For not wanting my mum’s dog near my baby.

[Ellie42567]

I have a 12 week old baby and my mum has a 2 year old staffy they got when she was 4 months. When my daughter was 3 weeks old, my step dad ‘introduced’ the dog to my baby by picking her up and putting her face into the car seat with the baby in it. My daughter was asleep but the dog snapped at my baby and started barking and pulling. I asked for him to put her out which he eventually did. I have since been over to my mums a few times but I ask her to put the dog in another room. She is always reluctant and wants the dog to ‘say hello’ to the baby, even though she is often excited and jumping up. My mum thinks that putting the dog in another room is unfair. I invite my mum to mine often but she would always prefer we visit at her house. Am I being unreasonable for wanting the dog in another room? Any advice would be much appreciated.

You do what's right for your baby. Too many stories lately of babies being killed by dogs. I don't blame you at all.

People should keep babies and dogs apart imo. Yanbu

I have a small snappy german spitz, he has never met my grandchildren and oldest is over 2.

I know my dog would snap if he got pulled. I don't want to put the grandchildren at risk and equally I would have to put my dog to sleep if he bit them so I don't want to put him at risk either

Adding a well trained ddog to a dc's life isn't an automatic death sentence..
They obviously went about the introduction all wrong but spending the next 10 +years keeping them apart will create a lot of stresses to you op..

I can see why you are nervous, and think you are doing the right thing inviting your mum to yours.
If they continue to want to 'introduce' the dog it would be far better to do this on neutral territory, maybe some walks with baby safely in pram and dog securely on a lead. It does sound like the dog is not used to babies from the reaction & baby's safety must always come first.
YANBU asking for dog to be securely In another room when baby is there, and I say this as a mum of DC and a Staffy!

It's your baby. A baby is not equal to a pet. So I would not bow down to pressure, keep your baby safe.

I would not allow my baby to be anywhere near your mum’s dog. I actually think that your mum is being extremely selfish
She should come to your home since she doesn’t want the dog in another room
Do not allow your mum to babysit your child in her home. Not even for a few minutes

Your baby

I have an extremely laid back dog who is a notoriously 'soft' breed. However, introductions to family babies were lengthy and careful. Had the dog ever shown any sign of being unhappy, wary or nervous around the baby, he would have been removed and kept well away. As it is, he's obviously never left alone with the baby. In your circumstances - and given what's occurred already - I'd also insist on your DM's dog being kept in another room when you visit.

I have the same problem with my Dad and my DD. He has a 7 month old German Sherpherd puppy that clearly thinks my DD is a chew toy from the way he eyes her up. He 'accidently' let's him in the room all the time. So I've stopped going around and they won't be looking after her. I can't take the risk.

I am a dog owner. What your stepdad did was irresponsible and shows a lack of understanding of dogs that would worry me. On that basis alone, you aren't being even remotely unreasonable. Add to that your mum's minimisation of the dog's reaction and you have a recipe for disaster. Careful, vigilant and informed dog owners would be ok, but your mum and step dad are none of those things.

Holy crap I would not want either of my lovely dopey dogs anywhere near a baby - this is madness! YADNBU

My mum thinks that putting the dog in another room is unfair

Tell her it's not very fair on the dog to put it in a situation where it may end up being put to sleep.

YANBU. I find it telling that in the unfortunate numbers of incidents where dogs have attacked a child it seems quite a high proportion are those owned by relatives that are grandparents. People expect a lot of animals that may not have been in a situation with a very young child before and I can imagine it maybe confusing and stressful to the animal and horrendous for the poor child.

I would stop visiting. I have a rottie, it's not a breed thing. It's an irresponsible owner thing. I wouldn't trust them and I wouldn't put my baby or the dog in that dangerous situation.

Also I hate people who think new parents should be the ones driving their young baby about because they can't be arsed to visit. It's a right palaver taking a baby places compared to only adults.

Bloody hell! Do your parents live in a bubble. How many articles have there been recently where babies and young children have been killed or injured by dogs. Absolutely ridiculous behaviour from both of them. And unfair on the dog as they are putting it in a situation it is clearly uncomfortable with.

When my daughter was 3 weeks old, my step dad ‘introduced’ the dog to my baby by picking her up and putting her face into the car seat with the baby in it.

YANBU, and I love dogs. Your stepdad is an absolute idiot. That is an INSANE way to introduce a dog to a baby. What the hell was he thinking?

When we had dogs, we had two who were absolutely brilliant with babies and toddlers; totally unfazed and gentle. We had a visitor to our house whose child behaved appallingly with our little Westie and she was an absolute angel with him - we put her in another room for her sake, not for the child's. And our other terrier at the time would go and sit right next to babies in carriers and attempt to comfort them if they made a noise.

But we also had another Westie who was really bothered by a baby being brought into the house - she'd never been close to one before and she got really agitated and hyper, so we would always make sure she was in a separate room after that. Pretty sure she'd have done what your mum's dog did if someone had just shoved her at a baby.

Thanks everyone, reading your responses is a big relief to me as my mum was making me feel like I’m being being crazy and overprotective! 🙈 I will stand my ground and insist on her being in another room, or my mum can visit at ours.

oh god no keep your child away from the dog.

your mum is extremely selfish .

i have dogs, and children. They mix supervised and never allowed to go near the dogs on their beds/when avoiding kids . they are locked away (dogs not kids)!, when i leave the room. its that simple to keep them apart and ive been doing it years
the risk is always there with dogs, a chihuahau or a great dane. not worth it

The staffy isn't the problem, your thick as fuck SF is, with your mum a close second. I love dogs, staffys are gorgeous, but I wouldn't let ANY dog your Mum & SD. Owned near my baby because THEY they are clueless.

Has your mum had a dog before?

I wouldn't be leaving the baby there alone, at all.

Is the dog distressed in another room?

You are definitely not unreasonable to be cautious. I have 2 , much loved Labradors.
Even if they did not have teeth and strong jaws, I would not want the muzzles that had been sniffing lampposts, poops and other dogs backsides , anywhere near a baby 😱

Oh God, I wouldn't even go to her house. Most staffies are lovely, but that does not sound like a good one, and your mother is barking mad getting a dog up in a baby's face as if they are going to be besties.

Don’t blame the dog. Blame the dog owner. What an irresponsible thing for your step father to do. I’m a dog lover and a dog owner. Stay firm. Your mum comes to you to see your baby.

Definitely not unreasonable. Your priority has to be your baby, all dogs can be unpredictable regardless of temperament and you need to keep your child safe. I know from experience of a similar situation with my own DD that it can be awkward but stick to your guns on this one.

A quarter of a million people end up in A and E every year due to dog bites, OP. Don’t risk your baby joining the queue.