To be a bit upset/miffed about this - zoom related

[superstardjherewego]

Organised a fun online zoom quiz and some games for DC and some of their friends yesterday after all the homeschool video lessons had finished. Sent out the Zoom invites and got a great response, about 15 confirmed they'd log on.

So, get to yesterday and only 4 actually logged on for it.

At log on time I texted parents to see if they were coming and if so we'd wait for them.

Excuses included:

DC is now doing something else so won't be logging on
We've just popped out for a walk so won't be logging on
We've gone out to Asda now so won't be logging on
Oh we're not logging on now - have fun though!

Am I being unreasonable to think that it's really rude and lacking basic manners to not drop a text saying no longer coming without being prompted? We'd put quite a lot of effort into the whole thing and DC were really looking forward to it with their friends.

One or two people I can understand can't make it as things happen but 11?!?!

From my experience of group zooms the kids are totally up for it when you mention it but then on the day they can't be arsed.

I always swerve them when my littley doesn't want to do them as he's just an arse on them when forced to do them and the whole point is that they're supposed to enjoy it, isn't it?

We have one coming up on Friday and I replied with a clear maybe/if he wants to because I really won't be surprised if we don't end up doing it.

hard work

Bad manners. It takes 2 mins to text to say you’re not joining.

It’s the kind of thing I would think was a great idea only discover my dc are horrified at the idea.

Sorry it didn’t work out OP

Oh 11-12 is far to old for this!

I assumed you were talking about 6/7 years old.

At 11-12 DC will organise their own social activities, they really don’t need it to be stage managed.

Where is everyone getting 11-12 from? My post clearly says 10-11 (Y6) not early secondary age kids?!

10-11 is still too old.

It is rude to accept and then not turn up but having said that unless you specified that it was a party I would not normally consider a 10 year olds zoom catch up high priority, so after a day of home schooling I would probably take the opportunity to get them outside or doing something else instead if I could.
And if he was having screen time my DS (also 10) would rather be on Xbox chatting to his pals than in a zoom call organised by someone's mum.
So I do think they're too old for that really

Did the parents accept without asking the children?

Or vice versa?

@SnowFields

It is rude but I imagine many parents said yes thinking their child would enjoy it but the child had other ideas.

I agree with @SnowFields

10-11 is still too old. 🤷‍♀️

OP, I think people have been quick to criticise. It's a nice thing you tried to organise, and a shame for your child who was looking forward to seeing their friends, but I think lots of people have lost enthusiasm for Zoom, and especially after the school day

Zoom quiz is exactly the same now as a lesson, which they have just done for 4+ hours.

Sorry OP, they were rude to not decline at the time, but the zoom quiz as entertainment ship has sailed (and capsized never to be seen again thank fuck)

People are missing the point.

If there are reasons why you don't want to do something that's absolutely fine, but that means that you decline the invitation. You don't say "yes we will be attending, sounds great" and then not bother turning up, wait for the organiser to contact you and ask where you are, and then go "oh, did you really think anyone would be interested in doing that? Of course we were never going to join in, it was a silly idea"

Some people are just rude, OP.

No I don't think people were intentionally being rude, rather that they didn't realise it was an organised activity instead of just a catch up for the kids.
In the first lockdown we did organise a few of these and there was always someone who didn't turn up, which was fine because it genuinely was just a chance for them to chat.

Its extremely rude.

I totally get that people are zoomed out and that kids are playing up and parents want to get them off screens.

But its the equivalent of not turning up to a party when you've been invited.

People aren’t missing the point.

Some people think it’s the same as not showing up to something real, and some people don’t. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Unless the OP made very clear that it was an organised activity which she would be involved in, then it really isn't the same as not turning up to a party.

It's just another zoom call

It doesn’t matter if people have had enough of zoom or don’t want to do a quiz. They said the would attend and didn’t turn up. That’s really rude.

“Turn up” to what? It’s online.

So it's supposed to go

Hello do you really to do a thing on zoom in Friday night
No thanks
Oh? How come. It's not like anyone's doing anything
I don't want to.

I see Op was trying to do something "fun" for the kids...

I also understand why it would be the last thing most kids would want to do.

It is what it is, you have it a shot OP, it didn't work out. Unless your child is crying themselves to sleep heartbroken over it I really wouldn't pay it any attention, personally.

we have the Zoom Version of a million threads from pre Covid days. 'Nobody RSVPd to five year old's party but they turned up anyway, dumped and ran and left a three year old sibling behind too!' Or 'Five year old's best friend since nursery days RSVPd with enthusiasm but never showed up at expensive themed birthday party'.

I, and many, many other posters disagree.
This is completely different.
Leaving a child sitting at a birthday party with no guests is a completely different scenario.

As lots of people have explained, there are lots of reasons why people didn't 'attend', and none of them equate to not turning up, in person, to a birthday party.

I really think these are invited unprecedented times.

How do you say no when everyone knows no one has anything to do?

People are losing track of time, I just have work or not work, I sometimes don't know which day it is.

Lots of people including children are having MH issues.

I have been quite flaky with my friends as I'm struggling. If they got the arsehole about it I'd think they weren't much of a friend.

There's fewer routines etc. If the time for the call is coming and suddenly the rain stops and everyone is feeling ok then you grab the opportunity to go for a walk, do some cooking together, watch a film.

I think if you're going to get the hump about this then probably you lack empathy tbh. Or maybe doing this stuff for some people gives them a feeling of normality and when it doesn't work they react more? Dunno.

Everyone needs to cut each other some slack at the moment.

I would have said yes as it sounds like a lovely idea but at the time the dc are probably chilling and I would get an attack of anxiety about it and pull out. I wouldn't mean it personally but at the moment I find I lose enthusiasm for things that I originally thought would be great. I wonder if lots are the same.

My dc1 is younger than 10/11 but contacts his friends himself on houseparty and plays the online with them. I only organise group quiz things for family members or family friends.