To be frustrated at Toddler clubs not wanting non walking toddler to attend.

[PegPeople]

I have a 16 month old who is not currently walking. He's getting there but so far he's not ready to take the leap and walk by himself.

I've been looking at groups to attend now things are back open and have already decided it's probably not a good plan to take him to forest groups or gymnastic type actives activities as he obviously won't be able to fully participate as he cannot walk.

However I've now emailed 2 different groups who have said they would recommend he doesn't attend because he cannot walk and it's starting to annoy me.

One was a sensory group and apparently they do some dancing to music so he wouldn't be able to join in fully and the other was an art class where they said he was too old for the baby group and not 'developmentally capable' of joining in the toddler sessions.

Am I right to be frustrated? Surely he can still get something out of the classes despite not being able to walk. All I'm looking for is somewhere to go for a change of scenery and for him to do something new. Also does anyone have any ideas of activities to look at that won't automatically judge him for his lack of toddling.

Whoo hoo I just booked one for crawling to walking well so 8-30 months and she's only charged me for one baby!

I do understand your current frustration but honestly, it won't be for much longer.

Now restrictions are more relaxed and the weather is improving (somewhat), you can go out and about a bit more and see other people occasionally. Then before you know, this worry will be over.

Good luck.

Hi OP, my DD learnt to walk at just about 16 months. I worked, so we didn't do loads of groups at that time but there were a few things we'd do on weekends or on my weekday off. There was a local toddler group that was aimed at ages 1+ that I took her to. It was in a sports hall and just free play. She was a bumshuffler so before she could walk she would do a mixture of walking holding my hands and bumshuffling around. There were always other kids there who couldn't walk yet who would crawl or bumshuffle. As it was free play she was free to find toys she was interested in etc. There was also a music group we would go to that just mostly involved sitting in one place on a carpet and playing with musical instruments. They did a dancing part but this was a 0-5 activity so non walking babies would be danced on someone's lap or a parent would dance and hold them and it was only a small part of the group. We also took her to baby swimming and soft play, but would only do soft play on weekday mornings where it wouldn't be so busy or full of school aged kids. Hope you can find some things like this for your DC .

Take him to the sensory one. You can help him join in the dancing about. They just wanted to warn you that they usually assume everyone can walk. I'm not sure why "not walking" would make any big difference with an art class. I wonder if they assumed that "not walking" meant he was delayed in other respects, which is a bit presumptuous.

@lanthanum

Take him to the sensory one. You can help him join in the dancing about. They just wanted to warn you that they usually assume everyone can walk. I'm not sure why "not walking" would make any big difference with an art class. I wonder if they assumed that "not walking" meant he was delayed in other respects, which is a bit presumptuous.

If they assume not walking at 16 months means additional needs / developmental delay I'm not sure if want my kid there anyway. The group's we went to always worked around my DSs needs at this age because it isn't really independent play yet

It is really crappy if they're not just advising you, but actively trying to discourage you - and only you know that one really. I used to come home from toddler groups and cry because DD1 was still commandoing it up while babies tinier than her were literally running rings around her. She walked bang on 18 months (but she was premature so did motor things on the later side generally - unlike the talking which she cracked fucking early and never shut up afterwards) - but then I later found out other parents were always upset that DD1 was speaking so confidently and clearly (she was pretty advanced with her language - the manager of the children's centre used to stop work and just listen to the things she came out with sometimes) and their babies were still just babbling!

The cruising and one-finger hanging on thing sounds very very like DD1 to be honest - what we did find was that she needed to get it all sorted out inside her little head, be confident she was going to be able to do it - and then bam - just pretty much nailed it first time - she didn't go through that wobbly zombie toddler walking phase much at all - went at it with the same purpose and confidence someone heading to get into Primark yesterday would have done!

@powershowerforanhour

So what happens to disabled children then? "Sorry, you need fully functional legs for art class, so sod off?"

Quite. OP, you need to ask them if they’ve heard of Alison Lapper: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alison_Lapper

Not being able to walk didn’t stop her from being an artist.

