"Do you feel safe??" he asked as I got in the Jaccuzi at the Gym)

[Tothemoonandbackx]

Went to the Gym (popular generic brand) today, felt like a change and decided to get in the Jaccuzi after my work out. Two men in there already, not a thought crossed my mind that I would feel uncomfortable to get in on my own. The eldest man (70's ish maybe) asked me "Do you feel Safe?"........I said "sorry" as I didn't know if I'd heard him right.....he said again....."do you feel safe?"........I asked "shouldn't I"?? And the other bloke (40's ish) says......"we're alright, you don't need to worry about us"........I just continued to sit in the Jaccuzi and get lost in my own thoughts for the day........aibu to think that that was a little weird though right?????

A lot of people do this since covid. It's actually really nice I think.

God, this is so well said. I was just trying to phrase my thoughts when I read this.

I assumed he meant Covid.

This reminds me of when I was in a lift once with 2 men and there was a giant advertising poster on the wall of a woman in a very revealing bikini. I was lost in thought and had not in fact noticed it until one of the men said "I'm definitely not looking at that" and the other one said "no my eyes are firmly on the floor" both with a kind of smirk, glancing at the poster and then me. The whole thing felt like an elaborate performance designed to embarrass, rather than put anyone at ease, because if they intended the latter, why say anything at all?

my lift incident was the year before covid

Bless you. Are you a little dim? Or just looking for a really dull argument?

Sorry but I can't believe posters believe that this was in any way being concerned and decent.

If they were concerned and decent they would have just carried on chatting together or sitting there minding their own business. Afterall there were 2 men there in an open space. This was passive aggressive there was clearly no need to say anything.

Ask yourselves, why do men always have to say something. Why can't they just piss off and let us get on with our day. IMO there has been a shift amongst men, many seem to think 'bloody women, can't say anything to them anymore' as if them saying all this 'smile' bollocks was somehow a right and we loved it.

No we didn't, we just want you to shut up, not stare at our breasts and just leave us alone to get on with our day.

After the Sarah case and marches men were asking what they can do to help women feel safe and many women said just ask us if what they’re doing is making us feel uncomfortable - he did that and he’s being labelled as a weirdo and a red flag that needs to be reported.
I would hate to be a man they can’t do anything right for some women

Maybe you should blame the many men who have been sexual predators for giving men a bad image, rather than cautious women, many of who will be victims of male behaviour.

you can’t answer my question then

I wouldn’t have got in m it if 2 other people were there male or female likewise if I was in there and someone came along and came in I’d be off after a few seconds

To who & for what🤨

I do wonder if he was offering to get out if you didn't feel safe. But I imagine it felt odd to be asked that.

I’d have taken it that he felt they should offer to get out if you’d rather not be in a jacuzzi with two men. Various assaults take place on women and (quite rightly) gain publicity and cause outrage. Perhaps he was just trying to do the right thing?

What a fucking weird thing to say - and of course wouldn’t have been said to another man getting in there. Creeps.

If he was showing concern, it's unlikely his companion (who would know him & his intentions better), would then clarify by saying 'you don't need to worry about us'.

It's annoying when things like this happen & you haven't processed it in the way you would have liked.

I'd go back & find him to tell him his comment was unnecessary, depending on his response may then clarify it was also creepy. I hate that kind of behaviour.

To who & for what exactly

Ok, clearly the former. I’ll explain.
It’s relevant because it’s a possible reason for why he said what he said. In this litigious society, people often preempt even unlikely problems with a defence. Hence, possibly a lawyer and possibly also a twat.

Without being there its hard to know and judge as tone etc is everything
My dh has said though that if walking home late behind a women even if he needs to cross if they cross where he needs to he will walk on as he doesn't want them to thinks he is following them etc and feel uncomfortable

There is a generation of men out there, in their seventies, who have an attitude to females, that I just don't "get" really.

In my experience, when men raise this sort of issue, or make a comment like this, it's exactly because they are thinking “unsafe” thoughts. When men joke “It’s OK love, I’m not going to harass you” it’s precisely because they are thinking about harassing you.

I don’t think you know any lawyers. Your theory makes no sense.

So true Max

I would have taken it the same way OP - and felt uneasy. But in thinking about it, it may have been a clumsy way of saying are you uncomfortable with us here (and would you prefer we leave), maybe. He could have backed down from explaining to avoid you feeling even more uncomfortable.

Could be trying to be helpful, could be a weird passive aggressive dig

Report to the gym management. He was clearly trying to intimidate you.