Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit upset/miffed about this - zoom related

81 replies

superstardjherewego · 20/01/2021 19:44

Organised a fun online zoom quiz and some games for DC and some of their friends yesterday after all the homeschool video lessons had finished. Sent out the Zoom invites and got a great response, about 15 confirmed they'd log on.

So, get to yesterday and only 4 actually logged on for it.

At log on time I texted parents to see if they were coming and if so we'd wait for them.

Excuses included:

DC is now doing something else so won't be logging on
We've just popped out for a walk so won't be logging on
We've gone out to Asda now so won't be logging on
Oh we're not logging on now - have fun though!

Am I being unreasonable to think that it's really rude and lacking basic manners to not drop a text saying no longer coming without being prompted? We'd put quite a lot of effort into the whole thing and DC were really looking forward to it with their friends.

One or two people I can understand can't make it as things happen but 11?!?!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 20/01/2021 21:12

I agree they should have said, but how old are these kids, I’m assuming young enough to need parental help.

With home schooling and parents working from home the last thing most would want is to then sit through a quiz, however they should have told you that

Christmasfairy2020 · 20/01/2021 21:13

My 6 year old is attending a zoom magician party on Sunday

converseandjeans · 20/01/2021 21:16

It is rude but I imagine many parents said yes thinking their child would enjoy it but the child had other ideas.

I think perhaps parents said yes & kids backed out. I can see why you're upset. It would be better to say no at the outset.

Don't take it personally - I think people are struggling more with this lockdown.

likeamillpond · 20/01/2021 21:17

@Thewinterofdiscontent

How far in in advance was it organised?

Everyone is so bloody bored of the tedium of online meet ups. The lag, the feedback, the frozen ones, the general slowness, the talking over, the mute that takes 5 seconds of waiting to unmute, repeat the questions....

Just why.

I never got the appeal of zoom in the first place. Other than work meetings, which are a necessary evil, I hopewhen this pandemic is over, we can go back to real socialising and drop this awkward cringy artificial platform of communication.
AdventureIsWaiting · 20/01/2021 21:17

It's rude to say you will do something and then not do it, even more rude to turn up without even a last-minute apology. It's a very self-absorbed view of the world not to just say no in the first place, or to ditch someone for a 'better offer'.

Original poster
superstardjherewego · 20/01/2021 21:18

@Taciturn

The responses on here are really rude. I'm with you OP It's not about being on zoom or too much screen time or whatever. It's about pitching up when you say you will! This is an important lesson for children, particularly when we are not widely socialising.
Thank you @Taciturn. That’s what I trying to convey in my original post. It’s about how rude it is to say you’ll attend something, not turn up and then have to be prompted on whether you’re turning up or not.

I do wonder what example it sets to kids - either teach them to politely decline an invitation or that if you’ve committed to something then you’re committed! Surely it’s not difficult?!

And yes, it was just done as a nice social thing for them, they are 10-11 year olds so wouldn’t have needed supervision as such.

I’m heading off now and taking my “cringe” lockdown activities with me Hmm

OP posts:
NiceGerbil · 20/01/2021 21:19

I think cut some slack it's difficult for everyone at the moment.

Also it's hard to decline an invitation as everyone knows no one has anything to do iyswim.

NiceGerbil · 20/01/2021 21:20

You had 5 there.

I think you should have been pleased at that tbh.

You don't know what's going on in other people's families etc.

Sparkletastic · 20/01/2021 21:21

Busman's holiday innit

LizFlowers · 20/01/2021 21:21

Not everybody's cup of tea, super, though may have seemed like a good idea when suggested. It's not personal. Why worry?

louisejxxx · 20/01/2021 21:23

I don’t think YABU but unfortunately I think most people have either done zoom to death, or find it much easier to duck out of virtual things than they would do if meeting in person.