Whoo hoo I just booked one for crawling to walking well so 8-30 months and she's only charged me for one baby!

That's great news!! I hope you all have a fab time.

If they assume not walking at 16 months means additional needs / developmental delay I'm not sure if want my kid there anyway.

I have to admit I'd be quite reticent of attending and questioning how many toddlers they had actually met if this was the presumption they had made based on the fact he cannot walk at 16 months. I just thought the art class especially would be something he would enjoy as he quite likes painting at home. I also probably naively assumed walking wouldn't be required for a sensory class especially as so many children with additional needs benefit from the sort of activities that would be on offer at a sensory toddler group.

what we did find was that she needed to get it all sorted out inside her little head, be confident she was going to be able to do it - and then bam - just pretty much nailed it first time - she didn't go through that wobbly zombie toddler walking phase much at all - went at it with the same purpose and confidence someone heading to get into Primark yesterday would have done!

I absolutely love your description. I think this is exactly how DS is going to be when he walks. He's going to completely miss the wobbling falling over stage and skip straight to the running full pelt with gusto stage.

This sounds really unfair and exclusionary. Are these all privately run groups?

Years ago I took over the running of our village mums and toddlers group. I did it voluntarily with another mum and we just charged a couple of £ per parent to cover the hall hire. I think most people realise these groups are as much for the benefit (sanity) of the parents as for the children, and we had babes in arms up to school age in our group and I made some of my best friends there. Could your health visitor or local library give you details of similar groups, that aren't run as a business?

@TimmyOnTheBrain

This sounds really unfair and exclusionary. Are these all privately run groups?

Years ago I took over the running of our village mums and toddlers group. I did it voluntarily with another mum and we just charged a couple of £ per parent to cover the hall hire. I think most people realise these groups are as much for the benefit (sanity) of the parents as for the children, and we had babes in arms up to school age in our group and I made some of my best friends there. Could your health visitor or local library give you details of similar groups, that aren't run as a business?

Yes all the groups are private paid ones as sadly none of the church free play couple of quid in a hall type groups are up and running again where we are and no one seems to know when or if they will be back so I'm limited to just private groups sadly.

I remember having to stop a group with my very young DS because he was moving too much.

That group was only available to non crawlers & he started crawling at 5 months old.

It was disappointing but understandable and it was the rules.

Hang on, so he’s confidently been cruising and walking with you for ages? Sounds like he literally just needs to spend some time around other kids who are walking and he’ll be there- are they mistaking not walking for ‘unable to bear his own weight’? Because that feels like a big difference

@SuziLikeSUziQ bit random, but are you Groovy?

@suziLikeSuziQ think I typed your name wrong

@Pbbananabagel

Hang on, so he’s confidently been cruising and walking with you for ages? Sounds like he literally just needs to spend some time around other kids who are walking and he’ll be there- are they mistaking not walking for ‘unable to bear his own weight’? Because that feels like a big difference

Yes he's been doing it for bloody ages but they wouldn't know his actually ability level as the question on the form just asked if he could walk and naturally I put no as he can't. He's about as close as he possibly can be to walking without actually walking if that makes sense. Although I'm not sure how he wouldn't be able to join in even if he was still only at not even attempting to walk stage.

It was disappointing but understandable and it was the rules

See that wouldn't bother me at all as there is naturally a huge difference between a very small baby who is mobile and one's that aren't and if those were the rules that would be fine.

However these groups are specifically aimed at toddlers and there seems to be no discernable reason why he wouldn't be able to partake in the activities just because he cannot walk yet. I wouldn't have been annoyed if it was a toddler football group or a gymnastics group but it seems like such an unnecessary requirement for an art and sensory class.

I’d be frustrated with that too, despite having the opposite experience - DS has only just started taking a few steps at 14 months, and a few weeks ago we went to an outdoor forest play area with some NCT friends whose toddlers were all experienced at toddling, and they got loads more out of it than DS did. However as a PP says, these things are as much for you as they are for the babies, so I’d just turn up anyway.

