For not wanting my mum’s dog near my baby.

[Ellie42567]

I have a 12 week old baby and my mum has a 2 year old staffy they got when she was 4 months. When my daughter was 3 weeks old, my step dad ‘introduced’ the dog to my baby by picking her up and putting her face into the car seat with the baby in it. My daughter was asleep but the dog snapped at my baby and started barking and pulling. I asked for him to put her out which he eventually did. I have since been over to my mums a few times but I ask her to put the dog in another room. She is always reluctant and wants the dog to ‘say hello’ to the baby, even though she is often excited and jumping up. My mum thinks that putting the dog in another room is unfair. I invite my mum to mine often but she would always prefer we visit at her house. Am I being unreasonable for wanting the dog in another room? Any advice would be much appreciated.

I used to keep great danes, so i'm no dog hater.

But your mother must be crackers to effectively put the dog above time spent with her GC!

Stick to your guns. Tell her she's welcome to yours but you wont be going there.

Your mother is out of line

My sister in law was holding my tiny, squeaky prem baby just after he came home

Her dog (a big soft labradoodle) was obviously jealous and jumped up, snapping

I went to take ds back immediately and she said "no, the puppy needs to learn"

I suggested she have another bloody baby to teach it with and left!

I have dogs, 3 of them that I love with all my heart. But if a friend came around with a young baby & was weary of my dogs, I'd lock them out of the living room for peace of mind. With the children Vs dog attacks we've had recently, I'm surprised more people aren't cautious 🐾

YANBU
I am a massive dog lover and owner but am shocked by your Mum! The dog has already shown signs of aggression towards your baby so why would anyone want to take that risk again?!

YANBU at all! My DM is moving in with her partner and his Alsatian/Rottweiler cross - who has bitten 2 men in the last few years, leaving them needing stitches. My DDs are teenagers, but I have still told my DM there is no way I'll be allowing them to be in the house without the dog shut away - but like your own DM, she can't seem to see the issue!

Just let your Mum visit you from now on. This is ridiculous! If you arnt happy about your baby being around their dog then they should respect your wishes! I've got 2 dogs. 1 is a Staffie. I wouldn't ever want her around a young baby even though she is a dopey cuddlebug!

You are asking why?maybe you can answer that when the dog has ripped your dc to pieces
Fgs keep them well apart

You absolutely should put your child first and keep your boundaries. But you can’t make your mother agree to putting dog in another room in her house. She may adjust her position in time but until then I would encourage visits at your house where you can control the environment. I echo others saying the dog shouldn’t be left unattended with the child and if there is any unpredictability then ideally they would be out of the house for the duration of any visit (dog Walker or daycare). It can be very stressful for dogs having others in their space especially children and people (IMO) are very bad at recognising stress in dogs (e.g sometimes what looks like excitement is anxiety).

I have a friendly dog, gentle with his mouth, loves kids. A breed not known for attacking. No way would I put his head anywhere near a baby!! Absolutely not. The risks are too great. Dogs and babies do not go.

One that snapped at a baby...TBH I wouldn't have the baby and the dog in the same house, let alone dog in a different room. Especially when it seems the owners are irresponsible (sorry!)

I did exactly the same OP. I didn't go into my parents house for 4 years while they had a barky growly dog. They wouldn't shut it away. It ran out of the house one day when the door was open and they never saw it again. I feel very sorry for the poor dog obviously

My PIL have two dogs who are untrained and destructive (you can't leave anything laying around the house or they will destroy it--even the TV remote). The dogs have been aggressive to adults and other children before and yet PIL don't see an issue. We visited once with our new baby with the agreement that the dogs would be put in another room and within ten minutes, PIL had let the dogs out to "meet the baby" and within seconds the dogs were jumping up near our newborns face. We took the baby and left and have not gone back to visit.

PIL continuously ask for us to visit, but refuse to put dogs away and therefore we won't visit. We do end up looking like the bad guys when we refuse to visit for holidays, etc and MIL likes to complain about my stance on this (despite her son, my DH, having the same opinion on the dogs and telling her so). It should be noted, we invite PIL over all the time, tell them to come whenever they want and they are always invited to spend the holidays with us. I want our children to have a good relationship with each side of the family but we will never jeopardise their safety to make others happy.

OP, you should hold your ground on this and insist that your mother come to you. It is up to you to protect your children and set the boundaries that others need to follow when it comes to your children.

Life long dog owner here... You are being negligent to bring your child to your idiot mother's house.

You are not over reacting, I wouldn't be comfortable with this either. And I love dogs. A responsible owner would ensure the dog was apart from the baby unless it was guaranteed to be calm around it. Even then, best to be safe.
We have a young German shepherd. She is lovely, the sweetest thing, but absolutely loves kids and is too bouncy around them, she tries to jump up on them to play. Our son knows how to handle this and because she is so used to him and he ignores her she isn't that bothered about jumping on him, but if he ever has friends over we keep her either in a separate room or with me or my husband on her lead so she can't jump on them. I very much doubt she would ever hurt them intentionally but it wouldn't be difficult for her to knock them over and hurt them by being so boisterous and a big dog. Hopefully she will calm down as she ages- god I hope so! But there is no excuse when you have a dog for making others uncomfortable or putting a child at risk. Your mum needs to remember that not everyone will love her dog like she does and that when it comes to babies and young children it's not worth the risk.