Crinkle77 · 20/01/2021 21:23

I think it's zoom fatigue. Perhaps the invitees didn't want to say they didn't fancy it at the time. It's not like they can lie and say they've got other plans.

chocolatepowder · 20/01/2021 21:24

We've banned tv and screens in our house during the week for the duration of homeschool. The last thing I want the kids doing after looking at a screen all day is looking at another one. It's a sweet idea to enable them to keep up with friends though but I suspect the timing wasn't great.

museumum · 20/01/2021 21:24

In lockdown 1 we didn’t do any zoom stuff fir dc as I was worried about this, that he’d accept then refuse when the time comes. You can’t force them to join in and look like they’re enjoying it in any useful way.
As a result dc saw no other kids for three months.

This time I’m being more adventurous and accepting invitations but warning the other mum that dcs could maybe flake out on the day and are unreliable zoomers. It’s probably annoying as hell but we’re all just trying to do what we can.

OhCaptain · 20/01/2021 21:26

11-12 is too old to be organising this IMO.

My guess is it was as other posters said. The mums said yes thinking it was great and the kids didn’t want to do it.

Because it’s just a zoom they probably thought it was a casual, come if you can type thing. I wouldn’t have thought it was the same as not showing up to something in real life.

My kids wouldn’t do it. They have to be online for class meetings. They then game with/FaceTime their friends as and when they feel like it.

Zoom calls organised by someone’s mum wouldn’t be their cup of tea! And they’d be mortified if I tried to do it! Grin

chocolatepowder · 20/01/2021 21:26

Other than for homeschool obvs

QueenOfLabradors · 20/01/2021 21:28

Drumroll... we have the Zoom Version of a million threads from pre Covid days. 'Nobody RSVPd to five year old's party but they turned up anyway, dumped and ran and left a three year old sibling behind too!' Or 'Five year old's best friend since nursery days RSVPd with enthusiasm but never showed up at expensive themed birthday party'.

Having said, it's very rude to suddenly decline or fail to appear if you've said you're going unless it's something truly serious. Even for young children, who in any case are being steered by their parents who ought to have learned manners by now.

Chaotica · 20/01/2021 21:28

FWIW I agree with you @sugarestardjherewego and @Taciturn. A lot of Y6s would enjoy this given they can't see their friends. Although I do see how people could have forgotten. It's easy just to lose track of time.

MustardMitt · 20/01/2021 21:33

If the mum's said yes and the kids didn't want to do it, they should have sent a message to decline. It is rude otherwise.

OP I think it sounds nice, my boys are that age and they would probably have liked that.

CarboMama · 20/01/2021 21:33

No, that's rude. The mums or kids should have sent a message to say they're not coming. It's basic manners.

OhCaptain · 20/01/2021 21:36

I don’t think it’s rude.

I would assume that you were having a quiz and if the kids fancied it they could log on. It’s not the same as accepting an invitation in real life.

MintChocAddict · 20/01/2021 21:38

It was a nice thought OP but 10-11 too old for this.
Lots of kids at that stage have phones so can facetime. Many of them will also be online gaming with friends via headsets.
They don't generally need organising by that age and a quiz would be a bit too school like an activity. In my experience they prefer to make their own fun.

Cuntitinthebin · 20/01/2021 21:39

It wasn't mandatory. No one had to say yes if they're "over Zoom" or if their kids have had enough screen time by the end of the school day.

It's plain rude to say yes and not turn up. It's not rude to decline in the first place.

Throwntothewolves · 20/01/2021 21:43

When did you send out the invitations? A couple of weeks ago I'd have thought this was a great idea. Now after battling with home schooling and full time WFH I would absolutely not want to be logging on again, neither would DC. Maybe the families are still working or doing home learning so they can't join in, maybe everyone is just exhausted and it's a bit much after a long day.
It was a lovely idea and I'm sure it's not a reflection on you, but maybe organise it for a time and day that is more relaxed for most families

Anotherducker · 20/01/2021 21:43

It’s not the same as a party though is it. It makes no difference to the op if four children joined or 20. I’d have considered it a very informal invitation and wouldn’t have texted to say we now could no longer join. I say this as someone who normally always RSVPs for all parties. Online get togethers are like a phone call, if you’re available at that moment to talk fine.

Swipe left for the next trending thread