Relatedly, DS has been cruising since 7 months and we were saying ‘any day now...’ for walking, only for it to never happen. Also a very competent and lightning-fast crawler since about 8 months. Then last week he literally just stood and walked. It sometimes happens like that!

I think this is bizarre, to the point that I think you've been extremely unlucky to encounter it twice - please don't be put off trying somewhere else, this really isn't normal! I do remember that there was a bit of a lacuna for classes at that age in general (from when DS1 was that age, which was pre-covid) - there's a bigger market for under 1 classes because of all the people on mat leave and then there's a lot of classes aimed at 2+ or 3+ because they can do so much more then that it gives a lot more scope. Mobile but not really capable of following instructions is a tricky age in that regard.

Hey,
We would love to take on your little one, have a look if you have any LullaBaby classes close by :)

Im finding this difficult too. My boy is 12 months but is disabled so cant sit unassisted yet or crawl etc. So far hes been allowed to register for younger age sensiry groups which are newborn to 9 months.

Relatedly, DS has been cruising since 7 months and we were saying ‘any day now...’ for walking, only for it to never happen. Also a very competent and lightning-fast crawler since about 8 months. Then last week he literally just stood and walked. It sometimes happens like that!

This sounds familiar. I've given up second guessing him and doing the whole he will be walking by X date. I wouldn't be surprised if he just got up one day and walked like he'd been doing it forever.

I think this is bizarre, to the point that I think you've been extremely unlucky to encounter it twice

I really hope it's just a case of bad luck. As I've said it honestly didn't even occur to me that it would be an issue until I had the emails mentioning it. I've had another look for groups today but sadly there doesn't seem to be much else starting up locally.

I do wonder if there going to be an end to baby and toddler groups held in church halls and school halls with the new covid regulations. Two of our local ones are not reopening

He's definitely not a late walker.

I think a lot of people are just struggling to get admin done & groups up & running right now - as quickly as they can. Possibly they were more abrupt than they would normally be and with lots of people wanting to sign up have signed up the ones they feel will get the most out if it/have parents who feel it was worth the cost etc.

I expect things will calm down & more will open up.

Have you considered setting up a coffee club? Each person takes a turn to host a coffee morning with babies/toddlers. If someone can't host, they can still join but contribute in another way.

See if the library/soft play/etc are holding any 'events'/weekly meet ups.

Facebook advert for play dates.

If you're really desperate monkey music or other 'music' groups.

Best of luck finding some playmates!

@Hankunamatata

I do wonder if there going to be an end to baby and toddler groups held in church halls and school halls with the new covid regulations. Two of our local ones are not reopening

I really hope not but it also wouldn't come as a huge shock if they didn't reopen. Sadly the pandemic has already claimed all our local soft play centres and I can't honestly see anyone wanting to open a new one any time soon. I fear local church hall type groups will go a similar way.

Im finding this difficult too. My boy is 12 months but is disabled so cant sit unassisted yet or crawl etc. So far hes been allowed to register for younger age sensiry groups which are newborn to 9 months.

Its good they have let you join the younger aged sensory groups. Hopefully you will find more groups who are just as accommodating and inclusive as he gets older.

I had this problem OP. My DS didn’t walk until 19 months and therefore couldn’t ‘move up a level’ in two different groups in the end the group that we both enjoyed most was a completely informal playgroup at a church hall where there were kids at all different stages. Initially he could just shuffle about and play on mats by my feet with other wee ones and when he was walking he could run about with the older ones.

I know groups like this may take longer to get started up again but I would definitely recommend.

My DS didn’t walk until 19 months and therefore couldn’t ‘move up a level’ in two different groups

I appreciate their are guidelines but it seems pretty arbitrary to base it on being a walker if walking isn't actually a part of the activity. I can't imagine many mums of newly crawling 5/6 month olds would appreciate DS being in a sensory group for example with their children just because he isn't walking.

In the end the group that we both enjoyed most was a completely informal playgroup at a church hall where there were kids at all different stages.

I think this type of group would have been perfect for him. I understand why but it's such a shame they don't seem to be reopening.