Best/worst/untraceable revenge

[namechangeforwrongdoing]

Just tell me the best (worst?) but most untraceable acts of revenge/comeuppance that you've heard....Asking for a friend.....

@ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia

The Has Been and Meg show? Ask Charlie!

Oh yes!

The moral of that is surely ‘be careful what you wish for’……….

Some of these sound like biohazards

Always carry a permanent marker with me, if there is no-one around, sneak into the men's toilet and write on the walls FOR MANLY LOVE RING 000000 (insert phone number)

Got this idea off Dumb and Dumber

@Keepemguessing

A friend put her ex's details on Gumtree saying he was selling a goat.

He had phone calls for months.

This one is excellent @Keepemguessing - totally harmless but very clear that you are taking the piss.

@Cowbells puts it very well with her upgrades though!

You got rid of an abusive cheating bastard. What better outcome do you wish for?

Moving on and looking forward is the best for you. Happiness doesn't come from revenge.

A head of nursery at a school made my toddler sons life v uncomfortable each day and ostracised him. She unfairly labelled him with a long term learning disability which he did not have. We did leave the school before he suffered too much, but as a protective mum i was on the war path....imagine my fury a few years later when I was approached to make a cash contribution to the lady’s retirement present!!! 🙄. I thought it was a great opportunity to send her our own present so my son drew her a lovely ‘therapeutic’ picture of how he remembered the teacher ....it really helped him to get the issue off his chest.

@Speakuptomakeyourselfheard

My DH and I met while on holiday. He'd been seeing a woman prior to the trip we met on, and went home and told her it was over, he'd met someone else and wanted to explore the new relationship. A few months on, I moved into his flat. Her revenge for dumping her - a box of books from a book club with titles such as 'How to Kill Your Lover', 'Cheats Won't Survive', and various other titles along a similar vein. Not content with that, she then sent him a card telling him that she had an STD and that he and I should get ourselves checked - it was all lies. She then ordered a taxi to come to the house to pick him up at 3am. She visited in the middle of the night and keyed his car. Then finally she came to the flat in the early hours of the morning, rang the bell and started shouting and screaming about what a cheat he was, until finally we had to call the police. Other than the 'keyed' car, we found her various forms of retribution funny, but I did feel sorry for her that she couldn't take him ending the relationship, as it wasn't like he cheated on her really, as he finished the relationship as soon as he got home from the holiday. I'm so glad he did, as we've now been together for 29 years!

Tbf if you slept together while on holiday, he very much did cheat on her.

My friends ex left her for another woman a few weeks before their planned wedding. He was an absolute cunt.

My friend pissed in his bottle of alcohol and also wiped his toothbrush round the toilet. Petty but satisfying

following this for pure gold

In a small town near mine, the wife superglued her cheating husband's penis opening shut. He had to be taken to the hospital to get opened back up again.

Made me spit my coffee out. Genius.

Do you find ALL cases of serious, potentially life-threatening sexual violence hilarious, or just this one?

As a PP said, it would be a terrible assault if it had 'only' stopped him from having sex, but to deliberately incapacitate somebody of being able to carry out a regular necessary bodily function such as urinating is essentially torture.

@Penners99 I was fucking ruined by Japanese Knotweed at my last house, I spent thousands on removing it...twice then had to pay a fine because it had spread to a bit of scrubland at the back. I'm now wondering where it came from....

Many years ago a friend's mum was the malicious gossip in the neighbourhood. Somebody got fed up and sent her a 'how to be a snooper' kit.

I used to be a solicitor. In the town where I practiced two other solicitors went into partnership, one I knew had a reputation as a decent chap, the other was a total shark. The sharky one controlled the purse strings and was generally horrible to the other one, undermining him, finding reasons he could not have a share of the profits etc. It all got so bad that one day he just walked out. The following day none of the client files could be found in the office and work ground to a halt. Shark reported this to the police who found CCTV of Nice guy in his car outside the office and driving away. The police interviewed him but he went "No Comment" His house was searched, they found nothing. After 6 months of effort and hard work the office staff managed to re-create all the client files, though the practice was very embarrassed by this and Mr. Shark suffered reputation issues (deserved) Then one day they had cause to go up into the loft............where all the files had been moved to. We all had a little snigger about this, Mr nice guy became local hero

Not exactly revenge but Royal Mail Xmas delivery nightmare meant that a very personal and thoughtful jar of notes to my ex arrived a week after I blew up his entire life after I found out he was having an affair & had kept his wife (separated from) secret.

Nothing I said had made him see just how utterly awful he was but that, landing in his doorstep and the grovelling messages at what he had lost felt absolutely bloody perfect.

I love the Royal Mail.

I found out the man I'd been seeing for a year & who'd promised me marriage etc was in fact already married. (I genuinely didn't know)

We were on a long weekend in Spain at a 5* Nudist hotel.
He was very worried his penis would get sunburnt.
I told him that he'd be okay as he had 'amazing skin' so didn't need much suncream but he was correct to take great care of his amazing penis. With this in mind, I'd got very expensive high factor block especially for it & offered to lovingly rub it in (in our room!) at regular intervals. He was v happy with my little speech and 'special care'.

