For not wanting my mum’s dog near my baby.

[Ellie42567]

I have a 12 week old baby and my mum has a 2 year old staffy they got when she was 4 months. When my daughter was 3 weeks old, my step dad ‘introduced’ the dog to my baby by picking her up and putting her face into the car seat with the baby in it. My daughter was asleep but the dog snapped at my baby and started barking and pulling. I asked for him to put her out which he eventually did. I have since been over to my mums a few times but I ask her to put the dog in another room. She is always reluctant and wants the dog to ‘say hello’ to the baby, even though she is often excited and jumping up. My mum thinks that putting the dog in another room is unfair. I invite my mum to mine often but she would always prefer we visit at her house. Am I being unreasonable for wanting the dog in another room? Any advice would be much appreciated.

You are not being unreasonable about wanting the dog in another room when you visit, but I suggest that under the circumstances you have described here, that you are being unreasonable to visit your Mum's house at all while your baby is so young as they obviously have complete faith in their dog, and don't believe it would attack your baby. Do they not ever listen to, or read the news? I am a dog:

We have three dogs and while the kids were young (up until 7) we kept them completely separate accept when we were out walking etc.

Friends come over with their children and some don’t like dogs so ours go into their room (utility).

Your mum is treating the dog as though it’s equal to your child. It is not, and this is why we see so many badly behaved animals.

• except

I voted YABU but only because your mum and step dad seem to have no idea how serious this could be if it all goes wrong so I would make sure all visits were either at my house with no dog or somewhere away from the house. I love dogs but this has disaster written all over it.

Sorry, my finger pressed post to early! I am a "dog" person, but you can never have complete confidence that any dog will not bite etc. and I don't think you could even leave your baby in their care for a few minutes while you went to the loo or something when in their house.. Please trust your feelings on this. They are behaving very foolishly and dangerously.

I adore dogs and I have a real soft spot for a staffy but YANBU! Your stepfather was an idiot doing what he did and you now know there is a risk to your baby from the dog. It would only take a second for something terrible to happen. Stand your ground!

Your mum wants to risk your baby being attacked or killed, the dog put to sleep and a prison sentence herself?

No way would I visit even if that meant going NC.

Does your mother read newspapers or watch the news on tv? Is she aware that a 2 year old died recently following a dog attack? Or that a man has been sentenced to 4 years in prison following the death of his newborn son who was attacked by his dog?

@Ellie42567

I have a 12 week old baby and my mum has a 2 year old staffy they got when she was 4 months. When my daughter was 3 weeks old, my step dad ‘introduced’ the dog to my baby by picking her up and putting her face into the car seat with the baby in it. My daughter was asleep but the dog snapped at my baby and started barking and pulling. I asked for him to put her out which he eventually did. I have since been over to my mums a few times but I ask her to put the dog in another room. She is always reluctant and wants the dog to ‘say hello’ to the baby, even though she is often excited and jumping up. My mum thinks that putting the dog in another room is unfair. I invite my mum to mine often but she would always prefer we visit at her house. Am I being unreasonable for wanting the dog in another room? Any advice would be much appreciated.

Your mum and stepdad are a pair of fucking idiots! I love staffies, I used to have one. They don't sound to me to be fit to own a dog, I suspect it has not been best trained.

NEVER visit them. It's too risky. Tough shit if she would prefer you to visit her, if she wants to see her granddaughter she can get off her arse and visit you - without the dog. You are the baby's mother, you 'outrank' the baby's grandmother, so what you say, goes. If you have to be your baby's gatekeeper to keep her safe, so be it. Tell your mother that her dog isn't getting near your daughter and don't succumb to the inevitable guilt-tripping that she'll try on you.

@TooMuchPaper

Does your mother read newspapers or watch the news on tv? Is she aware that a 2 year old died recently following a dog attack? Or that a man has been sentenced to 4 years in prison following the death of his newborn son who was attacked by his dog?

Exactly.

It's hard to believe this still goes but some people are thick as shit.

amp.theguardian.com/uk-news/2022/mar/21/baby-killed-after-being-attacked-by-a-dog-at-her-home-in-st-helens

This was inky last month.

Honestly 😡

I would be blunt with her and tell her she’s putting the dog above the baby.

I have a dog that’s known for being a good family dog but still wouldn’t trust him with a baby.

There are NO dogs that are 100% safe around a baby. Zero. You’re doing the right thing.

Yes many people have babies around dogs and are fine - those people are lucky. It isn’t worth risking your baby’s face / life to pacify your parents.

Stand your ground.

@eyeslikebutterflies

I am a dog owner. What your stepdad did was irresponsible and shows a lack of understanding of dogs that would worry me. On that basis alone, you aren't being even remotely unreasonable. Add to that your mum's minimisation of the dog's reaction and you have a recipe for disaster. Careful, vigilant and informed dog owners would be ok, but your mum and step dad are none of those things.

I completely agree with this. I wouldn’t have that dog around my baby based on how bloody clueless your stepdad, and your mum, sound. Your description of your stepdad putting the dog practically in the car seat with your baby made me cringe. And I say this as I cuddle both my five month old son and my dog on the sofa.

