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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be frustrated at Toddler clubs not wanting non walking toddler to attend.

107 replies

PegPeople · 14/04/2021 08:36

I have a 16 month old who is not currently walking. He's getting there but so far he's not ready to take the leap and walk by himself.

I've been looking at groups to attend now things are back open and have already decided it's probably not a good plan to take him to forest groups or gymnastic type actives activities as he obviously won't be able to fully participate as he cannot walk.

However I've now emailed 2 different groups who have said they would recommend he doesn't attend because he cannot walk and it's starting to annoy me.

One was a sensory group and apparently they do some dancing to music so he wouldn't be able to join in fully and the other was an art class where they said he was too old for the baby group and not 'developmentally capable' of joining in the toddler sessions. Hmm

Am I right to be frustrated? Surely he can still get something out of the classes despite not being able to walk. All I'm looking for is somewhere to go for a change of scenery and for him to do something new. Also does anyone have any ideas of activities to look at that won't automatically judge him for his lack of toddling.

OP posts:
PrimeraVez · 14/04/2021 08:40

I do get your frustration, but they're only saying they 'don't recommend' he attends, rather than he 'can't' attend? Maybe they are just saying this so you don't go, and then complain that he can't join in with everything?

From my experience, most of the toddler sensory classes are spent with you trying to restrain them on your lap or have them sat on the floor next to you, so there's no reason why he wouldn't be able to enjoy that just as much as a walker.

Caspianberg · 14/04/2021 08:50

I think they are correct on saying they won’t get the most out of it. Ie baby art class would be boring, and toddler art class might involve a lot of painting on easels or wall, etc.. I don’t think you can’t go though, but they prob just think you might think it’s a waste of money right now. Call them? It’s prob fine

As an opposite, mine walked at 8months. Baby groups still closed here, but was told the 0-12 month baby group is actually ‘non walkers’ so he would have had to go to the toddlers 1-3 year old group. Again it would have been a bit pointless for those few months as he would have been youngest and smallest at toddler group so would have worried he would get knocked over, but I understand that they can’t have a baby walking and just squashing all the babies laying down on floor.

SuziLikeSuziQ · 14/04/2021 08:55

There must be some groups where he'll get lots out of it, surely? I run toddler nature groups in the woods and all are welcome, even babies where the adult is doing the activities rather than the child! These groups give children the chance to practise more than just the art or singing or whatever they're based on - they're good for social skills, listening, motor skills etc. And they're also social for adults - just as important after the year we've just had!

OP, if you're anywhere near Oxford, let me know, I have spaces! Grin

Original poster
PegPeople · 14/04/2021 09:04

Thanks for the responses so far. I think I'm just frustrated as the tone of both emails was quite blunt and did imply he probably wouldn't benefit from attending at all. Plus the phrase 'developmentally capable' did make me a quite sad especially since he's actually pretty capable wielding a paintbrush.

I appreciate they are probably trying to ensure I'm not disappointed but I honestly don't think anyone with a child who has spent most of their life with no classes due to the pandemic would actually mind if their child couldn't do everything in the class and honestly it's not like he cannot still boogy to music despite not being able to actually dance.

I just wanted somewhere to go which was a change of scenery and for him to interact with other children and paid classes are out only option as all the toddler groups where they just prattle about with a bunch of toys in a hall are still closed.

OP posts:
LolaNova · 14/04/2021 09:06

That’s so annoying OP! Mine didn’t walk until 17 months but was more than capable of attending toddler groups! He actually got bumped up to the toddler group of our baby signing class when he was 10 months (it was supposed to be 18 months plus) because he was so able 😂

DancesWithDaffodils · 14/04/2021 09:06

You need to find one that caters for siblings. They will then be used to dealing with the mixtures of stages.
We had to make that shift when DS1 started crawling at 5 months, and we got booted out of the "Spring 200X" sessions as he was crawling at 5 months, and all the rest were lying still.....
Kept going once DS2 arrived, and they didnt bat an eyelid at the hurricane of DS1 plus a newborn.

Original poster
PegPeople · 14/04/2021 09:07

OP, if you're anywhere near Oxford, let me know, I have spaces!

Sadly not, which is a shame as your group sounds lovely. Smile

OP posts:
NailsNeedDoing · 14/04/2021 09:11

It does sound like they are just being honest and trying to ensure you don’t pay for classes that you child can’t fully access. It’s understandable that it’s frustrating for you, but they will have experience and will know what will and won’t work within their classes.

modgepodge · 14/04/2021 09:12

I think that’s a shame and not very inclusive 🙁 16 months isn’t even exceptionally late to walk!! He may well be walking in the next couple of weeks before the classes finish anyway.

Some of the activities I have seen (eg tumble tots) split their activities in to groups by ability eg newborn to sitting, sitting to walking, walking to 2 years etc. Anything like that near you?

If you find another class you fancy, I’d just sign up without asking about the walking (unless it’s an activity where walking is listed as a pre requisite!) I highly doubt if you turn up they’ll turn you away based on his walking ability - every baby class I went to had a huge range of abilities/skills/ages and the leaders were good about suggesting adaptations based on what babies could/couldn’t do.

