To be frustrated at Toddler clubs not wanting non walking toddler to attend.

[PegPeople]

I have a 16 month old who is not currently walking. He's getting there but so far he's not ready to take the leap and walk by himself.

I've been looking at groups to attend now things are back open and have already decided it's probably not a good plan to take him to forest groups or gymnastic type actives activities as he obviously won't be able to fully participate as he cannot walk.

However I've now emailed 2 different groups who have said they would recommend he doesn't attend because he cannot walk and it's starting to annoy me.

One was a sensory group and apparently they do some dancing to music so he wouldn't be able to join in fully and the other was an art class where they said he was too old for the baby group and not 'developmentally capable' of joining in the toddler sessions.

Am I right to be frustrated? Surely he can still get something out of the classes despite not being able to walk. All I'm looking for is somewhere to go for a change of scenery and for him to do something new. Also does anyone have any ideas of activities to look at that won't automatically judge him for his lack of toddling.

Do they offer trial sessions that you could try? Seems a shame to book a block of 10 to find they aren't for you. If he can walk holding your finger, he will probably find a way to participate.

Try swimming lessons, maybe? No walking needed there. Or something like rhyme time, the one my library used to have had newborn through to 4 years old. Or church play groups, mine also had a wide range of ages.

If they are going to insist on walking then they need overlap in the age groups.

Walking does seem to be a real barrier my (now 12yrs old club swimmer/history geek) dd didn't walk till she was 22 months. I felt very excluded with her as the baby groups didn't want her over 12 months, but she was terrified at toddler groups with all the bigger kids running around her. She didn't talk till she was over 2 and had started preschool either!

Have you tried swimming OP? You will have to go in with him at that age but they won't care whether he's walking. I'd say just take him swimming but that is more difficult currently - but our council pool runs classes from 12 months I think...

What you need is the big church hall baby toddler groups - sadly I do t think many are running currently. Tbh though I dont think even if you find something from what I've seen they are not allowing the kids to interact where the parents are there too so it might not be what you are looking for anyway just yet.

That could potentially be discrimination against disabled children.

With an easel he could hold on with one hand couldn't he? He doesn't need to be walking independently.

Yes he could totally do that. He hardly holds onto the furniture when cruising so I don't think he would struggle standing at an ease supported by one of his hand whilst he used the other to paint.

Do they offer trial sessions that you could try?

Alas none of them seem to be offering a trial. I think their logic is they don't need to at the moment as so many parents are obviously desperate to do something with their children.

I would just show up to the sessions & see how he gets on. sometimes an email invites an answer of 'no' but if you just book him in (without mentioning the walking) and he does fine, then you know he can cope.

I’m betting they have had a load of negative feedback before from parents of non walkers who complained that their PFB was being excluded because they couldn’t participate the same way.

I think it’s good they have let you know that you may get more out of it when your child walks( which probably won’t be too far in the future). They did however word it horribly and I don’t blame you for being annoyed

Round here it's the opposite. Baby groups are only accepting non crawling/walking babies because of social distancing!

I had a late walker and people are very judgemental. I would take him to the sensory class and dance with him in the corner if they're all marching round the room (actually mine wouldn't join in with that stuff even when he could walk).

I’m betting they have had a load of negative feedback before from parents of non walkers who complained that their PFB was being excluded because they couldn’t participate the same way.

This might be the reason but if so why not just say the class is for walkers and have another class for pre walking toddlers? Literally nothing in their information suggests your child needs to walk it was only when they emailed me back that it suddenly became such a huge problem.

I'll have a look for swimming classes as several have suggested these although he's not mad keen on water so I'm not convinced they will be something he enjoys.

I suppose all I can do is to keep looking to see if there's anything else available but with limited numbers and not many groups opening it's been tricky to find anything with spaces. Which makes it all the more frustrating that groups which I know he would enjoy, especially the art class seem not to want him.

I wouldn't discount forest groups - I think they'd be perfect! The beauty of it being outdoors is that surely your little boy can get just as much fun/stimulation from whatever's going on as the walkers? In my experience, forest groups for babies and toddlers involve a lot of sitting around poking sticks in mud and crawling into puddles - he'll have a lovely time!

Honestly I don’t think I’d be wild about taking mine to a group that excludes kids due to “developmental stage”. It does sound pretty bad!

I guess they could just be pointing out that some activities are more fun for walkers (though why they can’t set up an alternative is beyond me - eg have easel boards at floor leve). You could follow up the emails “I’m keen for DC to join a class, are you saying he won’t get as much out of it until he’s walking or that he won’t be able to attend until then?”

@Laquila

I wouldn't discount forest groups - I think they'd be perfect! The beauty of it being outdoors is that surely your little boy can get just as much fun/stimulation from whatever's going on as the walkers? In my experience, forest groups for babies and toddlers involve a lot of sitting around poking sticks in mud and crawling into puddles - he'll have a lovely time!

I was sort of hoping that would be similar in our groups but the 2 local foresty groups seem to do activities he probably wouldn't be able to join in with. One made bug hotels this week and the other did bark rubbings and made dens. They seem to be aimed at older toddlers and pre school aged children.

DD didn't walk til 15/16 months and she wasn't the last out of her little pals. I think they're being really silly!

Not to mention the discrimination... as far as they're concerned my 3yo nephew wouldn't be allowed to attend (cerebral palsy).

@ReggaetonLente

DD didn't walk til 15/16 months and she wasn't the last out of her little pals. I think they're being really silly!