You are 100% right. You never, ever, ever leave a dog ( any dog) with a baby. I don’t know if it’s the baby’s smell, or cry, or a combination of things but it awakes some deep seated instinct in a dog.
A well socialised, trained, well treated dog will learn from its owner to accept the child and show respect. This is pack behaviour to a dog —- the pack leader is in charge and teaches the dog to respect the new pack member ( the baby) You don’t do this by shoving a dog at a baby in a car seat!!!
I’ve had dogs all my life, well trained well socialised dogs but I’d never have left one unsupervised with either my own babies or my grandchildren as babies.
Your baby, your rules.

Your mum is an idiot.
She would only see the baby at my house without the dog.

I wouldnt trust her to keep the dog separate as she doesnt see the issue and already shown she wont respect boundaries

YANBU, I have a 6 month old nephew and I have a very bouncy 3 year old Lab. She’s not been raised with kids (DD was 16 when we got her) and while not snappy, she’s fast and prone super excited zoomies. I just don’t want to chance the baby getting hurt.

So when the baby is here she’s in her crate, another room or the garden. I would never forgive myself if she accidentally hurt him. Better to be safe than sorry. You stick to your guns on this one.

No. A placid old rough collie or Goldie? Maybe.

The recent dog stories have been so heart breaking. But it's really ironic my sisters who were young at the time used to be all over our dog a Staffin too and looking back our dog was the friendliest ever it never snapped.
My sisters were older and grew with the Staffie.

However there's no way I would of risked it with a baby. You do right OP. Your mum and anyone else should have the courtesy to put the dog in another room before you even arrive at their house.

They obviously went about the introduction all wrong but spending the next 10 +years keeping them apart will create a lot of stresses to you op

Not necessarily. My parents had a horrible yappy growly little dog which they got after I left home so it didn't really know me. They refused to put it in another room as, when I visited the first few times, it made the dog yap even more.

I never set foot in their house for the 4 years they had it. My children never clapped eyes on it. They saw other dogs out and about obviously, and were never particularly scared of them. That's different to allowing your children into a domestic situation with a dog you don't trust.

Dog trainer/behaviour consultant here..

Your parents are being very stupid, and they don't appear to understand the first thing about introducing babies/children and dogs, nor do they seem to understand dog behaviour.

So for those reasons alone I would not entertain them having the opportunity to introduce your baby to their dog.

Yes, it is unfair to simply shut a dog away when there are visitors and the dog is not used to being shut away - so it is their responsibility to ensure their dog CAN handle this and is used to it, by... training their dog.

When 'introducing' dogs to babies/very young children... actually what should be done is not 'introducing' at all - owners/parents should work hard on rewarding the dog for looking and NOT approaching, for moving AWAY from the child, and for ignoring the child and seeking out an adult.

Teaching dogs to approach children (and vice versa) is at best silly and at worst really dangerous, we do not want dogs thinking 'yes I should definitely ram my nose in this childs face/climb on them/they are a source of treats/they taste delicious due to all the stickiness'...

The ideal goal for a dog around little kids is to think 'I should go away over here and ignore that, I should listen to the adult people, it is rewarding to avoid that baby and nice things happen when I do'.

Unfortunately SO many people want to shove the dog in the babies face, teach the dog to approach the baby or teach the child to toddle up to the dog or crawl up to it, teach the child to pet (ie, hit, slap and grab) the dog... in many cases people actually PUNISH the dog for trying to move away from the baby or trying to communicate their discomfort by freezing/lip curling/etc. All of this stupidity adds up to bite incidents!

I’m sure the OP’s family are aware of recent news about dog deaths with children but like a lot of things people have the attitude that it won’t happen to them.

Your stepfather is unbelievably stupid. I don't quite understand how you weren't able to prevent him from bringing the dog up close to your baby during that car seat incident? If it's due to fear of rocking the boat or politeness, then you need to nip that in the bud, and be prepared to read the riot act to anyone who attempts to do something similarly dangerous with your DC.

I have friends with a more stereotypically family friendly breed of dog, and even they had the common sense to keep their dog away, in separate room with the door shut, when we came to visit with our young baby. Any dog has the potential to be unpredictable around babies and small children.

There was another thread where someone posted the breeds that were involved in fatal dog attacks on children in the last decade, and Staffies were one of the breeds involved in attacks. Maybe try and find that info, and send it to your mum and stepfather the next time they bring up the nonsense of this dog saying "hello" to your baby.

In your shoes, I wouldn't be going to their house in future, as I wouldn't feel like I could trust them to keep the dog away.

The dog shouldn't even be in the same house as the dog. Far too risky. This is a very dangerous breed of dog with form for attacking people.

@Easterisoffeggstooexpensive

Adding a well trained ddog to a dc's life isn't an automatic death sentence.. They obviously went about the introduction all wrong but spending the next 10 +years keeping them apart will create a lot of stresses to you op..

It doesn't matter how well trained a dog is, it can still turn. Having the stress of keeping them apart is 100x better than a injured or potentially dead child.

You’re not being unreasonable. Dogs and babies obviously need to be supervised carefully but can be introduced so that they can - for example - be in the same room. But this isn’t done in the way your stepdad did it.

I have a dog and she’s been introduced to babies carefully, under supervision and I’ve kept her on the lead/her harness on when she’s been in the room with the baby.

All has been fine and now she loves babies because they get to a certain age and are a good source of crumbs as they’re very messy eaters Babies like to look at her and are entertained by her so it’s all fine.

Still kept under close supervision and control and we’re all very careful but my point is all this took some planning and time.