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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Customer made B**w Job action

83 replies

Tothemoonandbackx · 10/03/2022 11:05

OK, I definitely know AINBU to feel really grossed out and uncomfortable by this, but a customer (fairly regular in my job) has just asked me in general chit chat if everything's still going well with my OH?? I said yeah, it's going great, smiled and then to my absolute horror!!! He did the blow job gesture (pretending to hold a cock to his mouth...you know the one) and asked if I was doing that!!!!!!! I know...I know... I should have come back with a million replies, can obviously think of them now he's pissed off, but it just stunned me at the time and I didn't answer!!!! What the actual Hell!!! Do people really think that's an appropriate thing to.....in public no less!!!! What would have done in this situation???? And if it happens again....I'd like some really good come backs. Not that it makes a difference I don't think, to the whole gross situation, but this guy is in his 70's and I'm in my 30's.

OP posts:
MrsHumphrieswife · 10/03/2022 13:29

Another who says that society should come down hard on this, rather than the onus being on the woman whose on the receiving end.
25 years ago the cafe I worked for banned a man who was making sexual comments to a female colleague. Quite right.

Haveyoubrushedyourteeth · 10/03/2022 13:30

God that's horrible, I'm older than you OP and it would have floored me too. It's not about needing a thicker skin, it's about people not making excuses for (especially older men I find) men to be vile.

My Dd is at uni and works part time in a hotel reception where they have mainly older clientele. A few weeks ago she was asked if the long drive was passable due to the strong winds, when she said that she'd not heard otherwise so had no reason to believe he'd have any trouble his response was "well I hope not, I wouldn't want to be responsible for organising your brutal rape and murder if you're lying". This was a bloke in his 70's with his laughing wife standing next to him saying "oh what's he like" disgusting is what he's like and women who make excuses for the vile men are in my opinion disgusting too.

MrsHumphrieswife · 10/03/2022 13:31

Excellent point because otherwise it’s one person’s word against the other and, if he’s a good customer, whose will they take?

Well hers as she has absolutely no motivation to make that shit up whereas we all know what the motivation is of men who do that .

LittleGwyneth · 10/03/2022 13:34

That's disgusting and he should be spoken to in the strongest possible terms by whoever is in charge.

Blossomtoes · 10/03/2022 13:37

@MrsHumphrieswife

Excellent point because otherwise it’s one person’s word against the other and, if he’s a good customer, whose will they take?

Well hers as she has absolutely no motivation to make that shit up whereas we all know what the motivation is of men who do that .

Unlikely. They’ll follow the money. My cynicism is founded on years of experience.
Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 10/03/2022 13:40

PS - as an older woman, I have NEVER put up with this crap. But you get less as you get older so I watch out for younger women while I am around.

FKATondelayo · 10/03/2022 13:40

Wherever there's a thread about old men being vile, sexist pigs you can guarantee there's a) victim blaming and b) 'probably dementia'. Gross.
I hope you feel able to report it and you get support from management OP.

Zilla1 · 10/03/2022 13:43

HNRTT but if you feel up to it, perhaps "If you're asking if you can go down on my DH, I'll ask him but I don't think he swings that way" might put this vile person in his place?

Minikievs · 10/03/2022 13:51

Is this a repost of a zombie thread? I'm sure I've seen this thread literally weird for word previously, as well as some of the responses Confused

Minikievs · 10/03/2022 13:51

*word

EmbarrassingHadrosaurus · 10/03/2022 13:54

I don't think, to the whole gross situation, but this guy is in his 70's and I'm in my 30's.

There have been several MN threads of women in their 20s who end up dodging their 70+ year-old male neighbours who keep dropping in and then ask them out to lunch, 'To see where it goes.'

That said, I know men in their 90s who are dating women in their early 50s. It seems as if there's genuinely no age at which some men aren't considered a catch or actively consider themselves to be widely desirable and able to behave in this way.

Commiserations and I'm sorry your workplace isn't more supportive of you.

MangyInseam · 10/03/2022 13:58

@FKATondelayo

Wherever there's a thread about old men being vile, sexist pigs you can guarantee there's a) victim blaming and b) 'probably dementia'. Gross. I hope you feel able to report it and you get support from management OP.
No one said it's her fault?

As for dementia, it's a real possibility in some cases and often will be managed differently. Why shouldn't someone mention it? None of us are there so people are just throwing out possibilities.

ivykaty44 · 10/03/2022 13:58

I have a stock reply to things like that

Oh... gosh... I didn't realise you were one of those pervert men

said with a sad face

if they try and say anything at all but sorry

hands up and no, lets leave it there

middlingnot · 10/03/2022 14:01

Report to management but be factual about it (not teary!) - what's your manager like? You should not have to accept this crap in your professional role. Meanwhile practice some responses for future creeps. Belittle them and they turn nasty so just a cool "that's not acceptable or appropriate...do not do that" may suffice.

Everydaydayisaschoolday · 10/03/2022 14:06

Slimy bastard. I would blank him in future. Tell your manager why and let him serve him.

whynotwhatknot · 10/03/2022 14:33

oh the old he must have dementia line

just fuck off

Notanotherwindow · 10/03/2022 15:04

Shut him straight down. Tell him outright, and loudly, that he is being inappropriate and you do not have to put up with his sexual harassment, no matter how fat his wallet is.

ThisBloodyNoiseInMyHead · 10/03/2022 15:54

The dirty old bastard. Don't serve him again. Get your Manager to speak to the bloke.

2bazookas · 10/03/2022 16:44

There is no appropriate reply to that so don't bother.

Tell the manager you have been sexually harassed in the workplace by a regular customer; and you need him to deal with it. Meanwhile, you will no longer have any dealings with that customer and if he comes into the premises/you office you will immediately walk out.

CaMePlaitPas · 10/03/2022 16:46

Don't serve him again. Tell your manager, I'm sorry you were made to feel uncomfortable in your place of work, that's really not on.

BishopBrennansArse · 10/03/2022 17:33

YABU.
Completely normal social action.
Accepted response is to nod vigorously and reply "too right, sucking him dry!"

HTH x

BishopBrennansArse · 10/03/2022 17:34

Oh and in case nobody else got the sarcasm in my last post it was very much sarcasm.

I think the sad individual might have thought he was on The Fast Show. Prat.

1forAll74 · 10/03/2022 18:12

Are you not in the position, to tell this man,that he is vile and gross, and to sod off, and report him if you can, good customer or not.

partystress · 10/03/2022 18:42

whynotwhatnot I don’t think any of the few of us that have raised dementia as a possibility have said it must be dementia. And I am the last person to apologise for male grossness or intimidatory or humiliating behaviour.

But I have had a grandparent with dementia, GM as it happens, whose behaviour changed completely and who came out with things that she would have been absolutely mortified by pre- dementia.

The OP has very right to be shocked by what happened, to be unwilling to serve this man in the future, and she deserves respect and protection at work. Those rights are not invalidated by a possible explanation of his behaviour other than that he is a perv.

ittakes2 · 10/03/2022 18:55

This is disgusting but given his age I also considered the beginnings of dementia