Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Speaking to a guy on a post graduate visa - family disapprove

108 replies

Evieanne · 11/07/2023 22:10

So I have been talking to a guy who is on a graduate visa for a while, and in that time, we have taken to each other and seem to have a lot in common. He has told me he would like to get married by next year and would like to meet my family to inform them he has intentions of turning our relationship into a marriage and would appreciate their support, well wishes and blessings.

My family think he’s a nice guy but are sceptical in case he’s using me to secure a permanent residency here in the UK.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
ClementWeatherToday · 11/07/2023 22:12

A guy you've never actually met who will shortly be in need of a visa has TOLD you he wants to marry you within a year? Yeah, listen to your family.

cestlavielife · 11/07/2023 22:13

Whay does " talking " mean?
Is he real?
Have you met him?
Sounds like he wants a visa

JazzyBBG · 11/07/2023 22:15

Where is he from?

FOJN · 11/07/2023 22:16

He has intentions of turning your relationship into a marriage by next year? Does he now? Do you get a say in this?

Do you even have a relationship with him? Have you even met or been dating?

I think his tight timeline suggests he's looking for a visa.

10HailMarys · 11/07/2023 22:17

If he’s telling you he wants to marry you when you’ve just been ‘talking’ then yes, your family are probably right.

Wenfy · 11/07/2023 22:17

Did you meet them on Shaadi.com or similar? That’s the only acceptable answer for him discussing marriage already

VisionsOfSplendour · 11/07/2023 22:18

Do you really need to ask?

Testina · 11/07/2023 22:18

Yeah, he wants a visa 🤷🏻‍♀️

HoneySoyChickenCrisps · 11/07/2023 22:20

Have you actually met IRL? ‘Talking’ is very vague and doesn’t really say much about the state of the relationship, if there’s one. Either way, seems sketchy.

Testina · 11/07/2023 22:22

You are 21 according to another thread, and live under sone bullshit culture where only do what your dad says. Which I guess the one upside to that, is your father is sceptical about this guy. Is he from a country that you have a family connection to?

xyz111 · 11/07/2023 22:23

Imagine your friend telling you this story. What would you say to them? This man is a stranger who wants to get married. I wonder if you were also on a visa whether he would still feel the same....

Original poster
Evieanne · 11/07/2023 22:25

Yeah we have been chatting to each other as more than friends as I am looking for something more too, hence why he said he’d speak to my family as our goal is ideally marriage so that’s why I’m asking for opinions. I don’t mind marrying him if he truly loves me and would stay with me despite a marriage but a lot of people use for visas. He’s from Bangladesh for those asking. I met him on a dating site.

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 11/07/2023 22:26

Is this a joke?

FuckYouDailyMail · 11/07/2023 22:27

How do you know for sure this person is who they claim to be if you've never met them face to face?

Original poster
Evieanne · 11/07/2023 22:28

Testina · 11/07/2023 22:22

You are 21 according to another thread, and live under sone bullshit culture where only do what your dad says. Which I guess the one upside to that, is your father is sceptical about this guy. Is he from a country that you have a family connection to?

yeah he is tbh but that’s because the guy isn’t his nephew. 😂jokes aside, he still sees me as his baby girl and doesn’t want me getting married yet. He said to me that this guy may be good but it’s risky, he wants to meet the guy and his family but doesn’t think it’s a good arrangement because he’s not the same ethnicity

OP posts:
Original poster
Evieanne · 11/07/2023 22:28

FuckYouDailyMail · 11/07/2023 22:27

How do you know for sure this person is who they claim to be if you've never met them face to face?

Video calls, we don’t meet in our culture, that happens when the family is involved. It’s a formality

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 11/07/2023 22:32

😂jokes aside

No one’s joking here but you because nothing here is funny.

Testina · 11/07/2023 22:34

“he still sees me as his baby girl and doesn’t want me getting married yet.”

You’re 21. You are still a baby, and you shouldn’t be getting married yet.

Get out there and grow up some, until you’re old enough to make your own decisions about who you marry.

RampantIvy · 11/07/2023 22:38

Your family are right. You sound very naive.

NeverThatSerious · 11/07/2023 22:39

if this is real, you’re off your fucking head. You’ve been ‘talking’ to someone who is now going on about marrying you, of course he’s got dodgy motives, wake up.

BounceyB · 11/07/2023 22:52

Are you from a culture where it's normal to marry people you hardly know? Tread VERY carefully.

Men who marry for visas only are probably not going to be nice people to be married to, no matter how much you love him or he claims to love you.

Original poster
Evieanne · 11/07/2023 22:54

I understand constructive comments but there’s no need to be so harsh and make jabs at me! I don’t appreciate being called naive Different cultures have different ways of doing things and in ours and my family, we don’t meet the opposite sex alone, we don’t date the traditional way because our family don’t agree with free mixing between men and women and the family have to meet to see if the person is well suited.

OP posts:
HereForTheFreeLunch · 11/07/2023 22:58

Speaking as a woman from the same peninsula... he's after a visa. please don't do this.

So many get the visa and then turn nasty and abusive.

Original poster
Evieanne · 11/07/2023 22:59

So yes I am baffled because my family and many people in this culture believe that if someone loves you they will approach your family and make attempts to marry you and that people who just date you for a while and not marry you, are not trustworthy. And this is also the way a lot of people approach people when they want a visa. So it’s not me being naive or off my fucking head for asking. Would you speak to your own children this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
Evieanne · 11/07/2023 23:01

How can you tell the difference between someone who is sincerely wanting to get married and just happens to be from a different country compared to someone who is using for a visa ? @HereForTheFreeLunch

OP posts: