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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For not wanting my mum’s dog near my baby.

105 replies

Ellie42567 · 11/04/2022 12:52

I have a 12 week old baby and my mum has a 2 year old staffy they got when she was 4 months. When my daughter was 3 weeks old, my step dad ‘introduced’ the dog to my baby by picking her up and putting her face into the car seat with the baby in it. My daughter was asleep but the dog snapped at my baby and started barking and pulling. I asked for him to put her out which he eventually did. I have since been over to my mums a few times but I ask her to put the dog in another room. She is always reluctant and wants the dog to ‘say hello’ to the baby, even though she is often excited and jumping up. My mum thinks that putting the dog in another room is unfair. I invite my mum to mine often but she would always prefer we visit at her house. Am I being unreasonable for wanting the dog in another room? Any advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 11/04/2022 14:43

Baby that should be. Please keep your child safe and away from this dog.

TiddleyWink · 11/04/2022 14:44

I wouldn’t set foot in their house with my baby. They’re clearly not responsible dog owners if they think that kind of introduction is appropriate and I wouldn’t trust whatever else they would do. It only takes a split second. If she wants to see your baby she’ll come to yours. Sick of reading about people prioritising dogs over the safety of babies and children Sad

FrancescaContini · 11/04/2022 14:45

WTAF?? Never mind not letting the dog near my baby - the stepfather wouldn’t be coming anywhere near her ever again either.

Easterisoffeggstooexpensive · 11/04/2022 14:49

What a very sad scaremongering thread.. My ds 7 declares 2 of our ddogs his best friends.. They share TV time and stories together.. Dc who share relationships with dpets make for amazing dc...
Sad

WiddlinDiddlin · 11/04/2022 14:51

I would like to point out though that well trained, well socialised, confident, happy, chilled out dogs do not EVER 'just turn'..

Not a thing.

Dogs are living beings though, they can be scared, they can be in physical pain and most commonly.. they can be mishandled and mistreated to the point where they no longer behave predictably.

One of the classic and most dangerous things many people do is punish their dogs for growling - ooh BAD DOG - and typically then carry on doing the thing that triggered the dogs discomfort (grooming, taking away food, grabbing collar to physically move the dog).

This teaches the dog that 'saying stop does not work' and so the dog stops warning people about how he feels... but still FEELS uncomfortable.

In every case I have ever come across of a dog 'just turning'... I have found a dog who was in pain, a dog who had been punished into not communicating, a dog who has been tolerating unpleasant treatment for years and has had enough, giving warning signs that were never heeded... I have never ever come across a healthy, happy, well trained dog who has 'just turned' and nor have any of my colleagues (of which I have hundreds thanks to social media and doggy behaviour conferences!).

EV117 · 11/04/2022 14:53

I love dogs, I have a dog and a toddler and think your step dad and mum are being ridiculous. No offence but they sound like the typical type of people who are not made for having a dog, since they don’t understand that a dog is an animal, not a person or a child. It’s not your dog, it doesn’t live in your house, there is no need for it to build a relationship with your child or for them to get to know each other/used to each other. If it was your dog, picking it up whilst it’s obviously over excited and not familiar with children and putting it right up to your baby’s face would not be the way to do it. Idiots.

EdithStourton · 11/04/2022 14:53

I've had dogs since my DC were little, and before that they were around the PILs' dogs.

The thing is, all of these dogs were alright with babies and children. Any dog that snapped at a baby unprovoked would have been kept completely away from the DC.

YANBU.

OrlandointheWilderness · 11/04/2022 14:54

@Easterisoffeggstooexpensive

What a very sad scaremongering thread.. My ds 7 declares 2 of our ddogs his best friends.. They share TV time and stories together.. Dc who share relationships with dpets make for amazing dc... Sad
Utterly mad. My DD is ten and adores my dogs, I have a 9 yr old springer and a sprocker puppy. They have a brilliant relationship BECAUSE I was incredibly careful with them growing up and never put them in an unsafe situation or left them unattended. Dogs are not toys, they are not people. They are animas and can react in ways children do not understand. Being cautious with a baby is NOT scaremongering! Babies are small, cannot defend themselves and make excitable noises to dogs which can trigger play which turns to attack. No one is saying to remove dogs completely from the child's life. They are simply pointing out that this introduction has been buggered up by clueless, ignorant owners who can't be trusted to safeguard either child or dog.
billy1966 · 11/04/2022 14:59

OP,

Under any circumstances don't leave your child with your mother.

The liklihood is with her level of stupidity she would allow the dog in because she knows better.

That she would try and put a dog ahead of her grandchilds safety is all you need to know.

Unbelievable that you have had to even have such a conversation.

sillysmiles · 11/04/2022 15:01

The problem here isn't really the dog, but more it sounds as though your mum and step dad can't be trusted to know how to safely introduce the dog to your child (or any child) and because of that, it's not really ok to have them in the same room.

It is very possible to have babies and dogs together in the same room when supervised and after being introduced safely, but it sounds like that is not happening here.

