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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit upset/miffed about this - zoom related

81 replies

superstardjherewego · 20/01/2021 19:44

Organised a fun online zoom quiz and some games for DC and some of their friends yesterday after all the homeschool video lessons had finished. Sent out the Zoom invites and got a great response, about 15 confirmed they'd log on.

So, get to yesterday and only 4 actually logged on for it.

At log on time I texted parents to see if they were coming and if so we'd wait for them.

Excuses included:

DC is now doing something else so won't be logging on
We've just popped out for a walk so won't be logging on
We've gone out to Asda now so won't be logging on
Oh we're not logging on now - have fun though!

Am I being unreasonable to think that it's really rude and lacking basic manners to not drop a text saying no longer coming without being prompted? We'd put quite a lot of effort into the whole thing and DC were really looking forward to it with their friends.

One or two people I can understand can't make it as things happen but 11?!?!

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 20/01/2021 19:47

I think the last thing children want to do after working online all day is to spend yet more time online on a quiz.
Next time, arrange it maybe on a Friday evening!

GreenWheat · 20/01/2021 19:48

Perhaps people liked the idea but when it came to it, the reality was a bit much? Personally I would no way do another online thing once school is over, but maybe people wanted to be supportive, in the hope that they could get away with dropping out quietly?

Purplethrow · 20/01/2021 19:49

How old are the children?

Itsnotlikethiswithotherpeople · 20/01/2021 19:51

I wouldn’t be keen on this and my kids are over zoom so would have said no originally, but I agree it’s rude to say yes then not come. I think everyone is probably muddling through and you’ve got the short end of the stick.

Katjolo · 20/01/2021 19:51

Children probably had enough of screen time. Try a weekend perhaps.

BornIn78 · 20/01/2021 19:52

I get why you’re miffed...

I’d have considered something like that a fairly casual invitation, and while I probably would have let you know we weren’t logging on, I’d be thinking it’s not like not turning up to an actual party, it’s not like you’ve spent money on food, party bags, an entertainer, balloons, etc.

After a day of online college my DS sometimes actually wants to get away from sitting in front of a screen and that’s something I strongly encourage.

SnowFields · 20/01/2021 19:52

It is rude but I imagine many parents said yes thinking their child would enjoy it but the child had other ideas.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 20/01/2021 19:56

It’s bloody rude. Why do so many people love to make excuses for inconsiderate behaviour and rudeness?

They knew the day when they agreed. If they didn’t want to do it that’s fine and they should have said no. But it’s so rude to just not do it when the time comes.

I hope your kids had fun with the ones who could be bothered.

FrankieDoyle · 20/01/2021 20:00

Its really rude. YANBU at all.
It takes 10 seconds to send a text.

Stovetopespresso · 20/01/2021 20:24

so disappointing for your dc! but here a mood can turn on a sixpence and I need to get them out fpr a walk etc. agree its a bit flakey though.

user86329 · 20/01/2021 20:26

What are the age ranges?

TheSpottedZebra · 20/01/2021 20:30

Theyd probably not have known that you put the quiz together though - i'd have assumed that you fou d a ready made one online.

It's not great, but it is probably just a case of kids playing up / it had briefly stopped raining / it felt like it wasnt really a real appointment, just a maybe... Its not personal, even though it felt it.

ekidmxcl · 20/01/2021 20:38

It is rude to agree then not log on.

That said, I absolutely hate this kind of thing (sorry) - everyone has spent hours online and then there is more random stuff to log into. It’s tiring and it’s constraining- people want to get outside after lots of zoom and the 11yo needing to do something random when let’s say the mum and brother (or whoever) are waiting to go out would probably lead to me binning off the zoom.

It was nice of you to organise this but zoom quizzes make me want to chuck all the devices out of the window. It seems that this might be common!

BackforGood · 20/01/2021 20:40

I think it is fairly much the way of the world at the moment.

We've been involved in organising things that involve people signing their dc up for fun and different activities.
We've typically had between 200 and 300 sign up and then 120 - 150 actually join in on the day.

