"Do you feel safe??" he asked as I got in the Jaccuzi at the Gym)

[Tothemoonandbackx]

Went to the Gym (popular generic brand) today, felt like a change and decided to get in the Jaccuzi after my work out. Two men in there already, not a thought crossed my mind that I would feel uncomfortable to get in on my own. The eldest man (70's ish maybe) asked me "Do you feel Safe?"........I said "sorry" as I didn't know if I'd heard him right.....he said again....."do you feel safe?"........I asked "shouldn't I"?? And the other bloke (40's ish) says......"we're alright, you don't need to worry about us"........I just continued to sit in the Jaccuzi and get lost in my own thoughts for the day........aibu to think that that was a little weird though right?????

Report! Report! Report!

I think I'd have got out again. I hope I would also have added 'well I don't now!' but I may have chickened out.

I wonder if it was a backhanded way off offering to leave of you felt uncomfortable but I wasn't there so you'll know better than me.

How did they seem otherwise? When I was at a spa I was in one of the saunas and a man asked me if I minded him coming in, they're bloody huge, and I'm not exactly irresistible. But he seemed like a decent bloke that recognised some women may feel uncomfortable in little clothing alone in a room with a man. Either he was conscious of you feeling uncomfortable or conscious of his own pervyness.

I’d have probably asked “Do you?”

Red flag

This would have been my take.

What a knobhead.

It sounds like it was a power play. He knew he and the other man were in a more dominant position. You were supposed to simper and say 'oh no, it's fine, please stay'. Well done for not obliging.

If in the unlikely event he did want to make you feel safer, he would have just left the jacuzzi.

I would interpret that as him being a dick with an overinflated ego.

It’s hard to tell from your post whether he was checking that you felt ok with them staying in the jacuzzi with you, or he was some weirdo making a strange comment.

Given you felt content to stay in there and zone out, lost in your own thoughts, I’d say it was a clumsy attempt at reassuring you/offering to get out if you felt uncomfortable.

I also wonder if he was trying to imply they'd been in the jacuzzi a while and could leave if you preferred to not share it. Definitely a weird, uncomfortable comment. Surely if you'd seen them and not felt safe, you'd have walked away anyway?

I find it hard to believe they were concerned about whether you were comfortable sharing the jacuzzi with two men; you wouldn't have got in if you felt they were a threat. It's also a strange way to express concern, it sounds like a challenge more than anything. It's a question which would make me feel nervous if I hadn't before. I agree with PP it comes a cross as a really weird power play.

I think he was asking you in a roundabout way if you were ok with them being in there.

He didn't say it in a....creepy way, but it wasn't in an overly pleasant genuine concerned way either, if that makes any sort of sense, kind of just, a straightforward, "do you feel safe??", I suppose I'm just wondering now as, did it really need saying at all??? It's the first time I've ever been asked that question before, and don't know if I responded in the right way. Nothing I can do about it now of course, but just been thinking about it more while I'm alone at work.

I would also think they were being concerned and decent. I've been asked the same when a man joined me in a lift and asked if I minded him being in there too.

If he really was asking if you minded them being there, it was a weird choice of words. You got in when they were already there, he surely didn’t think you would get in if you felt unsafe. So I think he was being a dick.

Surely this was them trying to be helpful?

I would say he’s possibly a (retired) lawyer and is covering his arse in case you were to complain about something.

Firstly you were unreasonable to get into a jacuzzi, full of nasties.
Secondly, what on earth is the world coming to where people have to ask or even answer that question?

You see that would have scared the crap out of me - and what could you do once the lift doors had closed if you didn't feel safe?

Lol sure. Definitely more likely to be a retired lawyer than just an idiot man. God the excuses me make for mens bullshit 🙄

Being a retired lawyer doesn’t preclude him from also being an idiot man 🤣

Why is it a red flag?

So why is it relevant then?

I agree