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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this annoy you and would you tell them not to bother coming?

88 replies

AlternativelyWired · 15/05/2022 10:27

Arrangements made a few days ago for someone to visit today at a certain time. I checked this morning an hour before they were due that they were still coming. They eventually replied to say they'd only just got up and could no longer get a lift and would see what happened. I asked them to let me know within the next hour and they haven't even read the message and the hour has now passed. I'm planning to just get on with my day. WIBU to think they aren't coming and are very rude?They have form for this and I'm very grumpy today and not in the mood for their belief that the world will wait for them.

OP posts:
Giraffesandbottoms · 15/05/2022 10:28

YANBU I HATE when people do this sort of shit

Chamomileteaplease · 15/05/2022 10:29

Awful. I would not only get on with my day, but yes, text to say that you will have to rearrange. But then don't!

Purplecatshopaholic · 15/05/2022 10:30

If it was me I would cancel, say you are now busy or whatever, and get on with your day. They are very rude

missypissy · 15/05/2022 10:30

It’s rude. Stop giving them form, they are taking the piss.

Lolllllllllllll · 15/05/2022 10:32

Sounds extremely irritating. I'd crack on with your day

Chica10 · 15/05/2022 10:33

Just get on with your day! They are so rude! Why do people behave like this? Why even bother make plans with them if they tend to behave like this?

Cherrysoup · 15/05/2022 10:33

Message to say you’ve made other arrangements, see you another time and get on with your day.

Original poster
AlternativelyWired · 15/05/2022 10:34

It's taken me a long time to have boundaries around this kind of thing. I had a friend who was always very late and left me sitting waiting in cafes for an hour then didn't show up. I got sick of it and we are no longer friends. I have always tried to be nice and understanding and now I'm older and peri-menopausal and just think they can sod off but I still feel guilty about it.

OP posts:
coffeecupsandfairylights · 15/05/2022 10:35

YANBU. I wouldn't text them either.

I'd just get on with my day and if they turn up and you're not home, well, that's their problem for being so rude.

SheWoreYellow · 15/05/2022 10:36

I’d want an answer. But that’s just me. What if they don’t see your message and turn up anyway? I’d need to call them and say let’s rearrange.

IncompleteSenten · 15/05/2022 10:36

Go on with your day. Go out.

My brother in law is awful with time keeping. Hours and hours late. Family gatherings would see him and the rest of the family drive past each other. Them going home and him going to the family compound 🤦. I'm not joking. That actually used to happen.

He showed up at my son's birthday party as the guests were leaving.

My husband got so sick of it that he snapped in the end and made us all get in the car and go out for the afternoon when his brother was late yet again.

valerianaofficiana · 15/05/2022 10:38

How very rude of them, are they teens?
I would feel' sympathetic' about their lack of transportation and state that catch-up must be postponed as you will be busy for the rest of the day.

NC10012 · 15/05/2022 10:39

This sort of crap really winds me up. People expecting you to put your life on hold because their time is more valuable than yours!
Get on with your day. If they show up, just say 'oh I didn't know if you were coming. I'm busy now. See you another time'.
It really does my head in this sort of nonsense. And similar to you, I also had a friend who would leave me waiting in cafes for an hour or two at a time - and like a fool I waited. I bloody wouldn't now though.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 15/05/2022 10:39

SheWoreYellow · 15/05/2022 10:36

I’d want an answer. But that’s just me. What if they don’t see your message and turn up anyway? I’d need to call them and say let’s rearrange.

Well, that would be their own problem for being so rude as to not bother getting up on time and turning up when agreed.

Chica10 · 15/05/2022 10:39

AlternativelyWired · 15/05/2022 10:34

It's taken me a long time to have boundaries around this kind of thing. I had a friend who was always very late and left me sitting waiting in cafes for an hour then didn't show up. I got sick of it and we are no longer friends. I have always tried to be nice and understanding and now I'm older and peri-menopausal and just think they can sod off but I still feel guilty about it.

Don’t feel guilty. By behaving this way your “friends” are telling you that your time and effort is worth less than their time. It’s really shit behaviour. Wouldn’t make any more effort with them. You deserve better.

Original poster
AlternativelyWired · 15/05/2022 10:39

@SheWoreYellow they don't answer calls. Ever. Then phone you back with no caller ID knowing I won't answer if it says no caller ID. If they want to phone me and I don't answer, because I'm working or in the shower or some other reason why my phone isn't with me or silenced and they will ring constantly about 10 times in the space of a few minutes and get really annoyed that I'm not answering. Drives me nuts.

OP posts:
Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 15/05/2022 10:40

Just forget about them OP and go out to do some shopping or something.
Life is too short to wait about for idiots like this to get themselves organised.

Pollydonia · 15/05/2022 10:41

I have a friend who used to do this " I might call in " shit. It stops you from making plans. She stopped after I had got on with my day after 3 previous no shows.
Now its firm plans or no plans.

iheartmybeachhut · 15/05/2022 10:41

OP gs don't ever feel guilty, it's their way of saying my time is more important than yours. Cut these people out of your life and you'll feel so much better as a result.

ClaryFairchild · 15/05/2022 10:43

Just go out. If they do end up coming to yours while you're out, just say "oh, we'll you didn't reply and I didn't particularly fancy waiting around all day on the off chance you show up. Another time then."

And do NOT say sorry!!!!!

SpringBadger · 15/05/2022 10:43

This is why I'm against the "are we still on for this morning?" texts. If someone wants to cancel, the onus should be on them to say so. The assumption should be that the plans still stand unless cancelled. No wonder you are so annoyed when you've ended up feeling responsible for herding this person from place to place.

LisaSimpson77 · 15/05/2022 10:44

I hate this too and it says loud and clear that you're not important can be put as low priority.
I'd go out for the day now, you've done your communicating bit.
I'd also be very reluctant to make any new arrangements.

Please tell me this isn't a partner we're talking about?

onemouseplace · 15/05/2022 10:47

People that pull this shit do my head in. Get on with your day and if they do turn up and get annoyed, just point out that you assumed they weren't coming as they hadn't confirmed.

StaunchMomma · 15/05/2022 10:49

I'd send a message saying something like 'It's a lovely day and I have loads to do. Gonna crack on. Have a good day'

Keep it light and breezy but step away from it. I wouldn't be making any plans with them again, either.

Go out and enjoy the sun, OP!

VintageGibbon · 15/05/2022 10:50

AlternativelyWired · 15/05/2022 10:34

It's taken me a long time to have boundaries around this kind of thing. I had a friend who was always very late and left me sitting waiting in cafes for an hour then didn't show up. I got sick of it and we are no longer friends. I have always tried to be nice and understanding and now I'm older and peri-menopausal and just think they can sod off but I still feel guilty about it.

You're not the one who should be feeling guilty.