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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Help me solve this mystery

94 replies

Glowhileyoucan · 09/03/2021 12:56

Name change for this as quite outing

What would you suspect if your adult child suddenly appeared to have a good deal of money (think about a few weeks ago asking for petrol money to get to work, to borrow money for food and saying they are completely skint etc) then suddenly turning up in a finance-free top of the range car and talking about going to work part time instead of full time. The stories behind the car purchase have ranged from ‘had a large win’ to ‘it’s on finance’ to ‘I’ve been saving’. The change has been so sudden and bewildering and I’m really hurt because if it’s saving then it’s been partly at my and DH’s expense because we’ve been subsidising her even though we struggle ourselves and also I’m hurt because she doesn’t trust me enough to be honest and we’ve always been really close. She deflects direct questions on the matter. For context she’s 20 and earns in the region of £22K and rents a house with one housemate. Obviously her finances are her business but we’ve always been very open about this sort of thing and she’s happy to question us quite brutally about how we spend our money so the sudden clamming up is usual.

I’m worried that she’s involved with something and would be interested to know other's thoughts on the matter.

YABU = she probably has been saving secretly and deserves nice things
YANBU = there is something untoward going on

OP posts:

Carolina24 · 09/03/2021 12:59

I expect it’s something like it’s on finance but she doesn’t want to admit that in case you disapprove (though there’s no reason to disapprove of buying a car on finance unless the payments aren’t affordable).

I suppose it’s possible she’s had a lottery win or similar but it would be strange for her not to share that with you (share the news that is, not necessarily the money - though I would if it were my parents, especially if they had been supporting me). Is she usually a bit of a closed book?

LittlestBoho · 09/03/2021 13:02

The fact that she's being cagey means it's something she thinks you would be angry at, so maybe it's Only Fans or sex work?

Christmasbird · 09/03/2021 13:04

Sugardaddy, only fans, drugs, fraud, lottery, stolen goods

MacbookHo · 09/03/2021 13:04

The stories behind the car purchase have ranged from ‘had a large win’ to ‘it’s on finance’ to ‘I’ve been saving’.

You must’ve questioned why she keeps changing her story about the car.?

Lsquiggles · 09/03/2021 13:04

My immediate thought was only fans too

spookycookies · 09/03/2021 13:09

Could be a medium lotto win. I wouldn't tell my family as I'd assume they would want/expect me to pay for stuff. Obviously if it was a big win I'd share but not if it was around 50k

Original poster

Glowhileyoucan · 09/03/2021 13:26

Yes I've questioned the various answers but she settled in the end with the explanation that she had saved - but I don't see how on her income she could have. It just seems a bit rich saving whilst borrowing money elsewhere and claiming poverty.

Excuse my ignorance what is only fans?

OP posts:

AIMD · 09/03/2021 13:29

Yanbu
You know your daughter. If you think given what you know about her finances that it’s unlikely she saved up for the car then I’d trust that instinct.

There could be a ton of possibilities. Have you noticed any other changes at the same time? New people she is involved with etc?

AIMD · 09/03/2021 13:30

Only fans is (I think) where people have private content on tik tok that people pay to subscribe to view.

Can you look at all the social media profiles to see if there are clues in there?

MyLittleOrangutan · 09/03/2021 13:31

I'd think either something dodgy or she's massively taken advantage of you.

Some people consider their savings contributions as necessary outgoings, like paying rent. But they save more than they can afford to. So they're skint, because they've put 90% of their disposable income in savings. Could be she's done that.

MacbookHo · 09/03/2021 13:33

Well, she’s shot herself in the foot with her “saving” story as you have a valid reason never to give her money again!

TheWaif · 09/03/2021 13:33

Only fans is a site where you can sell sexual related content. Nothing to do with Tik Tok

AIMD · 09/03/2021 13:35

Oh sorry, see it mentioned on tik tok a lot so thought it was related.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/03/2021 13:36

Well however she's getting the money, your days of subsidising her are well and truely over aren't they?

I suppose if she continues to flash the cash, you can try and drop hints about being repaid the money you've given her, especially as it sounded like you couldn't really afford it plus that she saves some of her new found wealth for a rainy day?

But the fact that she's being cagey is worrying as there's so many dodgy or downright illegal acts that the young and naive or deliberately criminal can get involved in that she could find herself in serious trouble with the law or bad people who will do her harm if she pisses them off for any reason.

Or she could have won the lottery or discovered a new legitimate business interest, but the constant changing of stories and cageyness suggests that this isn't it.

Serin · 09/03/2021 13:38

My kids have small fortunes saved up by living here (rent free) and living very frugally through lockdown. I suppose it could be possible but my thoughts are that she is probably a cam girl or involved with drug running.

Willgetbetter · 09/03/2021 13:40

I’d be worried in your position too. Trust your maternal instincts OP.

WombatWomb · 09/03/2021 13:46

I'd think only fans too.

Rooroobear · 09/03/2021 14:03

I was thinking only fans too. People pay a monthly subscription fee to have access to the persons account where they are able to see photos that are posted to their private page...topless, nudes etc.

CherryTwin · 09/03/2021 14:23

Something untoward going on I'd say. Possibly drug related if she's been skint and then suddenly has this massive sum of money.

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/03/2021 14:26

I’d suspect finance, if she’s being cagey. Either way, she’s old enough to make her own financial decisions and if she had the money for a financed car then she won’t need your help anymore.

Unless you put a lot of hours in to post an awful lot of content and gain a lot of followers over a long period of time (and are above averagely attractive) then it’s really quite difficult to make money through Only Fans. It’s like MLMs, 95% of those claiming to work an hour a day to earn enough money to live the dream, aren’t.

TheBullfinch · 09/03/2021 14:31

Drugs
Only Fans
Escorting
A sugar daddy
A gambling win
Lottery
Fraud/Other crime

When this happened with the brother of someone I know, he was involved in all sorts of crime.

Youllbeoldertoo · 09/03/2021 15:20

I’d like to think it’s savings. Just ask her outright.

Londongent · 09/03/2021 15:24

I would also like to think it's savings, but given that she has previously been asking for money for petrol, is on £22k and her story keeps changing as to where the money has come from, I think it is unlikely to be that.
I would ask her what she knows about Only fans, and try and gauge her reaction.

Nicolastuffedone · 09/03/2021 15:27

Sex worker

LagunaBubbles · 09/03/2021 15:28

What did she say when you asked her why she kept changing her story?

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