Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Unflip

1 2 3

AIBU?

AIBU to tell gf I can't be dealing with the kids tonight

60 replies

jones88 · 01/08/2021 20:48

ive been with my gf for a while. She has two dc from a previous relationship and they spend the weekends with their dad. We dont live together but I spend my weekends with her.
Since its been the summer holidays, the kids have been coming home from their dads late, usually when they get back, I play a bit of lego with them or we play on the switch etc. Today I asked my gf what time kids will be coming home as I was going to cook us all dinner. She told me they'd be home later and are having dinner at dads.
Around 7:30 they were not back and I made a comment to my gf saying 'not going to lie im shattered today, probably won't spend much time with kids today as I want an early night'. (I have an early morning commute)

she started saying I am nasty, how can I say that etc. she then started saying 'did I tell you that you need to play with kids tonight, no I never so why even say it'.

I explained that I would spend a bit of time with the kids but I will be getting an early night. She's insisting I said 'I can't deal with the kids tonight' which I can't remember but I explained to her that I was tired, had an early commute and would spend time with them but would then get an early night

she then made a remark 'bet you never said that to your ex'. this is in reference to my previous relationship where my ex had children. I was fuming with my gf as just yesterday I told her to stop comparing herself to my exes which she constantly does and today she says this but she thinks im BU for saying I couldn't be dealing with kids

ive gone home as I was very annoyed at her, so who is bu

OP posts:

Report

Motherofalittledragon · 02/08/2021 21:47

She sounds like hard work, I'd be staying at mine permanently and ending things with her. Life's too short for that nonsense.

SeasonFinale · 02/08/2021 18:25

Tell her I can deal with the kids but I can't deal with you. Bye.

Mrgrinch · 02/08/2021 16:14

She sounds way too much hard work. I'd end it over the constant insecure comparisons to your ex alone.

DeflatedGinDrinker · 02/08/2021 16:05

Stay home more OP it's not worth the stress.

billy1966 · 02/08/2021 15:42

Time to move on.

Cadent · 02/08/2021 15:25

Dump and run, OP.

LIZS · 02/08/2021 15:19

What do you get out of this relationship? She is emotionally manipulating you by using her dc.

jones88 · 02/08/2021 14:32

She is focussing on me saying 'I can't deal with the kids' (when these were not my words) and is saying that it was nasty of me to say that and by saying that, I am implying that the kids are a burden. She is saying she has never told me to play with the kids so there was no need for me to say it and all I had to say was 'im tired, think ill get an early night'. she's focussing on the whole 'I can't deal with the kids' and is saying 'you hardly see my kids as they are with their dad on the weekends so why on earth would you say that'.

OP posts:

jones88 · 02/08/2021 14:26

she hasn't 'obligated' me as such to play with the kids but will say things like 'kids are looking forward to seeing you and to play' so then I feel like I have to. She is the one that tells the kids that ill there on Sunday night and they can play with me. She is saying today that she's never put an expectation on me that I should play with the kids so she doesn't know why I said what I did. But she's annoyed at me today for walking out and going home and is saying that im childish!

OP posts:

1forAll74 · 02/08/2021 04:07

She sounds a bit spikey and unreasonable towards you, so best make an exit, and leave things be for now.

Oceanbliss · 02/08/2021 03:14

@jones88 Do you feel that you are obligated to play with the kids? Has your gf told you that she expects you to play with her kids and entertain them?

Most of the pp seem to be under the impression that your gf has obligated you with a responsibility to play with her kids.

If she hasn’t obligated you in this way and you are acting like she has, then I get why she is annoyed with you. And yabu.

If she does expect you to entertain her kids and got upset with you for not wanting to, then she is being unreasonable.

You have portrayed her in a very negative light so it’s probably best for both of you to end it.

Iwonder08 · 02/08/2021 02:42

I wouldn't come back

MinnieJackson · 01/08/2021 23:24

YANBU

Thewinterofdiscontent · 01/08/2021 23:18

Agree with the poster who said Sunday evenings should be winding down after a day away.

Your girlfriend clearly wants some happy family senario and is looking for you to provide it. Do you see your ex’s kids anymore or are you just another adult intimate with the family and then gone? I can see why she’s anxious.

I don’t think you can win this.
You’ve walked out. It’s easy to do but ultimately it’s going to make her more insecure. Are you going to go home every time the argument turns tricky?
If you genuinely see a future you need a frank talk and no more playing families with her until you can commit enough to not walking out and going home when it suits. If she wants to see you she comes to yours and you split the costs of babysitters.

TheCupboardOfChaos · 01/08/2021 23:10

She's the problem here, OP.

me4real · 01/08/2021 23:03

That's really aggravating. You were just making conversation and/or letting her know how you felt, and she kicked off about it.

Not someone that's fun to be in a relationship with.

Maskless · 01/08/2021 23:00

Refuse to see her again until she apologises.

Guavafish · 01/08/2021 22:46

She is wrong and sounds jealous

I would end it

JellyJellyTooToo · 01/08/2021 22:45

Why do you play with the kids when they’ve been with their dad all day? Surely they should be winding down at that time…bath, stories and then bed?

I agree with the others who think she’s got a problem, she’s created a massive big deal out of a non-issue.

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 22:42

@cookiecreampie

I've been with my partner for 6 years and I don't "play mum" to his kids. They have a mum. OP's GF's kids have a dad. No need for him to "play Dad", either now or in the future, unless of course he wants to.

feelingmehtoday · 01/08/2021 22:40

@cookiecreampie

I think if it gets to the point of you living together as a family, you would be wrong to think that because you aren't the biological parent that you aren't responsible in any way and will leave everything to her. Though it depends a lot on how long you've been together and how serious the relationship is. Obviously you're not going to jump in and play dad straight away, but looking to the future, you wouldn't be able to continue with this approach.

Eh?!

Cuddlyrottweiler · 01/08/2021 22:39

There should be no expectation that you would be entertaining her kids anyway. YANBU

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

cookiecreampie · 01/08/2021 22:38

I think if it gets to the point of you living together as a family, you would be wrong to think that because you aren't the biological parent that you aren't responsible in any way and will leave everything to her. Though it depends a lot on how long you've been together and how serious the relationship is. Obviously you're not going to jump in and play dad straight away, but looking to the future, you wouldn't be able to continue with this approach.

CambsAlways · 01/08/2021 22:38

It’s her

Lachimolala · 01/08/2021 22:36

Sounds like she massively overreacted and became defensive of her kids when she didn’t need to be. Also sounds like she’s a little insecure, could you have a few days space then get in contact to arrange a chat at the weekend? Mainly about how she reacted and why that was, what was she feeling and what you were trying to say/feeling etc. I think communication is key here, that being said if she keeps doing this even after you have a chat with her then I’d think twice about staying in the relationship tbh.

Unflip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.