The penis sunblock also had self tan in it. He went home from his 'long Business weekend' looking like a lobster with a mahogany cock.
I never knew how he'd explained it as I went NC from the plane home.

I actually think it's brilliant and way better than blatant revenge such as keying 'cheat' into her car. At least if he had done the latter, it would have been brought out into the open, she could confront him and be like wtf?? But this...I wouldn't know what to think or do or say. All I would know is that I'd been caught and I would be silently shitting myself. Way worse than some out and out act of revenge

Oh, I couldn't agree more!!

I knew a guy who slept with his exs mum as revenge for her cheating on him.

My DM told me to put two rats through my awful exs letter box as revenge, a male and female and just let nature take its course. I like rats though (of the animal kind) so I never went through with it.

@CoRhona

The best revenge is living well.

Boring but true

So true. And so much more constructive than spending hours being bitter and looking backwards.

They'd changed the language to German

That reminds me of another good get-back-at-them trick I heard once. If you can grab somebody's phone without their knowledge, change the language setting to a language that they don't speak. Not one that uses the same alphabet and has some similarities, like French or German, where they might be able to puzzle it out; but Chinese, Russian, Hebrew, Japanese etc., where they won't even know what the letters are, let alone the words!

It's easy to change it back again, though.... as long as you speak Japanese....

@Cowbells

The genuinely best revenge is a serious upgrade. Partner treating you badly - choose someone kinder, cleverer, richer, better-looking, more successful. Same with friends. Choose brighter more successful ones who don't put people down. Apply for a job at a biog salary increase if your boss is bullying you.

People think, 'It's not that easy. I don't have the choice.' But we do. So whoever it is you are asking on behalf of OP may as well try. It can take time but the key thing is to choose always to upgrade. So when you run into them you are genuinely happier and thriving more than with them and the fault clearly lay with their judgement and behaviour, not you.

Sage advice

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

They'd changed the language to German

That reminds me of another good get-back-at-them trick I heard once. If you can grab somebody's phone without their knowledge, change the language setting to a language that they don't speak. Not one that uses the same alphabet and has some similarities, like French or German, where they might be able to puzzle it out; but Chinese, Russian, Hebrew, Japanese etc., where they won't even know what the letters are, let alone the words!

It's easy to change it back again, though.... as long as you speak Japanese....

Dd did this with our Netflix once it was like that for ages. I think polish or something 😆

@Bahhhhhumbug

Posted this before lm sued but DH gave me and my group of women friends door to door lifts to the airport and was also picking us up. Would have been very expensive and taxi would've been only option as quite a journey. One woman in group, the organiser was quite bossy and went into overdrive on the holiday. On journey home and after she and other women had bought tons of souvenirs, shoes, bags, toiletries, presents, you name it,l said l would check in separately at airport as rep had warned us they count excess collectively if you check in as a group so you just have to divide it equally between you. Gets to check in and BW still had all the passports and tickets despite numerous attempts from me to get mine off her, just kept stalling. So get to checkout and she just handed the lot over and checkout woman who spoke very little English was waving her arms to put my case on as well. Being in a foreign airport l really didnt want make a scene so l put mine on (last) and clocked the weight and it was well under. Checkout then said how much excess to pay and BW turned round with hand out for each of our share which was more than l had left in Euros and besides which l didn't owe and l confirmed with checkout lady my case/the last case had been under. BW kept insisting and l stuck to my guns and BW paid 'my share' and stomped off shouting that l owed her €25 l think it was. She kept on about it and the other two just sat on the fence for a quiet life l think so ended up they went for breakfast and as she said she didn't want me to sit with her l went off on my own and rang DH in tears SAYING what had happened and l had hours to kill in a foreign airport (first foreign holiday too and terrified of flying) and how BW had shown me up etc etc . He calmed me down and later the other two women did come and find me and check l was OK and we all knew our flights etc as BW had given them my ticket and passport to give to me (very kind of her!!) DH asked me how much the money was in sterling (about £20) and said he would see me at other end not to worry. DH met us at arrivals (flight home, sat together and BW wasn't speaking unless to say l owed her money etc. so atmosphere was awful) he walked over hugged me, said hello to the other two and pulled £20 out his pocket gave it to BW to which she looked triumphantly at me but face dropped when he said 'There' s your £20 - the taxi ranks over there '

Your dh is amazing!!

My Narc ex did a real number on me..cheated, isolated me, mentally bullied me- when we broke up i was traumatised, made worse because he put up loads of revenge porn on FB and sent friend requests to my family and parents friends..completely unprovoked i might add!!
He hadnt changed his bank address from mine so i set up DD to several charities to leave the day he got paid, it was the month of the christmas bonus, each DD averaging £100-150 each.
He put up some more revenge porn and called several people to tell them what i had done, but there was no proof.. made my recovery from him a bit easier..

To live well.

Took all of the leads from the TV and PlayStation of an ex. I knew it would be so annoying to have to replace those specific ones 😂