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AIBU?

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Original poster

Help me solve this mystery

94 replies

Glowhileyoucan · 09/03/2021 12:56

Name change for this as quite outing

What would you suspect if your adult child suddenly appeared to have a good deal of money (think about a few weeks ago asking for petrol money to get to work, to borrow money for food and saying they are completely skint etc) then suddenly turning up in a finance-free top of the range car and talking about going to work part time instead of full time. The stories behind the car purchase have ranged from ‘had a large win’ to ‘it’s on finance’ to ‘I’ve been saving’. The change has been so sudden and bewildering and I’m really hurt because if it’s saving then it’s been partly at my and DH’s expense because we’ve been subsidising her even though we struggle ourselves and also I’m hurt because she doesn’t trust me enough to be honest and we’ve always been really close. She deflects direct questions on the matter. For context she’s 20 and earns in the region of £22K and rents a house with one housemate. Obviously her finances are her business but we’ve always been very open about this sort of thing and she’s happy to question us quite brutally about how we spend our money so the sudden clamming up is usual.

I’m worried that she’s involved with something and would be interested to know other's thoughts on the matter.

YABU = she probably has been saving secretly and deserves nice things
YANBU = there is something untoward going on

OP posts:
mollibu · 09/03/2021 19:56

I came on to say only fans as well! If you had 300 people paying £10 a month for your content, that's £3,000 a month! (Before tax obviously)

It's so common these days, I know of at least 5 people who have an only fans account. 1 of those is in the top percent of earners! (Thousands of monthly subscribers).

Wherearemymarbles · 09/03/2021 19:59

How much is the car - top of the range skoda at 25k is not quite the same as a top of range 150k porker...

Look up the car and see what leasing costs are

Then stop giving her money....

ihaveallergies · 09/03/2021 20:01

You can earn a lot of money on only fans but she wouldn’t have earned circa £100k+ (Or whatever such a car cost) in a few weeks. Unless the car is financed of course.

Likewise with drug dealing. It’s also improbable that a 20 year old female earned such a high amount selling drugs in a short period of time. Old male drug dealers/hardened criminals don’t profit that much, and they’d probably get robbed and perhaps killed as they neared such a value.

funnylittlefloozie · 09/03/2021 20:04

Drug dealer boyfriend is my guess- so many of these types have the fancy car registered to the GF, and its the GF driving it around, being "seen" in it, and potentially driving them to deals and enforcement business.

I hope she knows what she's getting herself into.

Scbchl · 09/03/2021 20:06

Sugar baby

Ozziewoz · 09/03/2021 20:13

22K is not a lot of money when considering she has rent and bills to pay. THis also will depend very much on where she lives. If she has had to borrow money on a regular basis, then she clearly could not have saved money. Borrowing money, means paying back. Maybe she took out a 10K credit card, and just doesn't want to tell you, as she's a bit pants with money and has to borrow money regularly. She may feel you would be cross thinking she is being irresponsible. It's scary how easy it is to get credit at such a young age with little evidence of responsibility.

ItsMarch · 09/03/2021 20:13

Does her occupation allow her access to accounts?

WeatherwaxLives · 09/03/2021 20:14

Can you do an HPI check on the car to see if it's on finance?

Houseofvelour · 09/03/2021 20:15

My first thoughts were: sugar daddy, drugs or only fans.

I think a proper sit down conversation is in order.

ihaveallergies · 09/03/2021 20:15

Yeah I think it’s either financed (inc loan/credit cards), or someone else bought it for her/is paying the finance for her

Original poster
Glowhileyoucan · 09/03/2021 22:39

The car is not on finance- a friend in the industry with an account did a check today. A bit sneaky I know but I wanted more understanding because of the lies.
She has recently started seeing a guy and there is murmuring amongst her friends that he is a small time dealer.
But what can I do?
She's so proud of herself and her new-found wealth, and very blasé.
When I think of all the times I taught her to value money and helped her out it does make me cross. She is a very materialistic person sadly despite being lovely in so many ways. I worry that she's had her head turned.

OP posts:
Bythemillpond · 09/03/2021 22:51

The car is not on finance- a friend in the industry with an account did a check today. A bit sneaky I know but I wanted more understanding because of the lies

You do know that any check will be visible to your dd if she checks her personal credit file. I had this once with a certain company and successfully gained compensation for the invasion of privacy. This was pre GDPR. Now I think they take these things a lot more seriously. I cannot believe your friend would have been so stupid to do this and you would have wanted them to do this.
If he did it through a company he works for I would expect that his job could be on the line.
You have just got to hope that she doesn’t check within the next year

scalphelp · 09/03/2021 22:56

What car is it though? Or what’s the value brand new? A small time drug dealer isn’t bringing in that much money to buy say a Tesla outright

scalphelp · 09/03/2021 22:57

A top of the range Tesla that is

Original poster
Glowhileyoucan · 09/03/2021 23:09

Bythemillpond
It wasn't a check on her, it was a check on the car reg which anyone can do if they are planning to purchase a vehicle to ensure there is no outstanding credit on it.

OP posts:
grassisjeweled · 09/03/2021 23:15

Mention Only fans and gage her reaction.

What kind of hours does she keep?

GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish · 09/03/2021 23:22

Hope she's safe🤞

Hailtomyteeth · 09/03/2021 23:28

Vice, of some kind.

needadvice54321 · 10/03/2021 00:12

Wow I've never heard of only fans before Blush

therocinante · 10/03/2021 00:22

I doubt it's OF if she's got the money that quickly - you can make a lot but not overnight and they pay out weekly I think, so it's not like she's been waiting for a huuuuge payment after a very successful first month.

Sounds more likely related to the boyfriend which is concerning.

scalphelp · 10/03/2021 00:32

Just going to be honest with you, even low level drug dealers are involved in a very heavy world.

This guy at my uni would casually mention people getting rushed and stabbed (and presumably left for dead) like it was nothing. He flew off the handle really quickly and would get annoyed if someone didn’t reply to his text immediately, even driving over to my halls to confront the person with an entourage for the apparent transgression

She’s entering a dangerous world, they may just see her as collateral damage

areyoumeop · 10/03/2021 01:31

going by the possible options i think you would hope it is OnlyFans and nothing more sinister, i would start a conversation around why money was being borrowed a short time ago

user143677433 · 10/03/2021 01:55

No clues in her social media? I would have assumed she’d be showing off to friends, and they might leave clues in the comments.

HandforthParishCouncilClerk · 10/03/2021 02:06

Sugar daddy.

BlackCatShadow · 10/03/2021 02:31

@Glowhileyoucan

The car is not on finance- a friend in the industry with an account did a check today. A bit sneaky I know but I wanted more understanding because of the lies. She has recently started seeing a guy and there is murmuring amongst her friends that he is a small time dealer. But what can I do? She's so proud of herself and her new-found wealth, and very blasé. When I think of all the times I taught her to value money and helped her out it does make me cross. She is a very materialistic person sadly despite being lovely in so many ways. I worry that she's had her head turned.
Well, surely there is your answer. It sounds like the dodgy new bf bought it for her.

i think i'd leave her be, but keep an eye on her and make sure she knows you are there if she ever needs you. i don't see what else you can do really.