"Do you feel safe??" he asked as I got in the Jaccuzi at the Gym)

[Tothemoonandbackx]

Went to the Gym (popular generic brand) today, felt like a change and decided to get in the Jaccuzi after my work out. Two men in there already, not a thought crossed my mind that I would feel uncomfortable to get in on my own. The eldest man (70's ish maybe) asked me "Do you feel Safe?"........I said "sorry" as I didn't know if I'd heard him right.....he said again....."do you feel safe?"........I asked "shouldn't I"?? And the other bloke (40's ish) says......"we're alright, you don't need to worry about us"........I just continued to sit in the Jaccuzi and get lost in my own thoughts for the day........aibu to think that that was a little weird though right?????

I don't see whats weird, you're just making it weird! His choice of words were questionable but he was quite obviously being thoughtful

if it was a genuine inquiry as to whether you would prefer if they vacated, it was worded strangely.
Surely it should have been voiced along the lines of ‘we’ve been in here a while, would you like us to leave or are you comfortable with us being here?’.
’Do you feel safe’ sounds goady, almost like they were challenging you or something.

Haha yes this would of been a great come back

I would not have got in there in the first place.

I think some men just don't understand the impact of their words. I don't think they were necessarily trying to freak vyou out but kinda checking you weren't expecting them to go.
There's a short cut on the way home, fence broke but lots of people use it to cross a small field. I'm just in the hole stepping through and a man very close behind me says "nice short cut" but he was RIGHT behind me. I jumped and whacked my elbow, I wish I'd have kicked backwards instead.
Once on the field I moved to the side and walked slowly, he kept walking so I was behind him but he scared the crap out of me. If he'd have grabbed me there it's fairly secluded. No doubt he didn't mean to.

I think it shows that they are paying attention to the current climate 🤔 and were trying to put you at ease. Clumsy but aware.

But what could op have said other?
In that scenario as she's stepping into the pool, is she really going to say no and risk them being verbally aggressive over the insinuation? Or is she going to reassure them and placate them so they don't?

What for?
Who to?
What would you expect them to do as a result of your report?

I think it's a man lacking in social skills, aware that times/expectations have changed, trying to do the right thing.

I think it could have either been a creepy weirdo or a person trying to be nice and if you'd said actually yes can you leave would have happily left. It's a weird way of asking though

Yes who do we report potential jacuzzi creeps to?

This was my take.

There are a lot of men haters on MN who will insist you go to the police as they are clearly potential rapists sizing you up.

Bloody hell, the guy asked a question and mumsnet want to hang the poor bloke.

Does nobody else think they it might have been about covid, and a hangover from a now abandoned two person rule? We're in a wave, after all (at least we are where I am)

Jacuzzi's are disgusting YABU to have got into one.
Perhaps a woman before you came seemed to change her mind or hesitate about getting into it because they were there and the two blokes said to each other perhaps she didn't feel safe getting in with us so when you rocked up they asked you. I understood it as checking you're alright with them there of if you'd prefer them to leave and / or following from something that happened earlier.

Ah that makes more sense. A PA dig that she was getting too close?

I’d have said do you? As tbh you can, I’m not allowed to carry weapons since my release and my hands will be slippery from the water, so you’re probably ok, but you never know…..

"He didn't say it in a....creepy way, but it wasn't in an overly pleasant genuine concerned way either, if that makes any sort of sense, kind of just, a straightforward, "do you feel safe??""

Sounds like one of the following

• a man used to women acting coy and living their whole life in a "safe" way such that anyone who doesnt act like that they find mildly affronting, and feel the need to quasi put them down to redress what they think is the correct power/respect balance in their heads


• a man who gets a sexual/erotic thrill out of seeing a woman sqirm and wanted you to squirm. If you did not they were probably mildly pissed off

I would not have taken the above interation in any way as them offering to get out themselves. If they genuinely wanted you to feel "safe" they would have politely acknowledged you and then totally ignored you.

Or could have been an ego with an over-inflated dick!
But seriously, although the phraseology may have been a bit gauche, I think he was probably being mindful of the fact that you might feel uneasy.

Sorry, I didn't explain too well. I was in the lift, it stopped at his level and the doors opened. Before he stepped in he asked "Do you mind if I get in too?" and when I said it was fine then he stepped in.

I’d have assumed he was talking about covid

The way I read it, if she'd said 'no' they would have got out, who mentioned verbal aggression?

I agree with PPs who say that he seems like a man who is aware of the current climate.

None of us were there so this is literally a thread of different interpretations

Right?!?!?!

i think this too.

@FelicityFlops you mean nasties as in the men??, or nasties as in the bugs, lol, just messing, I think the amount of Chlorine they use could wipe out a horse 😳 The world seems to have got to a point where a man could either be asking a simple innocent question, or be seen as being inappropriate. It's a sad state of affairs. I know it's hard for others to imagine as it is when you're not there to experience it first hand, but I can't put my finger on it either way, but I'm leaning to the more........clumsy side, I'd have felt more comfortable if he hadn't have asked to be honest and left me to my dip. Like other posters have said, if I wasn't comfortable in the first place, I just wouldn't have gone in.

I would also think they were being concerned and decent. I've been asked the same when a man joined me in a lift and asked if I minded him being in there too.

I agree!

How many times have women asked for men to consider our feelings and to be aware that some things may make us uncomfortable.

After the Sarah case and marches men were asking what they can do to help women feel safe and many women said just ask us if what they’re doing is making us feel uncomfortable - he did that and he’s being labelled as a weirdo and a red flag that needs to be reported.
I would hate to be a man they can’t do anything right for some women.