To leave 13 YO DD home alone for the evening?

[inigomontoyahwillcox]

DD's dad has just asked to change a visitation weekend which I've agreed to, but this now means that DD will be at home this coming Saturday evening and DH and I have tickets to go see a friend's band about half an hour's drive away. We've got a taxi booked for 12.30am - but I'm in 2 minds as to whether to leave her home alone that late.

She's convinced she'll be "absolutely fiiine", and she has indeed been fine when we've left her a few times for a couple of hours in the evening in recent months. We're only a few doors away from friends of ours who are also coming to the gig, but whose 16-year-old daughter (who DD is friendy with) will be around if she needs someone close by.

She'll most likely spend all evening on TikTok, Netflix and Snapchat.

YABU - she's still too young to be left alone until 1am
YANBU - go for it

It's a bit iffy....but I also have a 13 year old and a 17 year old and in these circumstances I'd do it. What I would consider though is asking her if there's a friend she'd like to stay with?

It's the getting back at 1am that makes me feel uneasy.
Couple hours and back at say 9pm I'd say go for it.

I agree with @OinkPinkPonk. You had a restaurant table booked and would be out 7.30-10, leaving her with a film and a TV dinner? Fine. Until the small hours, when things could go wrong with the taxi? I’d be wary. Could she spend the evening with the 16 year old?

Honestly, I don't see the issue. If she's a mature 13 and there's someone a couple of doors down she call call on if needed, she'll be fine.

I also don’t see the issue. The real worst case is that she doesn’t go herself to bed (not the worst case but never actually happens eg, intruders, heart attack blah blah blah!). At 13 I was regularly left after school until my parents came home which amounted to 4/5 hours some days. Why is that any different to going over midnight? What risks appear past 10 o clock at night that aren’t there beforehand

I wouldn't do it until that late. Can't she go with you, hang out with the 16yo and then go home in the taxi with you?

I also wouldn't go that late, could one of you drive so that you could get home if needed?

It’s fine

YANBU I was left myself at that age and any 13 year olds I know (family members) are also all absolutely fine.

Just make sure you keep your phone on you so you can hear if need be

As 13 year old is comfortable with it and presume she is sensible for you to consider it then absolutely fine, added bonus of people she could get in touch with nearby.

Things could go wrong at any time of day or night but it is unlikely. And she will be fine if your taxi is delayed or you have a breakdown at 1am just as she would be at 11pm.

@SilverSandStorm

I also wouldn't go that late, could one of you drive so that you could get home if needed?

Yes, I could drive.

I’ve said yanbu but I’m a bit confused as to why you agreed to swap when it doesn’t work for you

Sorry, I think it's too late.
But also, will you hear a phone call if you are at a gig? If she were to try and call you, would you be able to answer?

She'll be fine. You're going out for the evening, not on holiday.

So long as she's sensible I'd go for it.

@InTheLabyrinth

Sorry, I think it's too late. But also, will you hear a phone call if you are at a gig? If she were to try and call you, would you be able to answer?

I'd have it on vibrate in my pocket, so would feel it.

Thanks all. Think we're probably going to go. I've cancelled the taxi and will drive now, just double checking that her (16yo) friend is OK to be point of contact if she needs someone urgently.

I would and have but I always drive.

No, too late for a 13 yo.

And if anything did happen, I think questions would be asked.

I think it’s fine but I would probably drive unless I were totally confident of getting a taxi at that location at short notice in an emergency.

I would also ensure that the 16yo neighbour is definitely planning to be home that night - no point having her as the emergency contact if she’s going to be out socialising also.

If she's sensible then it's absolutely fine.

I don't really understand why some people would be happy with it till 10 but not till 1 - what is realistically likely to happen between 10 and 1 that couldn't happen earlier?

My parents left me at home at this age and I was fine with it. They also insisted I spend the school holidays wandering around the city centre rather than at home as it was apparently safer and to be honest, I had way more problems in the day time in town (creepy guys etc) than I ever did at home on my own!

what is realistically likely to happen between 10 and 1 that couldn't happen earlier?

It’s not that what might happen is different, it’s that the options available to deal with it are realistically different. She hears a funny noise and is worried? Perfectly reasonable to knock on a neighbour’s door at 9.30 and say “mum and dad are out but I’m a bit worried”. After midnight, not so much. The same if the OP needs to phone someone to say “please just pop round and put our minds at rest.” Only okay at 1am in the event of a genuine (and known) emergency.

@Classicblunder

I don't really understand why some people would be happy with it till 10 but not till 1 - what is realistically likely to happen between 10 and 1 that couldn't happen earlier?

My parents left me at home at this age and I was fine with it. They also insisted I spend the school holidays wandering around the city centre rather than at home as it was apparently safer and to be honest, I had way more problems in the day time in town (creepy guys etc) than I ever did at home on my own!

The length of time is an issue, plus I think it goes against most parents instincts to leave their vulnerable child alone that late at night. There’s less help available if she gets into trouble in the early hours of the morning. Break ins are more likely to happen in the early hours. As statistically unlikely as that is to happen on the one night she’s been left alone, imagine what could happen if someone broke in to find a little girl alone without her parents? If something happened to her you could be charged with child endangerment. And moral and legal aspects aside, there’s also the social aspect if something goes wrong. I remember reading a statement made by April jones mum after she got snatched and murdered. She said almost as bad as the loss of the daughter itself, the online lynching by the public was almost as bad. She got the blame for what happened for leaving her little girl alone in the street. Leaving a 13yo at night goes against the nspcc guidelines, so if she suffers from an accident at home, or a break in/assault/house fire before you get home and it’s found out her parents were out on the piss at a gig then I’d expect all sorts of investigations to take place

Too young. Too long. Just a baby, really. Needs adult care, not a teenage neighbour.