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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a weird gift to give me

88 replies

rooty123 · 19/10/2020 14:14

Birthday was at weekend. Quite a shit one due to Covid but as expected. However, my DM has given me a gift which is still puzzling me.

I hate having photo taken, I'm not attractive, (that's fine, I have other qualities!). I've had a terrible experience in the past with a group photoshoot thing where we were basically locked in studio until we agreed to pay extra for horrific photos. We didn't even have wedding photographer as I find posed shots so awkward. My DM knows all this.

So my gift, which DM spent ££ on, is a makeover photoshoot thing. I can't think of a worse way to spend half a day of free time I don't have!

I've said thanks obviously but how am I going to avoid doing this? Just thinking about it is making me feel stressed. Urgh.

OP posts:
TheDuchessofMalfy · 19/10/2020 14:15

I don’t know the answer but definitely yanbu!

Justlovingthis · 19/10/2020 14:16

It’s an odd present unless you know they’re thinking about getting one so yanbu.
FWIW I had one a few years ago and it was actually surprisingly fun.
It’s very private and no one sees the photos except you.

Laiste · 19/10/2020 14:20

I think i'd ring up and as about canceling and having a refund.

See what they say and then explain to DM how she can get her money back and that after some thought you really didn't feel like it was something you'd enjoy. If she pushes, push back.

Wild horses wouldn't drag me to have a make over and photo shoot Hmm

Laiste · 19/10/2020 14:21

Ring up the venue/studio and ASK about canceling and having a refund that should say.

pigsDOfly · 19/10/2020 14:22

Just more of what you've experienced before from the sound of it.

They give you the makeover, take your photos and then expect you to pay a large sum of money to get anything more than the basic small photos that don't look anything like you

They're banking on the customer bein so thrilled by the way they look in the photos they'll be willing to pay £££ to get their hands on them.

In your shoes I think I'd give it a miss.

IMNOTSHOUTING · 19/10/2020 14:22

I'm not that bothered about having my photo taken but I'd find that excrucitaing too OP! My only guess is that she might have thought this would help you overcome your hatred of having your photo taken? It is a bloody rubbish gift though!

sapnupuas · 19/10/2020 14:23

Ugh. Sounds awful.

And exactly something my mum would get for me.

Coffee4Queen · 19/10/2020 14:23

I sympathise. My mother does things like this all the time, the opposite of what I want saying she’s doing them to make me feel better or more confident. It’s all in my head etc. She never listens and doesn't understand me at all.

Maybe yours think you will see yourself in a different and postive light after the shoot?

Holothane · 19/10/2020 14:25

Awful just awful, cancel and get refund then buy what you want.

RunningFromInsanity · 19/10/2020 14:26

I got this before and it’s really not my thing either!
If it’s through a gift experience company ie red letter days etc you can usually change it to another experience.
I did that and said I couldn’t make any of the dates of the photo shoot.

MrsGrindah · 19/10/2020 14:32

Can I make you smile OP? My MIL still has DHs ex wife’s studio photo on the mantelpiece! We’ve been together 22 years now....

maxelly · 19/10/2020 14:33

Is she somehow trying in a misguided fashion to help you 'get over' your "issue" with photos? A friend's mother tried something similar with backfired spectacularly, friend has a terrible debillitating bug/creepy crawly phobia and her mother bought her an 'insect handling' experience (thinking it might help her in some kind of 'exposure therapy' situation), trouble was that even the photos of the tarantulas and so on on the packaging/voucher caused friend to hyperventilate and ruined her birthday party Shock - it was the surprise of seeing them when she unwrapped it and wasn't expecting it that was worse than anything she said.

You'd think mothers would know best but hey ho, clearly not the case!

CharityDingle · 19/10/2020 14:37

Sometimes those things are a complete money racket. They do whatever on the day, and then expect you to pay a small fortune on top of what has already been paid. I would be upset, tbh, by that 'gift'.

rosesinmygarden · 19/10/2020 14:46

Has the voucher/experience been bought from the photographer direct? Or is it like one of those 'red letter day' type gifts? If it's the latter, you can change the experience.
My MIL bought us a voucher for theatre tickets which could only be used on weekday matinees in term time. I am a teacher... So we swapped it for a posh afternoon tea somewhere instead.

Bluejewel · 19/10/2020 14:55

Could you transfer it to a friend if it’s not from a generic gift company

katy1213 · 19/10/2020 15:02

Not in a million years! Just say thank you but you know I hate having my photo taken - and leave her to sort it out or plague someone else with it.

flaviaritt · 19/10/2020 15:03

Just talk to her. “Thanks so much, Mum, but it’s honestly not my thing and I won’t be comfortable with it. Would you mind if I chose something else?”

maxelly · 19/10/2020 15:03

Also agree with PPs saying that these vouchers are a swizz because you will almost certainly get the hard sell from the studio as a result - the 'voucher' costs very little and once they've done your hair/make up and you've had 30 mins of the photographer's time, they won't make any money or will actually make a loss, so they have to sell sell sell to make a profit.

I did one of these days once with a friend for a laugh and after the 'shoot' they sat us in a room for about an hour with the sales person alternately flattering us with how ammaaaazingly beautiful the photos were, you must have them, 'popping out' to see if a discount/deal could be given (we didn't want one, just wanted the pictures the voucher entitled us to) and finally giving us progressively Hmm Sad Angry faces when we wouldn't shell out the ££££ for the various 'packages' on offer, my friend ended up taking pity on the poor girl and spending £20 so they'd let us leave Grin...we're relatively robust so found the whole thing quite funny but suffice to say those photos are not in pride of place in her house Grin Grin

Beechview · 19/10/2020 15:04

Did she think it could be a lovely experience that could change your mind about photos?

Laiste · 19/10/2020 15:04

@MrsGrindah Shock

I thought my DM was bad keeping a photo up of me on my first wedding to XH (I left him. He was a wanker) when i've remarried 8 years ago. But yours is worse Flowers

BikeRunSki · 19/10/2020 15:05

YANBU at all!!!! Your DM sounds erm.... confused. Have you got a sibling who might really like this?

DeliciouslyFemale · 19/10/2020 15:05

Have you a child or pet? You could take them instead.

I’m now picturing you having walls covered with framed photos of your goldfish. 😁

ViciousJackdaw · 19/10/2020 15:12

@Laiste

Ring up the venue/studio and ASK about canceling and having a refund that should say.
Do this. After all, you are shielding, aren't you...
Derbee · 19/10/2020 15:13

It’s an insensitive gift. Just tell her you appreciate that she got you a present, but she may as well go and have the photos taken of herself, as you can’t/won’t go.

If she already knew how you feel about all this stuff, it was a stupid present to get. Don’t feel bad about her wasting it

nosswith · 19/10/2020 15:21

Unless it was to have a family photo or perhaps as suggested one with a pet, I am with the OP and would not want it myself.

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