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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Customer made B**w Job action

83 replies

Tothemoonandbackx · 10/03/2022 11:05

OK, I definitely know AINBU to feel really grossed out and uncomfortable by this, but a customer (fairly regular in my job) has just asked me in general chit chat if everything's still going well with my OH?? I said yeah, it's going great, smiled and then to my absolute horror!!! He did the blow job gesture (pretending to hold a cock to his mouth...you know the one) and asked if I was doing that!!!!!!! I know...I know... I should have come back with a million replies, can obviously think of them now he's pissed off, but it just stunned me at the time and I didn't answer!!!! What the actual Hell!!! Do people really think that's an appropriate thing to.....in public no less!!!! What would have done in this situation???? And if it happens again....I'd like some really good come backs. Not that it makes a difference I don't think, to the whole gross situation, but this guy is in his 70's and I'm in my 30's.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tothemoonandbackx · 10/03/2022 11:06

Sorry for typos, trying to write quickly while I'm on my break.

OP posts:
romdowa · 10/03/2022 11:07

God I'd be reporting that to my manager. How vile

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 10/03/2022 11:09

I worked in a very large, national chain shop when I was uni. Customers who did this sort of thing were banned and the security guard was brilliant at remembering and kicking them out when they tried to come in.

I'd expect no less.

MedusasBadHairDay · 10/03/2022 11:10

Urgh, men are gross. When I was in my early 20s a regular customer (man in his 50s) noticed I had a small cat tattoo, so would repeatedly ask if he could "stroke [my] pussy". He clearly thought he was being clever.

Sapphire387 · 10/03/2022 11:12

What kind of work do you do? I would report to your manager and for them to be banned. Totally inappropriate.

Duchessfloofy · 10/03/2022 11:12

Dirty auld b*stard. Please report this to your manager. That is very grim.

Sapphire387 · 10/03/2022 11:12

*ask for

NewBrownMouse · 10/03/2022 11:13

I'd ask for him to be banned from your workplace, its likely he gets kicks from asking women inappropriate sexual questions and it's best dealt with quickly so this doesnt become a regular thing.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 10/03/2022 11:13

Imagine how utterly tragic it must be to have a lump of flesh hanging between your legs dictating your actions and behaviours. Like a dog on heat. Sad and repulsive.

Original poster
Tothemoonandbackx · 10/03/2022 11:13

@romdowa I get the feeling like it wouldn't be taken seriously, as he is a very good customer to the business 😒😒 I will definitely mention it though, I don't want to have to put up with this kind of shit Angry

OP posts:
Original poster
Tothemoonandbackx · 10/03/2022 11:14

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish I wish we had that kind of back up here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tothemoonandbackx · 10/03/2022 11:16

@MedusasBadHairDay that is utterly disgusting 🤮 it's like they get some sort of kick out of making women feel uncomfortable.

OP posts:
jytdtysrht · 10/03/2022 11:18

Filthy.

Can anyone else deal with this perv instead of you?

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 10/03/2022 11:19

I'd say "excuse me" and walk away, straight to my manager. You don't need a clever retort. Just to make it clear that you're not accepting it and if the business wants to that's fine but you won't be.

MedusasBadHairDay · 10/03/2022 11:24

[quote Tothemoonandbackx]@MedusasBadHairDay that is utterly disgusting 🤮 it's like they get some sort of kick out of making women feel uncomfortable.[/quote]
Yep. It always seems to be older men deliberately targeting young women.

When I used to work for woolworths there was a man who would go round each of the teenage girls who worked there and ask them where the adult videos were kept. We had to get security involved.

JanetPluchinsky · 10/03/2022 11:27

Are you in retail or hospitality?

Are you quite new to it?

You’re going to need a thicker skin. I would shut that shit down without flinching but I’ve had 25 years of this nonsense.

Try not to give it another thought, he’s a disgusting pig.

DameHelena · 10/03/2022 11:29

You’re going to need a thicker skin. I would shut that shit down without flinching but I’ve had 25 years of this nonsense.
Well good for you.
What she actually needs is a) men not to behave like that and b) as long as they continue to do so, her management to prioritise staff and not ignore it because they're good customers.

OP, report it factually to your manager and make clear that if it happens again you will stop engaging with the customer in question.

Travelswithchildren · 10/03/2022 11:32

@JanetPluchinsky

Are you in retail or hospitality?

Are you quite new to it?

You’re going to need a thicker skin. I would shut that shit down without flinching but I’ve had 25 years of this nonsense.

Try not to give it another thought, he’s a disgusting pig.

25 years of thick skin/ignoring it just leaves the same dirty old men to carry on doing what they do though, doesn't it?
MedusasBadHairDay · 10/03/2022 11:32

You’re going to need a thicker skin. I would shut that shit down without flinching but I’ve had 25 years of this nonsense.

No, men need to stop being gross. And unfortunately it's not always easy to shut them down, especially if there is a power imbalance or you don't know management will back you up.

partystress · 10/03/2022 11:42

That is really grim and horrible to be on the receiving end of. My first thought if it’s out of the blue and given his age is dementia. Could this be a loss of inhibition/ inappropriate sexual behaviour due to cognitive impairment?

I am absolutely not wanting to make this or him your problem OP, but if he has any family who come in, could you say something without going into details?

newbiename · 10/03/2022 11:43

@JanetPluchinsky

Are you in retail or hospitality?

Are you quite new to it?

You’re going to need a thicker skin. I would shut that shit down without flinching but I’ve had 25 years of this nonsense.

Try not to give it another thought, he’s a disgusting pig.

So would I , but why should we ? OP might not feel comfortable doing that.
tkwal · 10/03/2022 12:00

I would ask how he would feel if someone spoke to his grand daughter like that. And yes I have been in similar situations. Its not just a passing comment, it's designed to bring you down, misogynistic and never acceptable

Brefugee · 10/03/2022 12:04

You’re going to need a thicker skin. I would shut that shit down without flinching but I’ve had 25 years of this nonsense.

that attitude is why i had to put up with that shit ** when i was an 18 year old barmaid, and why they still have to put up with it now because nothing has changed. So fuck that shit.

OP, tell you manager. And then take your next steps based on their reply.

**except i didn't. Because the landlord of the pub i worked at didn't put up with that kind of attitude towards his staff. A bit of mild flirty talk was ok, unless we told him or his wife we didn't like it, and then he'd have a word with the customer. And if they didn't change (and it was only mild stuff) he'd step in to serve them. But anything like OP described? out on their ear and barred. And i loved working for him for that.

LakieLady · 10/03/2022 12:05

@JanetPluchinsky

Are you in retail or hospitality?

Are you quite new to it?

You’re going to need a thicker skin. I would shut that shit down without flinching but I’ve had 25 years of this nonsense.

Try not to give it another thought, he’s a disgusting pig.

No-one should have to "shut that shit down". It won't stop him, or others like him.

I'd report, and if they didn't ban him, or at least warn him, I'd refuse to serve him in future.

And I'd start looking for another job, because any workplace that permits staff to endure sexual harrassment from customers doesn't deserve to have good staff.

Bluelillies · 10/03/2022 12:07

I was forced to take a racial slur at work the other day (from a black man-I’m white)
I reported it and mid way through my story,the manager just walked off
I’m bloody good at my job-but I’m handing in my notice (we are very short staffed-wonder why?)
Sod em-I’m not taking this crap-I’d look into doing the same