Not to mention the discrimination... as far as they're concerned my 3yo nephew wouldn't be allowed to attend (cerebral palsy).

Thanks for the reassurance. I honestly didn't think he was a massively late walker to be honest and as a PP said even when they walk they don't always choose to walk so no idea why it would prevent him partaking.

It's certainly an interesting thought regarding children with additional needs who cannot walk. A child your nephews age would be just as capable in enjoying a sensory class for example and his inability to walk wouldn't prevent him from moving to the music.

This is ridiculous. I don't see why he couldn't have a go at the art class. Also, don't discount the forest groups. My DS was crawling about on our local common from around 8 months old and having a great time. I put dog paw protectors on his hands to protect them (and so he couldn't pick up sticks/stones etc. and put them in his mouth) and then just let him go. I did have to keep an eye out for dog poo and stop him falling into ponds but he got a lot out of it and slept so well from all the fresh air after hauling himself to the top of big hills . Also even if it's mostly bigger toddlers in the group, your DS will learn a lot from them and enjoy the company.

If you protect their hands, I don't see why crawling babies/toddlers can't go most places that walkers can - gardens, parks, commons, beaches, playgrounds etc. The exception is pavements/roads etc. where I would have them in the buggy, but that's because we live in an urban area littered with rubbish and cigarette ends.

Baby dance, gymnastics, football fair enough. I can't see why art, sensory music class would be a problem? Unless they are worried about your child being trampled on the floor by the more mobile toddlers? Though surely the parents attend too so I still don't see the problem? Hope you find a lovely welcoming class for your child

This is so weird DC1’s groups always had mixed ages/abilities or age overlap so you knew which ones would be more appropriate. Forest School was for any age as they set up activities but you could just pick and choose and do what you liked, even just explore.

Do you have a Gymboree nearby? They overlap the ages for classes and do a family class of all ages up to school-age. It’s great for mobile babies, crawling or walking.

Late walker & talker here - I took him to everything. It never occurred to me that his lack of "ability" in those areas meant he couldn't enjoy things like art or music. He was quicker at crawling than half the others were walking! Given that the average age to walk is 10-18 months it seems it would be excluding a lot of children even before we get to the issue of children with a disability as PP have pointed out.

@Chickenlickeninthepot

Late walker & talker here - I took him to everything. It never occurred to me that his lack of "ability" in those areas meant he couldn't enjoy things like art or music. He was quicker at crawling than half the others were walking! Given that the average age to walk is 10-18 months it seems it would be excluding a lot of children even before we get to the issue of children with a disability as PP have pointed out.

It honestly never occurred to me that his lack of mobility would be a problem either until both groups indicated that it would be an issue.

I've emailed back the art class to ask if it's a case of him not attending at all or if he could still come and participate in as much as possible. Fingers crossed for a positive response as I really think he would enjoy this class the most.

I've also emailed about swimming classes but the local pool only takes groups of 6-8 so I'm not optimistic they will have space.

I do classes for 0-5 and currently offer a baby session for birth to walking and a family session that’s completely mixed. They shouldn’t be discriminating against children who aren’t mobile!

With regards to no trials/tasters best practice (with Covid) is to keep participants in each session the same. As numbers are so limited (I’m running at half capacity) it is easier and more financially viable to make block bookings at present. I’ve reduced my blocks to a max of 6 weeks to try and find a middle ground!

I hope you find a nice group to go to. It kept me sane getting out and about to groups at that age.

Do you have a garden/local friends? One thing you could do when the weather starts to get warmer is invite a couple of friends with similar age children over for messy play in the garden. I'm having two friends and their toddlers over next week for an outside art/messy play session (though ours are older - just turned 3yo) and am planning the following:

• Attach two giant clipboards with A3 paper to the fence and put out some paints for painting.
• Chalks for drawing on the patio.
• Big basin full of bubbles, cups and beakers for water play.
• Jelly and coloured spaghetti in a tuff tray with toy pots and pans.

Should keep them busy for a while and the adults can sit and drink coffee in the garden - win-win!

It won't be long before your baby walks so don't worry about right now. Once he's toddling about you'll be able to join.He is also not the only 16 month old not walking if that is worrying you.

Most groups from what I've seen have a few rules to make life simpler, eg being able to walk, no longer in nappies or whatever. It's nothing personal.

I have no experience of any of it, only going on what younger people have told me (I'd have hated to have to engage with a load of other parents anyway). Your child will be no worse off for not belonging to 'groups' for a bit longer.

Do you have a garden/local friends?

Sadly the people I know with similar ages children have all now returned to work so their children are in childcare during the week.

I'll definitely try to arrange some weekend 'playdates' but weekends are much less monotonous as my DH is not at work hence wanting to find a weekday class to break up the monotony. You're activities sound great though I hope they all have lots of fun and you get to sit in peace and drink a beverage whilst it's still hot.

@Plumtree391

It won't be long before your baby walks so don't worry about right now. Once he's toddling about you'll be able to join.He is also not the only 16 month old not walking if that is worrying you.

Most groups from what I've seen have a few rules to make life simpler, eg being able to walk, no longer in nappies or whatever. It's nothing personal.

I have no experience of any of it, only going on what younger people have told me (I'd have hated to have to engage with a load of other parents anyway). Your child will be no worse off for not belonging to 'groups' for a bit longer.

I'm not at all concerned he's not walking yet but I am surprised to find such restrictions on groups where I wouldn't assume walking would be a requirement. I honestly don't think most groups have such rules and I'd be amazed if any groups where adults were accompanying their child required toddlers to be potty trained before they could participate.