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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my IL's really mean

82 replies

nametaken · 18/12/2007 11:54

I've just opened a xmas card from IL's and inside was a cheque for the grand total of £36 for 3 children.

My IL's are well off pensioners retired in France. My mum is on her own on benefits living in social housing and she spends £100 per child per occasion.

AIBU to expect IL's to spend more - or is this the difference between middle class GPs and working class ones?

OP posts:

Spockster · 18/12/2007 11:56

TBH I think £36 for 3 kids at Christmas is closer to about right than £100 per child, but my family never spent alot at Christmas; more to do with Yorkshire roots than lack of cash!

mumblechum · 18/12/2007 11:58

At least you got something. MyMIL seems to have forgotten ds altogether.

eidsvold · 18/12/2007 12:00

yes - how rude.

Your in laws choose to spend 36 quid - that is their choice as it is your mother's choice to spend to much.

I would have thought the difference between being sensible and going over the top. Do you not think your mother spends way too much or do you just think everyone should be like that?

aquababe · 18/12/2007 12:02

I'd be grateful they sent money (better than inappropriate gifts)
100's way too much
were not even spending that much on dd

zubb · 18/12/2007 12:03

YABU.
£13 per child is fine - nothing to do with class. My Dad spends between £10 and £15 each on my 3 - and they always love his presents.

slim22 · 18/12/2007 12:04

I think sending money is plain rude AND insensitive.

The amount is totally irrelevant.

They are in France FFS, not on mars. They could make the effort to CHOOSE something for what one would expected are their beloved grand children and send it through the post with a loving card!

Weegle · 18/12/2007 12:05

think you're being unreasonable - a gift is a gift, exactly that and you can easily get a nice gift for each child for £12. I personally would say £100 for a GP is quite a lot but that's her choice and if you're happy with that then fine but it shouldn't detract from the other GP's presents.

sb6699 · 18/12/2007 12:05

If they have lots of money it could appear a bit mean - you can't really by much for £12.

BUT at least they have made the effort - have you read some of the "in-law" threads over the past couple of weeks they make yours positively look like angels.

It's the thought that counts.

MotherFunk · 18/12/2007 12:05

Message withdrawn

vitomum · 18/12/2007 12:06

i'd me more annoyed about your own mum spending hundreds on them

electra · 18/12/2007 12:06

I don't think it's mean. Our relatives usually give £10 for each child and I think that's absolutely fine.

electra · 18/12/2007 12:08

Yes - agree with vitomum. I wouldn't be happy if my parents spent £100 per child especially if they could ill afford it.

Miaou · 18/12/2007 12:09

I think you are being totally unreasonable. Just because they have lots of money, it doesn't mean they should spend it all on your dcs! It's not a competition to see who can shell out the most; neither does it (necessarily) mean that your mum loves your kids more than your ILs!

I could perhaps understand it if you were upset that they sent money rather than a present they chose themselves, but even so, it's the thought that counts.

RosaLuxMundi · 18/12/2007 12:11

I think that is a perfect reasonable amount to spend. I feel rather sorry for your mum who must sacrifice her own comfort to spend what seems to me to be an excessive amount on her grandchildren.

LolaTheShowgirl · 18/12/2007 12:11

I'd be happy. I think you should be careful your materialistic and greedy nature doesn't rub off on your kids.

JolieGirl · 18/12/2007 12:11

rich people tend to be rich because they don't fritter their money away all the time...think rod stewart. tight as a coat of paint. £12 rchild is actually very generous. why is yor mum willing - and more impotantly able - to spend £100 per child. should you not put a stop to this for her sake????

wb · 18/12/2007 12:20

£12 per child sounds fine to me, I wouldn't spend £100 per child on my own children, let alone allow anyone else to. Guess I'm just mean.

nailpolish · 18/12/2007 12:24

i think its more worrying that you think its ok your mother spends £100 per child per occasion. i would have a chat with my mohter if i were you and tell her its excessive. she must really have to do without for herself

Flibbertinseljinglebells · 18/12/2007 12:24

I'm with lola on this one. I would go mad at my mum if she spent £100 per child per occasion - they have 11 grandchildren!!

Just because they live in France and are comfortably off doesn't mean they are loaded, perhaps they got there by being careful and not splurging on uneccessaries.
And yes I consider £100 per child VERY unecessary. If everyone spent this on your 3 kids how on earth would you be able to move in your house on Boxing day?

ajandjjmum · 18/12/2007 12:30

Your mum must be making serious sacrifices herself, if she is on benefits. I would encourage her to compromise.

branflake81 · 18/12/2007 12:37

I think you are being very ungrateful. It's a gift and an ample one at that. Don't be so materialistic.

ConnorTraceptive · 18/12/2007 12:43

You're ungrateful and materialistic. What your mother spends is obscene and unnecessary and that would piss me off far more than your IL's.

spokette · 18/12/2007 12:48

YABVVVVU and horridly ungrateful. It is the thought that counts, not the amount.

Your attitude typifies what is wrong with too many in our society - they know the cost of everything but the value of nothing.

Compared to my DB, I am well off and last year I sent him £30 gift voucher for his three children. You should count yourself lucky!

Flum · 18/12/2007 12:51

I think £12 is ok, its on the low side. My PIL are very wealthy but always give one present per child. They are always really nice but I don't think they have ever given anything over about £20. They do sometimes give cheques for the kids savings accounts though.

In my experience the wealthier the family the more modest the Christmas gifts eg a book, a cd, a doll, a dress up outfit.

I wealthy people know that money is better invested in property or shares than P*ssed up on plastic that will end up in the bin in two years. innit.

Flum · 18/12/2007 12:51

£100 on a kid for Christmas is bonkers. No wonder people get into so much debt.

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