Iheartmysmart · 11/04/2022 15:40

It’s not sad and scaremongering at all. My DS and my dog have a great relationship but DS has been taught to respect the dog and read his signals, any hint of the dog being uncomfortable and DS backs off. Shoving a dog into a baby’s face is absolute bloody madness and shows that the OP’s family have no sense and are not to be trusted.

OatmilkandCookies · 11/04/2022 15:52

Yanbu - not because of the dog, but they sound like terrible owners who really don't have a clue how to introduce dogs to babies/children

Barkingmadhouse · 11/04/2022 15:56

YANBU for wanting them to be kept apart but YABU for demanding the dog be locked away when you visit. It's the dogs home - if you don't want it in the same room make sure everytime you see your mum it's away from her house

Herejustforthisone · 11/04/2022 16:07

I am dog mad. I have two and I’d have twenty if I could.

However, my FIL has the exact same attitude about his dog, which I do not want near my own dogs, let alone my child.

His dog has bitten countless people and animals. My dog was a 12 week old (terrier, so tiny) puppy when he was mauled by this dog. Apparently it was my dog’s fault for walking past.

He’s bitten my MIL (needed a tetanus shot and antibiotics), my niece, two nephews (one needed a stitch), he’s bitten my own mum, snapped at me… each and every time it was apparently our fault.

He minimises every one of this dog’s not inconsiderable indiscretions.

I won’t allow him anywhere near my toddler unless he’s muzzled. He’s really pissed off about it but does concede to do it.

Some people are just really blind stupid to the situation.

phoenixrosehere · 11/04/2022 16:07

YABU for demanding the dog be locked away when you visit. It's the dogs home - if you don't want it in the same room make sure everytime you see your mum it's away from her house.

Did you even read OP’s first post or simply skimmed it?

OP literally said:

I have since been over to my mums a few times but I ask her to put the dog in another room. She is always reluctant and wants the dog to ‘say hello’ to the baby, even though she is often excited and jumping up. My mum thinks that putting the dog in another room is unfair. I invite my mum to mine often but she would always prefer we visit at her house.

Her mother prefers OP to visit her vs her visiting her daughter and grandchild instead.

OP’s mother can’t have it both ways where OP has to put her own child at risk because her mother wants her to come over and she wants her dog to meet the baby, not comprehending that an excited dog could be dangerous to her grandchild.

BourbonVanilla · 11/04/2022 16:22

YANBU

There was a case in Ireland last year, where a 5 months old (I think) baby was mauled to death by a dog, at night, when the baby was sleeping. The dog just went upstairs and attacked the baby.
I wouldn't trust a dog.

Nevercloser · 11/04/2022 17:06

I’ve had lots of dogs, all soft non-aggressive breeds ( I know it comes down to the individual dog but you know what I mean) and I would never, ever let them anywhere near a 12 week old baby.

When my children were small my PILs had a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, soft and tiny. He wasn’t in the same room when they were crawling round on the floor and my in-laws completely agreed that that should be the case.

I love Staffies, most IME are affectionate and safe. Would be I take the risk ?
Would I fuck.

Keep your baby safe. X

Penguinevere · 11/04/2022 17:30

Your mum and step dad are stupid. It’s dangerous to let any dog get close to the baby like that, even before it snapped at the baby.

Original poster
Ellie42567 · 11/04/2022 18:12

Thanks everyone. I’ve now been uninvited to Easter lunch because my mum is only willing to shut the dog in another room whilst I’m breastfeeding. If she’s shut in the conservatory whilst there are visitors in the house she’ll get anxious and start barking. So it seems as though I won’t be spending any time there in future, if she wants to see her granddaughter she is welcome at mine any time.

OP posts:
billy1966 · 11/04/2022 18:14

Unbelievable OP.🙄

My sympathies.

Mamabananananana · 11/04/2022 18:16

Oh my god, op thatd be enough for me!!
Did they not see that dad went to prison for not dealing with his dog and it killed the wee baby. Tragic.

Mamabananananana · 11/04/2022 18:18

@Ellie42567
Also, my own charming family pulled a similar stunt last week when i travelled hours to visit them with the baby. I just left. And no intention of returning...

Chely · 11/04/2022 18:24

We have a dog as do both sets of GP's.

YANBU at all, your mum is being daft and should shut the dog out if it makes you feel more comfortable. The dog is not a child.

Bettysnow · 11/04/2022 18:26

I have an enormous, beautiful, docile german shepherd who is genuinely the most gentle dog ive ever had. However i have never left him alone with my small grandchildren and make sure hes in another room when they visit. An animal can turn very quickly despite never having displayed any previous signs of aggression before.
Much as i don't think my dog would attack i can't be certain so would rather be safe than sorry and keep them apart.

GrandRapids · 11/04/2022 18:31

It snapped in your baby's face? Not a chance in hell it would be anywhere near the baby again. Your mum is a moron.

Oh and I have 4 dogs...