I never understand why anyone would want a dog like this anywhere near babies or children, they aren't safe, just don't risk it. If they don't want to remove the dog from the room when you are round just stop visiting their house, invite them to yours. I'm sure you'd rather they were annoyed, than you potentially put your baby at risk.

Jeez, I wouldn't even let our dog in the room without me to supervise when ds's friends were over aged 8. Our ddog is the most placid, bombproof labrador you'll ever meet. Dogs and kids don't mix.

Your baby was "introduced" to the dog as if she was a toy. I would never let them in the same room unless I was always holding the baby and the dog was calm and would settle away from me.

YANBU but IME people like this have no awareness (thick as mince).

My mum and sister used to do the same with their dogs when DD was a baby. My mum had an Alsatian who used to bark ferociously if anyone went to the door and DD was terrified of it. She used to put her up in front of the dog and let it lick her face and laugh when I’d get annoyed saying needed to get used to dogs. She was terrified of them until well into her teens! Sister would always tell her dog to say hello (a collie) wagging its tail over her face while in her car seat. She’d be covered in dog hair. Looking back I wish I’d refused to visit but I struggled to assert myself for reasons that I didn’t fully comprehend until I was much older.

Your mum obviously has no respect for you to not abide by your perfectly reasonable request and if she can’t understand the risk, I wouldn’t trust her around my baby at all.

Never, ever, ever allow a dog (any breed) and a child under about 10 to be alone together. It just isn’t worth it. Obviously you slowly faze in and allow more contact the older the child etc but any dog can turn. Small kids, particularly babies have no hope in a dog attack. This dog has already shown it’s unhappy with the baby, why push it???

I own three dogs and have had dogs my entire life, we’ve fostered in excess of 100 dogs specialising in ex puppy farm bitches and ‘difficult’ dogs….My kids grew up from newborns with Rotties and gsd’s but no, never, ever alone

YANBU and going by your step dads bizarre behaviour, you can't trust either of them to have your child unsupervised.

@Deadringer

People should keep babies and dogs apart imo. Yanbu

100% This ^

Our dog was such a sweetheart, but he was NEVER alone with our children when they were babies, toddlers etc. Not worth the risk.

I had this same battle with my Inlaws and to a lesser extent my own mum.

My Mum breeds and owns about 12 dogs, all little dogs but still a pack. Visiting when they are inside when we have the kids is a no no for us, my Mum doesn't like it and I don't care.

My PIL had an older, undesexed male dog who had a very dominant personality, he nipped my nephew on the bum (snuck round behind him and snapped at him) while he was visiting and displayed certain behaviours when our daughter was first born that made me trust him even less than I already did (perked his ears up as if he was looking for a rabbit to chase and kill when she cried etc - as a farm dog it was an activity he enjoyed). My PIL refused to keep him seperate so we just didn't visit.

The day he died was a blessing for us. They have recently got a puppy and we have been really thorough in socialising her with the kids, even bringing her back to our house for a few days at a time so she can be essentially partly raised with the kids and I can trust her with them.

I grew up training dogs and am pretty good at reading body language, I do not in anyway think that a puppy (or any animal) should ever be shoved in the face of a baby BUT I do wonder if the 'snapping' you describe was actually an over excited puppy as it would be very unusual for such a young puppy to be nasty to a person of any age unless there is a history of abuse.

The best way to teach the dog to interact well with your child is to start controlled socialisation right away, such as the pup on a lead when you visit as well as some time apart (crate, outside, other room etc), the worst thing you can do is to actually fully exclude the pup and it will never learn how to behave around you all.

Sorry, I somehow misread your post, I thought the puppy was got when it was 4 months old and your baby was 3 months old.

Please disregard the advice about 'socialising the puppy', the dog at 2 years old, needs some serious training before it should be introduced in a calm, controlled manner to baby. At 2 years old and snapping at baby, there is a real potential for this dog to do damage or worse.

Stick to your guns and I would never leave your baby/child with your Mum unsupervised when the dog is there if she isn't willing to protect your baby by keeping the dog away.

@Ellie42567

Thanks everyone. I’ve now been uninvited to Easter lunch because my mum is only willing to shut the dog in another room whilst I’m breastfeeding. If she’s shut in the conservatory whilst there are visitors in the house she’ll get anxious and start barking. So it seems as though I won’t be spending any time there in future, if she wants to see her granddaughter she is welcome at mine any time.

I got sworn at because I wouldn't go to xmas as my mum wouldn't agree to having the dogs outside so while it sucks, you are not alone and you are doing the right thing for your baby.

As your parents clearly don’t understand the danger, I think it’s best for all including the dog if all visits are dog free and at your house.

The biggest danger to your DD is your step-dad. Do not let him have unsupervised access to her. He has made it absolutely clear that her safety is not a priority.

Babies don't need to get to know dogs but it depends on you long term plans. If your planning on taking your dd there when she is older then it would be helpful for the dog to get use to her and not see her as a negative. This could be done through walks, being in same room but not too close so on a lead unless recall is solid. Your stepdad sounds like an arse tho.