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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex wants to bring new girlfriend to our child’s 5th birthday party

88 replies

SingleMamaG4 · 20/05/2023 08:01

I left my ex in 2020 and since then he’s been engaged to a woman (wedding was meant to be next month) but she left him. He’s now got a new girlfriend. It’s early days, about a month. The previous lady met our then 2 year old son and they got along great. I trusted her completely. Fast forward and I have planned my sons first proper party. His school friends are coming and some friends and family. Every month I would plan a bit more, buy some decorations and book the entertainment/venue. EP has said he would like to bring his new girlfriend to meet our son/me for the first time. I said I would think about it. He said he’s going to bring her regardless. I feel upset. He initially wasn’t coming at all due to him hating my family- but I said to put his feelings aside and be there for his son. I’ve planned it all.

OP posts:
chocolateisavegetable · 20/05/2023 08:04

Tell him to put his child first - which either means come alone or not at all

MissingMoominMamma · 20/05/2023 08:05

Say no. Your son’s party is not the time or place for that introduction.

Azandme · 20/05/2023 08:05

chocolateisavegetable · 20/05/2023 08:04

Tell him to put his child first - which either means come alone or not at all

This.

Your son's party is all about him, not his dad and girlfriend. It shouldn't be used to introduce a stranger.

LucyIoo · 20/05/2023 08:06

I think put your feelings aside and leave him be. He probably wants some support from someone he gets along with if he doesnt have a good relationship with any of your side of the family.

liveforsummer · 20/05/2023 08:06

I'd change the day and not tell him if he's taking that 'I'll bring her anyway' line

Tree543 · 20/05/2023 08:06

I wouldn't have invited your ex in the first place

Theunamedcat · 20/05/2023 08:07

With that attitude I would be uninviting him

Seriously your split up you dont need to do joint parties

He cannot put a girlfriend of a few weeks above a working relationship with the mother of his child (quite frankly his child won't care at this age)

It all sounds like he wants to show her off

Moonlaserbearwolf · 20/05/2023 08:07

Your son will show zero interest in the new girlfriend at the party - he will only be interested in having fun with his friends. Tell your ex that a children’s party is never the time for a child to meet a new adult!

Azandme · 20/05/2023 08:08

LucyIoo · 20/05/2023 08:06

I think put your feelings aside and leave him be. He probably wants some support from someone he gets along with if he doesnt have a good relationship with any of your side of the family.

It's not about him though. It's about a five year old and his birthday. Do you really think that's the time or place to introduce a new girlfriend to a young child?

LucyIoo · 20/05/2023 08:12

Azandme · 20/05/2023 08:08

It's not about him though. It's about a five year old and his birthday. Do you really think that's the time or place to introduce a new girlfriend to a young child?

Show quote history

I really don't think a 5 year old would care. I imagine a 5 year old would say hello whilst carrying on crazily running around with their friends with not a care in the world.

coconutpie · 20/05/2023 08:16

Well then he gets uninvited, he doesn't just get to decide that he is bringing extra guests to a party you have planned. And also, your son's birthday party is NOT the time or place to introduce a new girlfriend of 4 weeks, they should not be introduced at all until a lot further down the line.

knittingaddict · 20/05/2023 08:17

It's not the time or place to add a new partner to the mix. I would say no and if she comes anyway it will prove how thoughtless he is. It doesn't particularly show the new partner in a great light either. Does no one have any sensitivity here?

notsayingmuch · 20/05/2023 08:18

LucyIoo · 20/05/2023 08:12

I really don't think a 5 year old would care. I imagine a 5 year old would say hello whilst carrying on crazily running around with their friends with not a care in the world.

Show quote history

You are wrong. I can remember being the five year old being introduced to Dad's new girlfriend. I was bewildered. In the end, he came back home to us, so that was weird. At least it was just on a nondescript day, not my birthday, at my party, in front of all my friends and family.

JMSA · 20/05/2023 08:19

What a fanny he is.
YANBU.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 20/05/2023 08:20

LucyIoo · 20/05/2023 08:06

I think put your feelings aside and leave him be. He probably wants some support from someone he gets along with if he doesnt have a good relationship with any of your side of the family.

No he should put his feelings aside and focus on his child. His child's birthday is not the time to meet the new flavour of the month, they shouldn't even be introduced after a month.

Selfesteem22 · 20/05/2023 08:21

Obviously it's not great given how new the relationship is - but it sounds like the kind of thing to let go - your kid is unlikely to notice and at least you and your family will get an idea of what she is like

liveforsummer · 20/05/2023 08:23

Of course a 5 year old will notice. Especially one who had a good relationship with the last one, who has since disappeared from their life. I imagine a new on will being up all kinds of emotions linked to that. Not what you want on a happy day like a party

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 20/05/2023 08:24

Tbh, I would allow it, simply because your son isn’t going to care.

He is going to be surround by his friends and family and he won’t care who a stranger is.

underneaththeash · 20/05/2023 08:25

If he wants to come, he comes alone.

pillsthrillsandbellyache · 20/05/2023 08:32

I would be telling him he wasn't welcome anymore. He has not helped one bit, you have paid for and planned everything. He doesn't get to show up to his sons party with a girlfriend of a month for fucks sake. Stay calm when discussing it with him and remain firm.

SheldontheWonderSchlong · 20/05/2023 08:35

I had this exact scenario - Dd's dad actually decided not to come to her party. After the inevitable breakup with that girlfriend he told me he apparently wasn't 'allowed' to go to the party without her!

Dd is 11 now and chooses to not have a relationship with him anymore. I don't blame her - such a weak, pathetic, selfish man to not go to his daughter's birthday party.

Soontobe60 · 20/05/2023 08:40

You have choices here. Go along with your ex’s demands. Tell your ex he’s no longer invited. Arrange a meet up with his GF before the party.
I would go with the 3rd option because that way your DC will have met the gf beforehand so the party won’t be awkward.

EasterIssland · 20/05/2023 08:42

What would your ds prefer, having you only there or would he love to have his dad there.

I think you’re putting your emotions first , you don’t want her there , instead of your child’s best interests that might be his dad attending his bday party with a friend of his

MzHz · 20/05/2023 08:42

Just tell him that you’ll arrange a specific time to meet her but the child’s birthday really isn’t it. Say to him that you’re keen to have a good co-parent arrangement with him but if he’s not going to be sensible or respectful of this, then he won’t be able to come and he will be turned away.

MzHz · 20/05/2023 08:43

Otherwise, when is the party? Could they come a little early? Help set up before everyone else gets there.