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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Customer made B**w Job action

83 replies

Tothemoonandbackx · 10/03/2022 11:05

OK, I definitely know AINBU to feel really grossed out and uncomfortable by this, but a customer (fairly regular in my job) has just asked me in general chit chat if everything's still going well with my OH?? I said yeah, it's going great, smiled and then to my absolute horror!!! He did the blow job gesture (pretending to hold a cock to his mouth...you know the one) and asked if I was doing that!!!!!!! I know...I know... I should have come back with a million replies, can obviously think of them now he's pissed off, but it just stunned me at the time and I didn't answer!!!! What the actual Hell!!! Do people really think that's an appropriate thing to.....in public no less!!!! What would have done in this situation???? And if it happens again....I'd like some really good come backs. Not that it makes a difference I don't think, to the whole gross situation, but this guy is in his 70's and I'm in my 30's.

OP posts:
incognitoforthisone · 10/03/2022 12:07

Has he been creepy/gross/inappropriate before, or was this the first time? If it was totally out of the blue, it does seem quite similar to the behaviour of someone in the early stages of dementia (I've worked in a care home and I've had men who have been absolute gentlemen their entire lives say things like this to me in front of their own children).

Equally, though, he could just be a gross old pervert. I think I would at least discuss it with my boss if I were you, so other staff can be aware and alert to his behaviour, even if they won't ban him as a customer.

JanetPluchinsky · 10/03/2022 12:10

I wasn’t saying to put up with it!

He would be barred from any establishment I manage. And men need to stop doing this.

But realistically if you work with the public you WILL encounter this and it’s much better to be able to mentally shrug it off otherwise you go a bit mad inside.

JanetPluchinsky · 10/03/2022 12:12

I’ve recently barred (and put on Pubwatch) a guy who made lewd comments to me, and to one of my staff. So I have a zero tolerance policy.

But the reality of this kind of work is that men are gross (and women are often rude).

Ionlydomassiveones · 10/03/2022 12:20

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

deragod · 10/03/2022 12:24

@Ohsugarhoneyicetea

Imagine how utterly tragic it must be to have a lump of flesh hanging between your legs dictating your actions and behaviours. Like a dog on heat. Sad and repulsive.
No need to be so mean about dogs! Everything goes but comparison with men....ugh too much.
donquixotedelamancha · 10/03/2022 12:30

I will definitely mention it though, I don't want to have to put up with this kind of shit

I would do more than mention it, I'd put it in writing following whatever your harassment policy is. There is absolutely no fucking way I'd want less than this bloke being permanently banned.

I don't think OP needs a thicker skin. I think she should continue to smile and be friendly to everyone and expect that creepy fucks will be dealt with appropriately.

it's like they get some sort of kick out of making women feel uncomfortable.

I can't see any other reason someone would do that. The only thing that alters this crap is if we stop taking it.

SolasAnla · 10/03/2022 12:32

Its difficult to deal with the first time something like that happens

Be kind, dont make a scene, dont embarrass the person by reacting, he's normally such a nice person etc. etc.

Sometimes your reaction is based your unspoken understanding of the culture of your job so how you manager deals with this will be important.

You inform your manager of what happened and inform your manager that you refuse to deal with him again or to be subjected to sexual harrasssment in your work place by a customer.
And that if management choose to keep him as a customer but if he approaches you again you are going to direct him to manager and walk away. Its up to the manager to explain that the customer is barred from aproaching you.

If the manager cant even support that resolution look for a better job.

If a situation like that happens again dont feel the need to engage with the customer.
You can just say dont treat me that way and walk away.
Or if in the moment you dont feel comfortable confronting the behavour turn and walk away.

limitedperiodonly · 10/03/2022 12:41

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

I'd say "excuse me" and walk away, straight to my manager. You don't need a clever retort. Just to make it clear that you're not accepting it and if the business wants to that's fine but you won't be.
^ This
HangOnToYourself · 10/03/2022 12:44

I'd be reporting it to my manager and if they didnt take it seriously to HR

2Gen · 10/03/2022 12:44

Dirty old bastard! I'd report him to your manager too. That's not on at all! Uuuugh!

