To be frustrated at Toddler clubs not wanting non walking toddler to attend.

[PegPeople]

I have a 16 month old who is not currently walking. He's getting there but so far he's not ready to take the leap and walk by himself.

I've been looking at groups to attend now things are back open and have already decided it's probably not a good plan to take him to forest groups or gymnastic type actives activities as he obviously won't be able to fully participate as he cannot walk.

However I've now emailed 2 different groups who have said they would recommend he doesn't attend because he cannot walk and it's starting to annoy me.

One was a sensory group and apparently they do some dancing to music so he wouldn't be able to join in fully and the other was an art class where they said he was too old for the baby group and not 'developmentally capable' of joining in the toddler sessions.

Am I right to be frustrated? Surely he can still get something out of the classes despite not being able to walk. All I'm looking for is somewhere to go for a change of scenery and for him to do something new. Also does anyone have any ideas of activities to look at that won't automatically judge him for his lack of toddling.

I've had a reply from the art class and I'm extremely disappointed. Their response says "the activities are designed for toddlers who are able to walk and he would struggle to access the activities if he was not confident on his feet." It then goes on to say "some of their other classes are suitable for those with development delays". I'm honestly now sat here absolutely speechless.

a 16 month non Walker is within the realms of 'normal'. Can't believe she basically said your child had a developmental delay!

cdn.who.int/media/docs/default-source/child-growth/child-growth-standards/indicators/motor-development-milestones/percentiles-and-mean-in-days-and-months-for-six-gross-motor-milestones.pdf?sfvrsn=81f3b60b_0 WHO motor milestones, 16 months is within the normal range (approx 8 to 18 months).

This makes me very sad, I am currently fostering a baby with developmental delay and he is very unlikely to walking any time soon. It saddens me that he is going to face being excluded from activities based on the fact that he is not yet walking (or crawling, he rolls very well though). His life has been tough enough as it is through no fault of his own and he really needs some social integration now he is beginning to form a secure attachment.

I'm amazed at this. Firstly, at describing your toddler (who is totally within the realms of normal development) as having a developmental delay. Secondly, at excluding non-walkers and children with developmental delays. It's really not that difficult to think of some art activities for non-walkers - they can sit on the floor and paint at low easels or tables or there's hundreds of activities that can be set up in tuff trays. A roll of paper on the floor and some crayons. How hard can it be?

Wow, I’m shocked by this! Most of the classes near me seem to allocate the classes by ability rather than by age - so for example, level one is newborn to sitting, level two is sitting to crawling, level 3 is walking etc. So you just go by milestone rather than by age.

I don’t really understand why they won’t let you at least do a trial class either. I would either insist that you want to join anyway (8 don’t see how they can actually stop you even if they don’t recommend you going), or if they have annoyed you so much you don’t want to go, then find another class if you can. Please don’t let it put you off jointing something - getting them used to groups etc is so important now that Covid is calming down (I also have a young baby a bit younger than yours).

I'm glad others are as shocked as I am. I'm so disappointed that this is their response and that those running the group can't use even an ounce of common sense to think of inclusive activities. It's an art class for fecks sake not a bloody running club!

It seems really exclusionary I remember feeling crap when my DS wasn’t allowed to progress in his activities because he was a ‘late’ walker but what about wee ones with additional needs or limb differences? Really not pleasant. Especially when it comes to classes which are part of big franchises, they really should be inclusive.

@PegPeople

I'm glad others are as shocked as I am. I'm so disappointed that this is their response and that those running the group can't use even an ounce of common sense to think of inclusive activities. It's an art class for fecks sake not a bloody running club!

And even if it were a running club you find ways to include those who want to join not exclude them.

@PegPeople

I've had a reply from the art class and I'm extremely disappointed. Their response says "the activities are designed for toddlers who are able to walk and he would struggle to access the activities if he was not confident on his feet." It then goes on to say "some of their other classes are suitable for those with development delays". I'm honestly now sat here absolutely speechless.

This enrages me. As the parent of a non-walker (due to disability) I am well versed in how difficult it can be for children with additional needs to access the world in the same way as their non disabled peers. The fact that this exclusion is present in a sodding art group for babies is just so disappointing . I don’t expect unreasonable modifications, but honestly, making marks should be accessible to virtually every child, everywhere. Shame on them.

And even if it were a running club you find ways to include those who want to join not exclude them.

True, ironic isn't it. I've also just been back to reread the information about the class and nowhere does it actually say that the toddlers need to be toddling. Surely this should be included in their promotional information if its so integral to their ethos.

This enrages me. As the parent of a non-walker (due to disability) I am well versed in how difficult it can be for children with additional needs to access the world in the same way as their non disabled peers. The fact that this exclusion is present in a sodding art group for babies is just so disappointing angry. I don’t expect unreasonable modifications, but honestly, making marks should be accessible to virtually every child, everywhere. Shame on them.

I'm so sorry to see you've struggled too. Like I said previously it honestly never occurred to me to even consider him not walking would be an issue so I cannot imagine how frustrating it would be to find a group for a child who had a disability, I sincerely hope most would be more inclusive. I never would have thought mark making and developing a love of art would require toddlers being able to walk.

@PegPeople

I've had a reply from the art class and I'm extremely disappointed. Their response says "the activities are designed for toddlers who are able to walk and he would struggle to access the activities if he was not confident on his feet." It then goes on to say "some of their other classes are suitable for those with development delays". I'm honestly now sat here absolutely speechless.

