the first thing that nurse thought of is the sensibilities of complete strangers and what they think What a tool You do what feels best and comfortable for you. Fuck other people

Christ Almighty Toffeesgirl im sorry to hear that Just when i thought i couldnt read any worse.

How incredibly insensitive (monumental understatement). She has no business dealing with people in your situation.

That would be an appalling remark to come from anyone let alone a nurse who one assumes has been specially trained for their role. For this reason , if you feel able to, you might want to consider reporting her. At the very least she needs re-training so that she does not make such an offensive remark to someone else.

I absolutely cringe at some of the comments made by nurses posted on this thread.
Fortunately, not all nurses are so insensitive and, dare I say, misogynistic in their thinking.
You do what makes you happy and comfortable, OP.

I, personally, would give constructive written feedback to the nurse so that they can reflect on it (this can be used as part of nurse CPD training and revalidation) and they can then, hopefully, improve their practice.