Landedonfeet · 10/03/2022 12:48

I would point blank to refuse him again

WallaceinAnderland · 10/03/2022 13:00

Would there be CCTV?

irishfarmer · 10/03/2022 13:02

What a disgusting thing to do!!

@Brefugee You are right, older women not standing up means young ones have to learn to deal with it. I'm glad your bar stood up for you. I will never forget being 18 working in a pub, I sneezed, I've always without thinking slightly crossed my legs when I do, so I did that. An old man (maybe 60) said " come here love" i did "closer, closer" he then whispered in my ear "tell me, did you get yourself nice and wet there Angry"

I was so shocked I didn't reply, his WIFE though sitting next to him said, don't mind him, haha ha all innocent. I was be so angry with my DH if he said something like that - I also wouldn't have a DH like that.

Not sure what my manager would have done I never told him. 30s now and I've never forgotten.

SarahBellam · 10/03/2022 13:03

You inform your manager. You organisation is required so provide a safe working environment and that includes not being subjected to sexual harassment. Tell them the situation and what you want to happen, and let them take it from there.

Servalan · 10/03/2022 13:08

If he’s a regular customer, does this behaviour seem out of the blue / out of character? My first thought was possible dementia too, as sometimes the part of the Brain governing judgement and inhibition can be affected (doesn’t present as a sign in all cases of dementia, but it is something I’ve come across a few times with people I’ve known.

Of course it could also just be an unpleasant, creepy man trying to make you feel vulnerable.

Either way, it’s upsetting and unpleasant to deal with and I agree with others that a discussion with management is needed.

PhotosAndFrames · 10/03/2022 13:10

[quote Tothemoonandbackx]@romdowa I get the feeling like it wouldn't be taken seriously, as he is a very good customer to the business 😒😒 I will definitely mention it though, I don't want to have to put up with this kind of shit Angry[/quote]
Don't just mention it. Put it in an email.

MangyInseam · 10/03/2022 13:16

What a wanker.

I'd report it to management as well. Don't assume they won't back you up, either by getting rid of him or maybe having someone else help him out. The latter is less satisfying but probably gets the message across.

It is useful if you deal with the public to develop a way to deal with situations like this, a hard stare or whatever. It's all well and good to say men shouldn't do it but there is a near infinite supply of wankers in the world and being able to shut them down is a useful skill and can make you feel more confident.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 10/03/2022 13:16

You could go factual - that kind of talk is not ok here, or I don't have to listen to remarks like that - or comment on what he is doing - I am sure you don't mean to make me uncomfortable so will ignore that - but agree with the PPs who say you should not have to. I think you should definitely mention it to the bosses - it should not matter how much he buys from the company if he is being so vile. Sorry this happened to you.

Luredbyapomegranate · 10/03/2022 13:17

It would help to know what job you do/your role.

That is vile.

I would be more formal with him going forward. If he does it again, just say 'that's really offensive Peter, please do do it again'. And then report in writing. If it happens again, get your boss to talk to him.

anniegun · 10/03/2022 13:20

Its sexual harassment and your company needs to deal with it. If they do not ban the customer or at least put a procedure in place so you don't have to deal with him again they are failing you

Westfacing · 10/03/2022 13:21

Bloody idiot!

I would definitely report this incident to your management - then you'll have a record if it happens again or you decide take it further.

God, nothing changes.

amusedbush · 10/03/2022 13:23

Ugh, vile. That is harassment and it's not on women to know how to shut it down, it's on men to stop being fucking pigs.

I would report it to the manager and then refuse to serve the guy ever again.

NETSRIK · 10/03/2022 13:26

@JanetPluchinsky

Are you in retail or hospitality?

Are you quite new to it?

You’re going to need a thicker skin. I would shut that shit down without flinching but I’ve had 25 years of this nonsense.

Try not to give it another thought, he’s a disgusting pig.

Well this is helpful. Maybe she doesn't need to change anything and the Manager and or security where she works gets this pathetic man banned.
Marvellousmadness · 10/03/2022 13:27

Complain straight away. Demand to be taken serious . And get a papertrail of your complaint

Blossomtoes · 10/03/2022 13:28

@WallaceinAnderland

Would there be CCTV?
Excellent point because otherwise it’s one person’s word against the other and, if he’s a good customer, whose will they take?
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