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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Help me solve this mystery

94 replies

Glowhileyoucan · 09/03/2021 12:56

Name change for this as quite outing

What would you suspect if your adult child suddenly appeared to have a good deal of money (think about a few weeks ago asking for petrol money to get to work, to borrow money for food and saying they are completely skint etc) then suddenly turning up in a finance-free top of the range car and talking about going to work part time instead of full time. The stories behind the car purchase have ranged from ‘had a large win’ to ‘it’s on finance’ to ‘I’ve been saving’. The change has been so sudden and bewildering and I’m really hurt because if it’s saving then it’s been partly at my and DH’s expense because we’ve been subsidising her even though we struggle ourselves and also I’m hurt because she doesn’t trust me enough to be honest and we’ve always been really close. She deflects direct questions on the matter. For context she’s 20 and earns in the region of £22K and rents a house with one housemate. Obviously her finances are her business but we’ve always been very open about this sort of thing and she’s happy to question us quite brutally about how we spend our money so the sudden clamming up is usual.

I’m worried that she’s involved with something and would be interested to know other's thoughts on the matter.

YABU = she probably has been saving secretly and deserves nice things
YANBU = there is something untoward going on

OP posts:
GlamGiraffe · 10/03/2021 02:31

Myforsttbpugh was Onlyfans people have earnt vast sums with them over lockdown (accountant who worrks for lots of them). The income can be truly incredible.

justilou1 · 10/03/2021 02:37

Sugar Daddy? Web Cam? Pole Dancing? Something she's not going to tell you about.... I'd be very suspicious.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/03/2021 03:14

Dodgy as hell.

"She has recently started seeing a guy and there is murmuring amongst her friends that he is a small time dealer."
He bought the car to impress her is best-case scenario. Worst-case is he bought it for her to put her under a sense of obligation and he will use that to manipulate her into dealing, prostitution, etc.

PeggyHill · 10/03/2021 03:19

If she has a brand new car that isn't on finance and she couldn't even afford petrol last month then I would be very concerned.

Something is going on here. At her age you certainly can't force her to tell you anything, but I would make sure she knows that you are here for her and she can always come to you for advice, even if she's in trouble and has made poor choices.

Jenasaurus · 10/03/2021 03:29

The thing is, even if she has saved for the car on a 22k Salary that sounds quite hard to do, whilst paying rent etc, but you also said she is considering changing to part time, which implies she has either got a significant windfall or she has another way to earn money.

tolerable · 10/03/2021 04:39

enter reg in a wanna buy it search thing?

joystir59 · 10/03/2021 04:41

Finance is my guess

tolerable · 10/03/2021 04:52

sorry- just got to not on finance...is car registered as hers,? shes 20- am not a driver,but hows the top range being insured?? friends low key deals bloody what??
Is she being the "mule"..We on 5 mile radius lockdown..police no as prone to pull a .young girl,fully comp,no previous...pick up cash/drop off whatever.
sweet.
til goes tits up.
????????????????
maybe

floweryscarf · 10/03/2021 05:13

Does she appear well and happy?

TheBlackTower · 10/03/2021 05:31

With no other information, I would guess a "sugar daddy" / sex work (e.g. through Only Fans). People can be very generous and the car lease may not even be in her name.

TheBlackTower · 10/03/2021 05:32

Apologies, I was wrong about the car finance in my earlier post. With no other information, I would guess a "sugar daddy" / sex work (e.g. through Only Fans). People can be very generous!

Bythemillpond · 10/03/2021 05:34

Could it be leased

We had a very nice car for less than £200 per month
It wouldn’t come up as financed

AbstractHeart · 10/03/2021 05:39

@WhereYouLeftIt

Dodgy as hell.

"She has recently started seeing a guy and there is murmuring amongst her friends that he is a small time dealer."
He bought the car to impress her is best-case scenario. Worst-case is he bought it for her to put her under a sense of obligation and he will use that to manipulate her into dealing, prostitution, etc.

Yeah it's pretty obvious to me that he bought her the car. Or possibly has just lent it to her. Find out more about him OP!
Caramelwhispers · 10/03/2021 05:40

My local Borough has joined up with the local police to do a training course for parents whose children are caught up in County lines etc. Your dd is fitting the profile unfortunately and I'd seek professional help. It's very odd as recently she could barely afford to get to work & now she is considering working part-time.

RandomUser18282 · 10/03/2021 05:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

RedGoldAndGreene · 10/03/2021 09:46

Is she the owner of the car?
I would think sex work/Only Fans.
Worst case scenario is that this car is some sort of way into grooming her into criminal activity. If she crashes it she could end up having to work it off iyswim.
Beat case scenario is the bf being flash to impress her.

TheWaif · 11/03/2021 18:17

@Handsoffstrikesagain

You can check whether a car is on finance online for £3. Anyone can do it. You don’t need a ‘friend in the industry’ To do it. Anyway, that aside, maybe it’s an unsecured bank loan.
No point in wasting £3 if you do have a friend in the industry though Confused
RandomUser18282 · 11/03/2021 20:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ElderMillennial · 11/03/2021 20:15

If it was a lottery win I don't think she'd given all those other answers as well.

She might be into something like sex work.

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