To leave 13 YO DD home alone for the evening?

[inigomontoyahwillcox]

DD's dad has just asked to change a visitation weekend which I've agreed to, but this now means that DD will be at home this coming Saturday evening and DH and I have tickets to go see a friend's band about half an hour's drive away. We've got a taxi booked for 12.30am - but I'm in 2 minds as to whether to leave her home alone that late.

She's convinced she'll be "absolutely fiiine", and she has indeed been fine when we've left her a few times for a couple of hours in the evening in recent months. We're only a few doors away from friends of ours who are also coming to the gig, but whose 16-year-old daughter (who DD is friendy with) will be around if she needs someone close by.

She'll most likely spend all evening on TikTok, Netflix and Snapchat.

YABU - she's still too young to be left alone until 1am
YANBU - go for it

its fine - i would say as its the first time you might want to drive to put everyone's mind at rest but honestly everything will be fine and its a great step in your changing relationship as she gets older and knows you trust her.

‘ Leaving a 13yo at night goes against the nspcc guidelines, ’

No it doesn’t

I wouldn't leave my child at that time alone. I also was a regular babysitter at 13 years old, I liked the money but honestly i was often scared by the dark outside and the house getting colder as the heating was turned off by the timer. It wasn't enjoyable!

I understand you will have your phone, but you won't hear it and can you honestly say you will feel it if you are up dancing with your mates. If she calls, afraid what then?

I would either cancel my plans or arrange for her to sleep over at a friend's

No chance
I'd be cancelling my night out or asking a friend if they can go for a sleepover
13 is far too young to be left alone

Goodness we all started babysitting at 12. If she's comfortable with it then fine. Do you have a friendly neighbour she could call if she gets spooked?

She's not a "baby" or a "little girl" and she doesn't need "putting to bed" aged 13. Bloody hell! If she's a responsible sort and she's happy then it is fine (just like she said herself). I would have loved that when I was 13.

Too much infantilising of teenagers and adolescents these days. No wonder they have mental health problems because they have no idea how to cope with perfectly normal stuff. My son went to the out of hours doctors age 13 and I got a call from the surgery telling me off for sending an unaccompanied minor. Ridiculous. He was perfectly capable of speaking for himself and would have been mortified at mummy accompanying him.

@honeylulu

She's not a "baby" or a "little girl" and she doesn't need "putting to bed" aged 13. Bloody hell! If she's a responsible sort and she's happy then it is fine (just like she said herself). I would have loved that when I was 13.

Too much infantilising of teenagers and adolescents these days. No wonder they have mental health problems because they have no idea how to cope with perfectly normal stuff. My son went to the out of hours doctors age 13 and I got a call from the surgery telling me off for sending an unaccompanied minor. Ridiculous. He was perfectly capable of speaking for himself and would have been mortified at mummy accompanying him.

I went to the doctors alone aged 12 in the 80s and I still remember how hurtful it was that I was sent on my own for a minor issue but I wanted my Mum with me.

I had to do a lot alone that I shouldn't have. The doctor write my Mum a note and said to go with me next time.

I still have issues today thanks to the lack of care I had. Be careful.

wrote not write!

@FortunesFave

There’s a difference between lack of care and promoting age appropriate independence.

The issue in your case is that you didn’t feel able to say ‘mum I really would like you to come, I want you with my.’ PP stated her son is happy to go alone. Same with op child - if you have created an atmosphere where a child can’t openly say ‘I don’t want to stay alone’ then that is the issue, not leaving a perfectly happy 13 year old alone for one evening.

Adult care …. Lol. What does that even mean. What does a 13yo need an adult to do for them??! Except give them money and drive them places

I had a very similar issue recently with my just turned 14 DS.
I considered putting it up here but knew I'd get a similar outcome to this and in the end it would come down to my own opinion.
In the end I did leave him, it was fine.

Couple of hours fine but I think you are back too late tbh

Like many others, I was out babysitting to midnight at that age. You know your area, you know your daughter, if you feel it’s ok, and she agrees, it’s fine.
As well as the 16 year old, do you have other friends or relatives she could call if she feels lonely, even if they are far away? Knowing in advance it’s ok to call Auntie Sue for a chat at 11:00 might come in handy even if she’s 500 miles away.

@OhMyCrump

I had a very similar issue recently with my just turned 14 DS. I considered putting it up here but knew I'd get a similar outcome to this and in the end it would come down to my own opinion. In the end I did leave him, it was fine.

Yep - to be honest I'm no nearer in making a decision!

The 16 year old has said she is happy for her to go over there (she's got another friend over, but they're happy for DD join them), mentioned this to DD and she said she might but would prefer to just stay at home. It's highly doubtful she would get scared or nervous - she's a very confident thing - but if she did I would be at the end of the phone (I always have it to hand and check it if she's home alone, particularly in the evening), as would the 16 year old.

If I do go, I'll definitely be driving.

@Blueeyedgirl21

Adult care …. Lol. What does that even mean. What does a 13yo need an adult to do for them??! Except give them money and drive them places

😆 I hear ya

@blueeyedgirl21

You forgot "and make sure there's enough crap food in the fridge and cupboards."

She is going to have to go hiking, pitch a tent and sleep in it if she is doing her DofE. A few hours in her own house should be a breeze

@Tillymintsmama

My 13 year old DD would be scared to be home alone if it's dark outside. I can't leave her for more than about 30 mins after 5pm this time of year!

You must realise this isn't typical though?! My 11 year old would love it if I went out and left her in peace on an evening so she could pick all her crap to watch on the big tv. 13 year olds should not be scared to be alone after dark (especially during the winter when it's dark at 4pm)

If she is fine with it and you think she's sensible enough, go. She's 13.

If you can text or ring her a few times during the night I would still go. She has an emergency contact nearby if she needs them. At that age I looked after my 7 year old brother if my parents went out. She will most likely spend all night watching rubbish TV, messaging friends & emptying the fridge if she is anything like I was at that age.

She’s 13 not 3. Of course she’ll be fine.

When I was 13 I was babysitting my younger brother and sister. Parents are so protective these days!

God the hystetia on here is hilarious...... I live in Cumbria and kids of that age are taking themselves off wildcamping and allsorts. Is it a risk? Probably, but life would be pretty boring and we'd all still be behaving like toddlers if we were held back from being able to build up taking risks.

@sweeneytoddsrazor

She is going to have to go hiking, pitch a tent and sleep in it if she is doing her DofE. A few hours in her own house should be a breeze

Another good point - something that she's really looking forward to.

OK - we're going. Taxi cancelled, 16 yr old primed and phone will be in pocket with vibrate on.

I think, after reading all your comments, that there are probably 13-year-olds that wouldn't cope so well being left until 1am, but I don't think that applies to DD.

@Jengnr

‘ Leaving a 13yo at night goes against the nspcc guidelines, ’

No it doesn’t

Yes it does. ‘It is important to know that if you leave a child under the age of 16 alone during the night then you are legally responsible if harm comes to your child’. Up to 12 years old it’s recommended that they are not left alone for more than 3 hours and not during the night. Under 16 year olds should not be left during the night. These are literally minimum standards. People’s standards should be higher for their own children