They clearly have no idea of early child development so I'd consider it a bullet dodged.

They clearly have no idea of early child development so I'd consider it a bullet dodged.

I think that's a fair assessment. I'll keep looking for something for us to do and hopefully other groups won't actually care that he cannot yet walk or go as far as considering him to be delayed.

Is this a 'one off' class or part of a chain? Because I'd be in touch with head office solely for the developmental delay comment - that requires re-training surely?! (I wouldn't want to go now with that class leader even if they did change their mind!)
Can you let us know the wider area you're from? Someone local might be able to suggest something. I'm also gutted that it's taking so long for church/community centre/library baby and toddler groups to open up, I've had to commit to 3 private classes so I'll have stuff to do with DD (17 months) and it gets expensive fast - I'd live one that's a couple of quid and a drop in rather than having to over schedule our lives!

Personally, if I was running groups split developmentally I'd still have age cut offs, something like 6 to 15 months and 10 months to 2 years, with walking 10 to 15 month olds in the toddler group and all others accommodated for within their age group. It's so wrong that he is not welcome in either group (even though I wouldn't be happy with him being placed with much younger babies at that age either).

My daughter didn't walk until 20 months. She was more than capable of doing anything she wanted to especially in a class as you describe. I'm just perplexed about why you asked at all. Just take him for a trial and see how you go. You know him!

YANBU this is outrageous!!!! OP if you’re in south London I run a church preschool group and WE ARE STARTING BACK ON MONDAY! All welcome whether walking or not (and I’m shocked and upset by this on your behalf). We are allowed up to 15 adults and I’m worried we’ll be inundated as you’re right, sadly many of the groups like ours are not starting back, at least any time soon.

I had a late walker. I think around that age we were going to a baby signing class and she was just small enough for the baby group and not walking was no problem. I was looking for a new group to join instead for a change and finding we were at an awkward stage to not be walking yet when the pandemic hit abd everything was cancelled. Now she's walking at least (she started walking about 21 months!)

I agree with your frustration!

But I wouldn't actually want to give my money to someone organising baby groups for that age who only accepted walkers - it's perfectly developmentally normal not to be independently walking at that age.

And so what if he can't stand and dance to music? There's every chance if it's a little anxiety on his part to let go watching others will give him that push.

And if he sits on the floor and bobs around? Who actually bloody cares and does it actually matter?

Plus sensory stuff is is something children with neuro developmental delays or disorders often access well into their later childhood years. It actually isn't an activity designed at walkers - it's designed to encourage exploration, learning about your bodies responses to stimuli and also reduce rings like tactile defensiveness.

@Lucylivesinamushroomhouse

YANBU this is outrageous!!!! OP if you’re in south London I run a church preschool group and WE ARE STARTING BACK ON MONDAY! All welcome whether walking or not (and I’m shocked and upset by this on your behalf). We are allowed up to 15 adults and I’m worried we’ll be inundated as you’re right, sadly many of the groups like ours are not starting back, at least any time soon.

Oh I'm so envious, sadly we're no where near you but I'm so pleased to see some groups like yours have survived. I hope you go from strength to strength.

Plus sensory stuff is is something children with neuro developmental delays or disorders often access well into their later childhood years.

I have to admit it does really confuse me that those running the group would think his lack of walking would be a barrier in this type of activity as like you've said many children with additional needs and disabilities engage in sensory activities. I honestly wouldn't think him sitting and enjoying the music would be an issue.

I'm just perplexed about why you asked at all. Just take him for a trial and see how you go. You know him!

I did think I've already said but to clarify I didn't contact them regarding his lack of walking. It was a question on the forms both groups asked people to submit when applying for a place. I would have taken him without a second thought if they hadn't emailed querying it.

I have a three year old who can't walk so I can understand at her age a lot of activities aren't suitable for her but that shouldn't be the case at 16 months, particularly if they have a baby class but limit it by age rather than ability. We used to go to and well restart Gymboree. There you move up classes based on development stage rather than age so although this had meant she is placed with younger children, she isn't excluded.

Have a look to see if Hartbeeps is running in your area OP. Their classes are grouped by ability, and the middle one Baby Beeps is for "sitting to toddling" so would be ideal for your DS. I loved going with my DS and we stayed in Baby Beeps until he (and his pals) were all confidently walking, before moving up to the toddler and pre-schooler group.

If you're in the West Mids my group that I start Wednesday sounds nice.

Yes Def see if you can complain if it's a chain thingy, I fairly sure they shouldn't be discriminating based on disability for a baby art class!

Hint about the one finger walking. My son was developmentally delayed and the physio told us to give him a toy to hold when standing, with him holding one end and us holding the other. So it was like a bridge between us. He felt secure because he was holding onto something, even though it wasn't actually supporting him at all. We used his comforter, one of those with a teddy holding a blanket, and each held an end of the blanket. That built up his confidence and he got there in the end.

I would also be spitting feathers at the responses from those groups, which are pretty much directly discriminatory. It's one thing being unwilling to take a non-mobile child if there is no parent there and you don't have sufficient staff to keep them safe (been there, hated it) but completely another when the parent was there. As a pp suggested, I would email back the info on ages for developmental norms for their digestion, and suggest they revisit their training. (And def don't go!)