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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ex wants to bring new girlfriend to our child’s 5th birthday party

88 replies

SingleMamaG4 · 20/05/2023 08:01

I left my ex in 2020 and since then he’s been engaged to a woman (wedding was meant to be next month) but she left him. He’s now got a new girlfriend. It’s early days, about a month. The previous lady met our then 2 year old son and they got along great. I trusted her completely. Fast forward and I have planned my sons first proper party. His school friends are coming and some friends and family. Every month I would plan a bit more, buy some decorations and book the entertainment/venue. EP has said he would like to bring his new girlfriend to meet our son/me for the first time. I said I would think about it. He said he’s going to bring her regardless. I feel upset. He initially wasn’t coming at all due to him hating my family- but I said to put his feelings aside and be there for his son. I’ve planned it all.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 20/05/2023 12:23

LucyIoo · 20/05/2023 08:06

I think put your feelings aside and leave him be. He probably wants some support from someone he gets along with if he doesnt have a good relationship with any of your side of the family.

You do know that the child in this scenario is the actual child- not the father?

labamba007 · 20/05/2023 12:49

Does she actually want to go. I can't imagine wanting to go to my boyfriend's son's fifth birthday party organised by his ex wife after dating a month...Christ.

Carryonkeepinggoing · 20/05/2023 12:56

Clearly it’s a shit idea for your son etc etc.
But also, that’s far too much pressure to put on his poor gf! Come and meet my son. And my ex wife. And her entire family and all my son’s friends. That sounds like a terrible date 1month in. Tell him to introduce her at the park or over lunch on his contact weekend or something.

GatoradeMeBitch · 20/05/2023 13:00

Can you ask him to arrange for them to meet before the party, to get it out of the way?

On the plus side at least he'll have someone to talk to at the party if everyone else there dislikes him. Just make sure the attention is on birthday boy, not on gossiping about someone who may be out of all your lives again in a few months.

Reugny · 20/05/2023 13:10

OP if you want your ex to have another girlfriend in a month tell your ex "yes".

Your son will learn from his dad not to follow his example in romantic relationships.

Tinkerbyebye · 20/05/2023 13:34

Tell him his child comes first and that you family will all be there so he had better be prepared for some disapproving comments

Original poster
SingleMamaG4 · 20/05/2023 21:49

I wouldn’t mind meeting her at some point in the future when the relationship and shown longevity and introducing her to our son. But at his party! No yet

OP posts:
Original poster
SingleMamaG4 · 20/05/2023 21:53

I get what you’re saying, but it’s his sons birthday. I thought we could amicably get through it and I invited him so our child could see his parents celebrating him. Our son hasn’t met the new GF and doesn’t know she exists. He had his previous partner in his life for 2 years until recently and still asks me where she has gone etc.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 20/05/2023 21:55

He's a twat, isn't he? Personally I'd uninvite him because he's behaving as if you have to plan and pay for things but he gets to behave how he pleases.

Boundaries.

HotPenguin · 20/05/2023 21:57

No way! Your DS is still asking about the old GF, I think this will be upsetting for him. Surely also very awkward and embarassing for the new GF? He sounds a right tool.

mainsfed · 20/05/2023 21:57

Don’t open the door to the twat.

Original poster
SingleMamaG4 · 20/05/2023 21:58

Thanks all. I’ve told him it won’t be the right time, he won’t actually meet her properly as he’ll be running around having fun and it wont benefit him. Planning a party for a whole class is hard and expensive enough without the added pressure of a stranger.

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 20/05/2023 22:00

She isn't invited, so tell him that.

itsmylife7 · 20/05/2023 22:03

The fact the new girlfriend wants to attend says a lot about her,in my opinion. Your ex sounds like a twat!

giggly · 20/05/2023 22:07

If he insists on coming I’d be asking for half the cost of everything otherwise he’d be uninvited

Greenpolkadot · 11/11/2023 11:19

MissingMoominMamma · 20/05/2023 08:05

Say no. Your son’s party is not the time or place for that introduction.

This,,,defo

EmpressaurusOfCats · 11/11/2023 11:34

The thread started in May so the party’s probably long gone!

LylaLee · 11/11/2023 13:33

I wonder how it played out, and if they are still together.

SingleMamaG · 11/11/2023 14:56

hes now got a new partner and they have moved in together after a month. I definitely made the right decision.

LylaLee · 11/11/2023 15:02

SingleMamaG · 11/11/2023 14:56

hes now got a new partner and they have moved in together after a month. I definitely made the right decision.

Are you the OP?

SingleMamaG · 11/11/2023 15:06

Yes

LylaLee · 11/11/2023 15:48

SingleMamaG · 11/11/2023 15:06

Yes

So, what happened?
(1) did he come to the party?
(2) did he bring the girlfriend
(3) how did your DC react?
(4) how did the girlfriend react? Ex? Other attendees?
(5) you say they've broken up and he's living with someone new. Did the party lead to the break up?

SingleMamaG · 11/11/2023 20:41

(1) did he come to the party? He did
(2) did he bring the girlfriend - no
(3) how did your DC react? Had a fabulous time
(4) how did the girlfriend react? Ex? Other attendees? She wasn’t there
(5) you say they've broken up and he's living with someone new. Did the party lead to the break up? No, I am unsure of why it ended

Kitkatcatflap · 12/11/2023 02:02

I bet he's told the new girlfriend he has paid for the party ...... making out he's Superdad.

I would uninvite him. It's too soon to meet the latest one and party is the wrong place

Jewelspun · 12/11/2023 02:31

It does also depend on the girlfriends attitude.

If she's a decent person she will accept that it's the boys birthday party and not expect him to take much time acknowledging her.

If she's a drama Queen she might make a scene or form a ridiculous opinion that the boy doesn't like her because he isn't spending lots of time chatting to her etc.

It's a very bad idea in my opinion.

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