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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would this annoy you and would you tell them not to bother coming?

88 replies

AlternativelyWired · 15/05/2022 10:27

Arrangements made a few days ago for someone to visit today at a certain time. I checked this morning an hour before they were due that they were still coming. They eventually replied to say they'd only just got up and could no longer get a lift and would see what happened. I asked them to let me know within the next hour and they haven't even read the message and the hour has now passed. I'm planning to just get on with my day. WIBU to think they aren't coming and are very rude?They have form for this and I'm very grumpy today and not in the mood for their belief that the world will wait for them.

OP posts:

KettrickenSmiled · 16/05/2022 12:21

Gingernaut · 15/05/2022 23:22

It would boil my piss no end.

My brother has a habit of giving me two days notice - he might pop up at the weekend.

This means clearing away the laundry and dryers and unfolding and making up a bed.

Only to be told Saturday morning he won't be coming up after all. 😡

Your brother giving notice of a (possible) visit does NOT mean you have to dismantle the spare room @Gingernaut . Stop martyring yourself for an inconsiderate sibling!

Leave your laundry arrangements exactly as suits you.
If your brother bothers showing up - HE can dismantle dryers & make up his bed.
He has hands, doesn't he?

RollOnWinter · 16/05/2022 12:38

They're extremely rude. I wouldn't invite them again. Get on with your day, and try to do something nice for yourself. People like that are arseholes and don't deserve to have friends.

CoralBells · 16/05/2022 12:45

People like that don't deserve to have anyone inviting them over or meeting up with them

LookItsMeAgain · 16/05/2022 13:05

PMSL at the sticking up of fingers to the security camera. I'm delighted that the boxes were collected (so they're no longer an obstruction for you) and that you also didn't stay in either. You would have missed a whole day waiting in for them had you stayed in.

lemongreentea · 16/05/2022 14:36

AlternativelyWired · 15/05/2022 21:08

They turned up at 8pm, collected their stuff, muttered about me being manipulative and stuck their fingers up at the security camera. Give it a week or two and they'll be expecting tea and sympathy about their problems but the answer will be no.

Omg they sound totally unhinged.

Please dont back down when they start your time and energy again.

2020nymph · 16/05/2022 14:40

IncompleteSenten · 15/05/2022 10:36

Go on with your day. Go out.

My brother in law is awful with time keeping. Hours and hours late. Family gatherings would see him and the rest of the family drive past each other. Them going home and him going to the family compound 🤦. I'm not joking. That actually used to happen.

He showed up at my son's birthday party as the guests were leaving.

My husband got so sick of it that he snapped in the end and made us all get in the car and go out for the afternoon when his brother was late yet again.

Sounds like my sister. She has form for being at least an hour late. Although she was very put out to turn up only half an hour late and find we weren't in!

KettrickenSmiled · 16/05/2022 14:41

LookItsMeAgain · 16/05/2022 13:05

I know, right @LookItsMeAgain ?!
I'd need to download the footage onto my phone, so I could laugh at it over & over again. Maybe even accidentally post it somewhere social media-y ...

Original poster

AlternativelyWired · 18/05/2022 11:17

It was pretty funny and pathetic. Then they said I was making them suicidal for rejecting them. I'm done.

OP posts:

KettrickenSmiled · 18/05/2022 11:36

Ha ha. What a palaver - coming all the way to yours at a belated 8pm to collect belongings & flick V's at your camera ... only to top themselves Because NOW Look What You Made Me Do.

Stop engaging OP. But keep laughing ....

Candleabra · 18/05/2022 11:56

Jeez you don’t need friends like that!

Silversprinkles · 18/05/2022 12:10

AlternativelyWired · 18/05/2022 11:17

It was pretty funny and pathetic. Then they said I was making them suicidal for rejecting them. I'm done.

I thought some people saying they were unhinged further up the thread were maybe being a little harsh but after this update - definitely unhinged! 🦇 💩

So you wanting them to stick to an agreed arrangement and not waste your day is "manipulative"? Jeez talk about entitled!!

Pookymalooky · 18/05/2022 12:51

I assume this is a family member because no one would put up with this from a friend or partner

ColdColdColdColdCold · 18/05/2022 13:20

You know, I learned something a while back that honestly didn't occur to me as someone who keeps to plans, likes to make plans in the diary and doesn't like flakiness.

When someone says 'we'll see' it's a soft drop out. They don't have the guts or whatever to come out and say they don't want to do the thing anymore, but they want to convey that it's not happening. So 'let's see what happens' is a brush off. Accept it as such.

As soon as they said they weren't going to make it for the agreed time and didn't attach a 'I'm so sorry, I've done this, I'll be able to make this time is that still okay?' the plan was cancelled and you should just reply with 'oh that's a shame, never mind, have an nice day!' and got on with it. If they do it repeatedly then I'd be excising them from my life.

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