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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell gf I can't be dealing with the kids tonight

60 replies

jones88 · 01/08/2021 20:48

ive been with my gf for a while. She has two dc from a previous relationship and they spend the weekends with their dad. We dont live together but I spend my weekends with her.
Since its been the summer holidays, the kids have been coming home from their dads late, usually when they get back, I play a bit of lego with them or we play on the switch etc. Today I asked my gf what time kids will be coming home as I was going to cook us all dinner. She told me they'd be home later and are having dinner at dads.
Around 7:30 they were not back and I made a comment to my gf saying 'not going to lie im shattered today, probably won't spend much time with kids today as I want an early night'. (I have an early morning commute)

she started saying I am nasty, how can I say that etc. she then started saying 'did I tell you that you need to play with kids tonight, no I never so why even say it'.

I explained that I would spend a bit of time with the kids but I will be getting an early night. She's insisting I said 'I can't deal with the kids tonight' which I can't remember but I explained to her that I was tired, had an early commute and would spend time with them but would then get an early night

she then made a remark 'bet you never said that to your ex'. this is in reference to my previous relationship where my ex had children. I was fuming with my gf as just yesterday I told her to stop comparing herself to my exes which she constantly does and today she says this but she thinks im BU for saying I couldn't be dealing with kids

ive gone home as I was very annoyed at her, so who is bu

OP posts:
Macncheeseballs · 01/08/2021 20:54

I'm not sure why it's your job to play with her kids

TSSDNCOP · 01/08/2021 20:58

In your shoes I think I would stay at home for quite a bit longer.

clickychicky · 01/08/2021 21:00

Why on earth is she bringing your ex into it?

MrsSkylerWhite · 01/08/2021 21:01

YANBU

Aquamarine1029 · 01/08/2021 21:01

Do yourself a massive favour and end this relationship now. It's doomed.

MorriseysGladioli · 01/08/2021 21:02

She is being unreasonable, but it's very easy to be defensive if you (wrongly, in this case) think someone is getting at your children.

Justgettingbye · 01/08/2021 21:02

Not your kids not your problem IMO. I wouldn't get involved tbh

30degreesandmeltinghere · 01/08/2021 21:02

It was many years before I had expectations of my bf with my dc...
Is she trying to prove a point? As in her dc mean more to you than exes did?

ElspethFlashman · 01/08/2021 21:03

Her kids are not your obligation, and you playing with them is a courtesy, not a requirement. You do not live with them and are not even an Uncle.

How long have you been together?

Still1nLove · 01/08/2021 21:03

Or doesn’t sound like you are being unreasonable. Maybe don’t stay there when her kids are there

inmyslippers · 01/08/2021 21:04

Sounds hard work

KarmaStar · 01/08/2021 21:05

Yanbu.

Missingtheedge · 01/08/2021 21:07

YANBU They are her kids, not yours, so you are under no obligation to play with them but it’s good that you make the effort to.

I wouldn’t be moving in with her anytime soon if this is a regular attitude that you get.

AlmostSummer21 · 01/08/2021 21:09

Why did you even bring it up in the first place? Why not just play/don't play as you feel like at the time?

Whole thing just sounds weird.

toocold54 · 01/08/2021 21:25

She is definitely BU not you.
If you want to stay in this relationship then I would not make it a habit that you are there every day and play with the kids at a certain time etc as it sounds like when you want to do something different she takes it as a personal attack.

2LostSoulsSwimmingInAFishBowl · 01/08/2021 21:32

YANBU, there’s more times I’m willing to admit that I’m praying I can pack my own biological kids off to bed quickly because I’m knackered. You’re not these kid’s parent and you don’t live there so you absolutely have the option to call it a night whenever and go home.

From what you’ve said, your girlfriend is going to be a massive pain in the arse to you longterm unless she changes her ways (the snide comments about your ex and what sounds like twisting your words). Good luck.

LibertyFLiberty · 01/08/2021 21:38

Are you the same guy that posted recently about girlfriend? If so, she is toxic. Time to leave.

Anotherday21 · 01/08/2021 21:39

She sounds quite immature tbh. YANBU at all.

m0therofdragons · 01/08/2021 21:47

There’s plenty of times I don’t want to deal with my kids so it’s not even an insult but to expect someone else to do it, just weird. Might have been tone so I’d not make a massive thing on this occasion.

MyMabel · 01/08/2021 21:51

Jesus, the ex comments sounds really gaslighting (is that the right word to use?) and exhausting.

Darbs76 · 01/08/2021 21:55

You are not BU, she is. Agree, move on

LIZS · 01/08/2021 21:57

Unless you had promised the dc you would be there yanbu.

MyShoelaceIsUndone · 01/08/2021 21:58

God forbid anyone needs an early night. I’d have done what you did and gone home too.

BMW6 · 01/08/2021 21:59

It's not you, it's her.

Winceybincey · 01/08/2021 22:06

Sounds like she’s very insecure. Probably worried that you might decide kids are hard work and not want to be with her anymore, hence her quickly jumping on the defence, and insecure about your exes. There’s always a deep rooted reason as to why people act like that. She needs to work on herself.

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