Cindy87 · 14/04/2021 09:15

My son didn't walk until 18 months but I never thought to email to ask - I just took him along anyway. He couldn't get as much out of it as if he could walk but he enjoyed it anyway. Just show up with him.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/04/2021 09:17

I feel you op, esp the developmentally capable bit. Fair enough if it was say toddler football but for painting surely they can do it without standing.
I have twins who aren't really walking (one is a bit, one not at all) at 17 months and I'm assuming no-one will want us

Caspianberg · 14/04/2021 09:21

In that case, I would just book the art class of your chose. If it’s a by age group, then there’s no actual reason you can’t attend.

Original poster
PegPeople · 14/04/2021 09:22

Both groups only know he cannot walk because the templates to email them to book a space asked the question. I honestly didn't even register it would be relevant and assumed it was just a bog standard question, not that it would illicit a response of basically don't bother bringing him.

Alas no tumble tot sessions nearby. There is a gymnastic session held by another company that looked quite advanced so I discounted it as an option.

I've also looked for mixed sibling style groups but there doesn't see to be any, not sure if this is a covid thing or not but it did suprise me.

I'm glad others think it's a little unfair and I really appreciate the comments. I also honestly didn't think 16 months was exceptionally late to walk but it seems he's in a very tricky spot of not really fitting into any activities as he's not a baby but technically not a toddler.

OP posts:
queenMab99 · 14/04/2021 09:24

Mine was a powerful and relentless crawler, with a big head covered in red curls, at 15 months, I was banned because he frightened the other walking toddlers, tottering around on their spindly legsGrin

Original poster
PegPeople · 14/04/2021 09:25

@SleepingStandingUp

I feel you op, esp the developmentally capable bit. Fair enough if it was say toddler football but for painting surely they can do it without standing. I have twins who aren't really walking (one is a bit, one not at all) at 17 months and I'm assuming no-one will want us
I hope you don't face the same problems. It honestly hadn't occurred to me he wouldn't benefit from something like an art class just because he couldn't walk. As you've said toddler football absolutely I would understand but surely these groups have encountered a non walking 16 month old before. He's hardly an unusual anomaly.
OP posts:
00100001 · 14/04/2021 09:28

he'll be walking this time next month, send him then :)

in the meantime, just take him to the park and whatnot - he'll get just as much enjoyment from it - plus it's freeeeee

JoeMaplin · 14/04/2021 09:29

I had one not walk until 20 months and 1 not until 16. My 20 month old walker was a bum shuffler and late walking is common. DD2 the bum shuffler used to push her dolly in a pram whilst bum shuffling! I visited a private preschool that took from age 2 as they offered an earlier start time to look around, they said she couldnt start until she could walk which really shocked me. I was fully expecting her to be able to by then but that wasn't the point...

yummyhotcrossbuns · 14/04/2021 09:30

I think that's really unfair OP, especially as your wee one might feel inspired to walk by watching the other toddlers! I would probably try to take him anyway and see if he enjoys the activities- that's all that matters really!

OolieMacdoolie · 14/04/2021 09:30

That’s rubbish - some children take a bit more time than others, and of course some children never walk. Surely they should be making the group inclusive with activities which can be adapted for both walkers and non-walkers?!

powershowerforanhour · 14/04/2021 09:31

So what happens to disabled children then? "Sorry, you need fully functional legs for art class, so sod off?"

SpiderinaWingMirror · 14/04/2021 09:32

Do they actually ask or are you putting it out there?
Tbh I would assume, and sign up for any class that he is the right age for. 16 months isn't that behind for walking and I'm a bit surprised at the no art class cos he is not walking?
My general rule is " don't ask permission, only sort out problems if they arise"
If I was asked I would say " he is just starting to walk". Honesty is an admirable quality but I would be a little bit more liberal tbh.

Original poster
PegPeople · 14/04/2021 09:32

@00100001

he'll be walking this time next month, send him then :)

in the meantime, just take him to the park and whatnot - he'll get just as much enjoyment from it - plus it's freeeeee

I actually don't have confidence he will be walking in a month he's been cruising since last year and confidently toddling round holding onto my finger since December. Also as lovely as the park is it's all we've done for a year I think even he is a little sick of the swings and slide.

Mine was a powerful and relentless crawler, with a big head covered in red curls, at 15 months, I was banned because he frightened the other walking toddlers, tottering around on their spindly legs

He sounds fabulous. Grin DS is also able to crawl at lightning speed he totally wouldn't care if a wobbly toddler was in his path he would just keep going straight through them. Grin

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 14/04/2021 09:33

Baby/toddler signing classes are fab and really inclusive we went to tiny talks the baby classes run up to 18+ months and toddler is past this. I can highly recommend!

Swimming is another class where it doesn't matter and is great fun for them (along with good muscle development)

We also went to music classes which was completely mixed and didn't matter if walking or not!

Original poster
PegPeople · 14/04/2021 09:34

@powershowerforanhour

So what happens to disabled children then? "Sorry, you need fully functional legs for art class, so sod off?"
It's a very interesting question. I honestly have no idea what they would do in this situation. I would hope they would be inclusive but I have my doubts. Sad
OP posts:
kowari · 14/04/2021 09:37

With an easel he could hold on with one hand couldn't he? He doesn't need to be walking independently. DS was cruising at 6 months, walking at 11 months but was still crawling when he felt like it for 6 months after that. It's not like they are walking and suddenly off the floor all the time.