Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a little upset with this?

90 replies

Lillylolo · 24/02/2021 21:47

Went to in laws family party pre lockdown (when we were allowed gatherings)

DH grandfather gave my brother in law money to get us all drinks (our table) brother in law got everyone a drink except me. Saying to DH there wasn’t enough. I didn’t make a big deal of it and got my own drink.

I still can’t help but feel a little out about it.

Am I being stupid?

OP posts:
Youllbeoldertoo · 24/02/2021 21:55

Is there a backstory?

Youllbeoldertoo · 24/02/2021 21:56

I’m more concerned why you’re all letting an old man buy you drinks

Screwcorona · 24/02/2021 21:56

If BIL was any of the men in my family he wouldve paid a couple of quid to include you and said nothing. It was a bit rubbish....but I couldnt let myself still feel this now. Try not to dwell

Original poster
Lillylolo · 24/02/2021 21:56

No Confused we (B in law) don’t have Close relationship but it’s not a bad true other

OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 24/02/2021 21:58

How many were at your table?

Original poster
Lillylolo · 24/02/2021 21:59

6

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 24/02/2021 21:59

He's a dickhead.

Ameliablue · 24/02/2021 21:59

Is there a reason that you can think of that it was you singled out not to receive a drink?

Original poster
Lillylolo · 24/02/2021 22:00

@Ameliablue no the only thing would be that he may have a closer relationship with everyone else

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 24/02/2021 22:00

He should have just added to it to buy you a drink

Pretty rude of him

veryjelly · 24/02/2021 22:02

Yeah, I'd hope BIL would buy your drink. Or DH when BIL told him.

Can understand you feeling upset, but is there really anything you can say or do now? Probably best try to forget and move on.

lockdownbabyx · 24/02/2021 22:02

I mean it's rude, to single you out. However it's not the end of the world, a lot of time has passed since so I wouldn't dwell on it

MonochromeMinnie · 24/02/2021 22:02

I’m more concerned why you’re all letting an old man buy you drinks in my family/social circle the older generation are much better off financially than the younger generation.

RumJerrySailorRum · 24/02/2021 22:04

@Youllbeoldertoo

I’m more concerned why you’re all letting an old man buy you drinks
My 94 year old Aunt has more money than my parents, me and my 3 brothers plus spouses put together.

She likes to buy us a round of drinks when together. She still buts us birthday and Xmas presents too.

Fucking stupid comment.

DeathByMascara · 24/02/2021 22:04

This was pre-lockdown and you're still dwelling on it now?!

Ameliablue · 24/02/2021 22:05

Leaving one person out is odd. I think a normal interaction would be to order all drinks, realise you don't have quite enough, so either add to it or discreetly ask someone else if you don't have it yourself.

ItsDinah · 24/02/2021 22:05

Is it possible he was embarrassed about not having any money of his own and your DH was the one he felt least embarrassed confiding this to?

PrincessTuna · 24/02/2021 22:06

He's an arse. Should have done without a drink himself. Give him the little mug every time he visits from now on.

Ameliablue · 24/02/2021 22:08

@ItsDinah

Is it possible he was embarrassed about not having any money of his own and your DH was the one he felt least embarrassed confiding this to?
In that case would he not have either asked the dh to pay the extra or left the dh out.
XiCi · 24/02/2021 22:09

He's a horrible twat. No other explanation for it.
Didn't your DH say anything to him? There is no way my DH would have let his brother treat me like that. Cant believe he didn't just make up the money. Tight bastard.

Original poster
Lillylolo · 24/02/2021 22:11

I was thinking along the lines of maybe he just bought for blood family but he bought for the other sis in law. So it’s not even that

OP posts:
OrigamiOwl · 24/02/2021 22:11

Your BIL had shown himself (to your and the rest of the people at the table) that he's not a nice person. I'd keep him at arms length in the future.

Usagi12 · 24/02/2021 22:12

I'd still be pissed off at this. It was rude and deliberate. He purposely missed you out in a small group. He had numerous other options, paying himself or not getting his brother your DH a drink if he had no money on him. Mist people wouldn't buy themselves a drink if there's not enough not do this to someone who's married into the family. He's a bully, for whatever reason he has an issue with you. If you feel like you're being sidelined you usually are. There's a reason this is playing on your mind. However you just need to accept he's a dick and put him out of your mind.

PurpleDaisies · 24/02/2021 22:12

Could it have been an accident? Why didn’t you say anything at the time?

SnackSizeRaisin · 24/02/2021 22:14

That is rude and nasty behaviour. He should have left himself out if there wasn't enough money, obviously. Or made up the difference. Any man worth knowing would not leave a woman sitting there with no drink whilst buying himself one from someone else's money. The only excuse would be if he has a learning disability or is very young (under 12 say).