Sometimes people forget what day it is, sometimes people lose track of time, sometimes people just feel exhausted by the previous zoom (or other platforms) calls they have been on that day.

This weekend our router stopped working. On a couple of occasions, I've had unexpected family things to deal with that have just seemed more urgent. Sometimes you get someone call you just at the wrong time. Sometimes your child just has a meltdown at the wrong time (and that 'after school / before tea' time was usually the worst for lack of co-operation). 1001 other things - stuff like that happens.
Life is just difficult for people at the moment.

We have decided to just take the positives that the ones who join, enjoy it, and that, maybe next time, some of the other will be able to join.
In truth, if you knew only 4 or 5 were coming, the quiz wouldn't have taken any less time to prepare, so you've not really lost anything.

We all have to cut people some slack these days.

Beautiful3 · 20/01/2021 20:47

Its probably more that, they had already spent all day in front of screens, the last think they want to do is a quiz on screen. Perhaps rearrange it on a sat/sunday instead?

DrinkRefilled · 20/01/2021 20:49

My children would be the ones who didn’t turn up.
They hate anything like that and would much rather play online games with their friends not something a school mum has thought up (sorry it’s a bit cringe)

Quartz2208 · 20/01/2021 20:50

The thing is they probably assumed loads of others would so you wouldnt miss them.

It sounds lovely but I think these things are becoming just too much. They just want to decompress afterwards

PegasusReturns · 20/01/2021 20:54

Choosing an online zoom activity after they’ve all been online on zoom all day is always going to get a mixed response and I imagine most people didn’t feel it was necessary to formally decline.

BooBahBoo · 20/01/2021 20:55

@DrinkRefilled

I felt the same re. the cringe. It's a bit weird and no one I know would have gone for it. I'm surprised even 4 did.

Landlubber2019 · 20/01/2021 20:58

Sorry but at 4pm I would be working and therefore would most likely forget. also after a full day of video call lessons a fun quiz sounds like hell. offer it at 7pm and you are more likely to get my attention !

likeamillpond · 20/01/2021 20:59

People are over Zoom.
Children even more so.
It's no longer a noveltty.

My children would see your quiz as a form of torture.
Ok that's a bit strong. Hmm
But they would be making excuses to get out of it.
I think they shouldn't have accepted the invitations but I don't blame them for ducking out.

WeatherwaxOn · 20/01/2021 21:06

@Smileyaxolotl1

It’s bloody rude. Why do so many people love to make excuses for inconsiderate behaviour and rudeness?

They knew the day when they agreed. If they didn’t want to do it that’s fine and they should have said no. But it’s so rude to just not do it when the time comes.

I hope your kids had fun with the ones who could be bothered.

Yes, this. If they don't want to do it, fine - but people should have the decency to say so at the outset. If they'd accepted without checking with their child that they wanted to do it, even more so.

I had a 'friend' who used to do this sort of thing - arrange something with me and then at the last minute drop out, or text to say they were on their way, then 2 hrs later would say that 'something came up' and they couldn't make it. No longer in contact with them (this isn't the only reason the friendship ended).

Thewinterofdiscontent · 20/01/2021 21:08

How far in in advance was it organised?

Everyone is so bloody bored of the tedium of online meet ups. The lag, the feedback, the frozen ones, the general slowness, the talking over, the mute that takes 5 seconds of waiting to unmute, repeat the questions....

Just why.

Taciturn · 20/01/2021 21:09

The responses on here are really rude.
I'm with you OP
It's not about being on zoom or too much screen time or whatever.
It's about pitching up when you say you will!
This is an important lesson for children, particularly when we are not widely socialising.

EarringsandLipstick · 20/01/2021 21:10

YABU.

It's a nice thought but I'd hate this, so would my kids. It's not like an invite to an actual event & I don't think it necessarily requires 'cancelling'.

Also, I doubt parents would realise you went to all that effort.

In the challenging times we are in, most parents have enough on with work, school & lockdown.