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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my IL's really mean

82 replies

nametaken · 18/12/2007 11:54

I've just opened a xmas card from IL's and inside was a cheque for the grand total of £36 for 3 children.

My IL's are well off pensioners retired in France. My mum is on her own on benefits living in social housing and she spends £100 per child per occasion.

AIBU to expect IL's to spend more - or is this the difference between middle class GPs and working class ones?

OP posts:

differentbutthesame · 18/12/2007 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

POOKAingwenceslaslookedout · 18/12/2007 17:56

My grandpa used to give me a cheque for the same amount as my age. So £11 when I was 11 and so on. MY mother's parents would give me £5 in a card for christmas, to "buy a knickerbocker glory".

nailpolish · 19/12/2007 09:15

discoverlife, why on earth shouldnt it go on the nursing home? its their money ffs. dont be so greedy.

and i still think £100 per child is too much for a pensioner. why should she deprive herself? i wouldnt spend £100 on my own children.

my jaw has hit the deck with this thread. i cant believe how much of you come out with "well i spent more on her kids than she did on mine"
do you REALLY analyse each present that much?!

RubySlippedonastraymincepie · 19/12/2007 09:20

i am

give with grace and receive with pleasure

there seems to be an implication that the more people spend, the more they care which is frankly rubbish

nailpolish · 19/12/2007 09:25

yes i think that too ruby

krang · 19/12/2007 09:30

Yeah, cos we all know that money equals love, right? And the more we spend on our kids, the more we love them, right? YA so BU. Honestly, how pathetic and ungrateful. A nice example you're setting your kids. God, it pisses me off so much when people complain about this sort of thing.

snowfunwhenyoureknackered · 19/12/2007 09:30

what age are your kids nametaken?

£100 is too much for a toddler, but I guess £100 for a teenager can be spent quickly

BroccoliSpears · 19/12/2007 09:49

And while we're veering off topic with reminisences of what elderly relitives send us...

My Granny still buys my brother and I a Crunchie bar when she sees us. When dp came on the scene 10 years ago, she included him and at the age of 27 he found himself thanking Granny for a Crunchie every Sunday.

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 19/12/2007 10:01

I agree with the majority here, I think it is the massive contrast with your mother's spending which makes their gift seem small, when in fact it isn't. Why does your mother think it appropriate to spend so very much on your children? Does she think it is expected? I would be upset if mine spent that much on my children, because as you have illustrated very clearly in your OP, it leads people to have high expectations about what they get from everyone else...I don't want my children to grow up thinking people who buy them something small are cheapskates or something.
I would also not be pissed off about it being a cheque - I have always been sent cheques by kind relatives, for me as a child and for my own kids, and they are most welcome, the idea being that you put them into the bank right after Christmas, then spend the money in the sales so you get more for it iyswim.
I think the only thing that needs adjusting in your situation, is the amount your mother spends, and perhaps the attitude this has helped foster that spending a lot of money is an indication of love.
Think on't

ConnorTraceptive · 19/12/2007 10:01

To be fair to the OP she has come back and taken her flaming with good grace!

Just to veer off aswell out of all my xmas presents as a child I always remember being excited by the feel of two pound coins in a card from my nan. My great aunt does this for ds now and i think it's lovely. He's only 2.6 but the look on his face when he saw his card had "pennies" stuck on it was fab!

TwinklyfLightAttendant · 19/12/2007 10:03

No, I understand. So she did. I just had to stick in my 2p worth because I was in the mood for a rant

ConnorTraceptive · 19/12/2007 10:15

nowt wrong with a rant my post wasn't directed just at you.

Must admit when I first read the OP i wanted to run fists flying at the screen !!!

nailpolish · 19/12/2007 10:17

she came back and apologised, yes i saw that. but she also said something along the lines of "mum isnt on benefits, shes on state pension" - well £100 is still too much froma pensioner IMO

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 19/12/2007 10:30

I can see both sides here. A lot of people are saying that it is the thought that counts. Well not all that much thought in sticking a cheque in with a christmas card IMO. I am not totally against people giving money, especially if they are old and infirm. My 95yo Grandad ususally appears on Christmas Day with a pocketful of 20 pound notes for each member of the family. (Although looks like he will still be in hospital this year ).

However it doesn't sound like that is the case with these ILs who could surely have gone on Amazon and ordered something, or consulted with nametaken, or even sent the money a month ago.

ConnorTraceptive · 19/12/2007 10:48

Oh i still think £100 per child from her mum is ridiculous on all levels.

glaskham · 19/12/2007 10:48

its a bit mean to say they could have sent more money....if you cash it now and take the kids out in the jan sales with it they'll get much more from it than if they'd bought something now and posted it....kids dont want the value of the money, they want the toys they can buy with it!! if they were sent £5 each to buy a toy withi'm sure they'd be happy!!

my mum spends around £100 each on my 2 dc and also puts £100 each into their trust fund.....we hate her spending so much on them, but at the same time very grateful as she only buys one toy and the rest is clothing so it saves us buying it later on in the year when they need them!!.....but my mum and dad are very well off, own 2 holiday homes, have a stunning car and all the money they could wish for, so i dotn feel bad taking it off them, i was always given that amount of money in presents as a kid and now she spends it on my children and not me.....myself and my husband are not as well-off as my parents and i only spent £1 on my mum and £4 on my dad in the next sales and i know they will love the things we got them!!

if my parents were on a pension and spending every last penny they could afford on my kids i'd be telling her to just spend a tenner and i'd be over the moon!!

jellybeans · 19/12/2007 10:54

I teach my kids and feel that if someone has been kind enough to get you something then you should be grateful, whether it is to your taste or not or dissapointing or stingy is not the issue, say thankyou and accept it for what it is. I think £12 is fine and my kids would be over the moon to recieve that amount as would I. I would never assume or specify an amount which I think someone should have given as it is not my place to question what someone has given as a gift.

manchita · 19/12/2007 11:02

I ams ure that is enough, when considered alongside their other presents

ConnorTraceptive · 19/12/2007 11:02

glaskam it's nice that your parents are atleast practical with gifts. If you are struggling for money then it must be a real help to recieve clothes.

chibi · 19/12/2007 11:22

It could be worse, I am sure my pils have spent at least £100 on tat and cack which is unusable, eg bottles for 6 mo ex bf baby, hot water bottle and el cheapo highly perfumed wipes, the kind guaranteed to make her eczema-y skin go nuclear. I haven't dared to peek at any more.

SelfishMrsClaus · 19/12/2007 11:24

My mum has 15 grandchildren, ages ranging from 22 to 2. She spends £20 each on them for C'mas & on their birthday.

All 7 of my sibs have told her to stop the C'mas gifts as it's way too much at once, but she refuses!!

coldtits · 19/12/2007 11:27

YABU, £36 is plenty. They are your kids, not the inlaws kids.

coldtits · 19/12/2007 11:27

Pssst chibi, zoos like baby bottles.

chibi · 19/12/2007 11:31

sorry to hijack, still bitter about gift carpet bombing by pils

ohcomeALYefaithful · 19/12/2007 11:33

I have read the whole thread, but £100 per child per occasion????

She is on benefits and in social housing? I'm so pleased that the state welfare system provides her with so much spare cash.

I will not be spending anywhere near that amount on my own DCs and we run a sucessful multinational business.

(waits for her seasonal flaming)...

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