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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a weird gift to give me

88 replies

rooty123 · 19/10/2020 14:14

Birthday was at weekend. Quite a shit one due to Covid but as expected. However, my DM has given me a gift which is still puzzling me.

I hate having photo taken, I'm not attractive, (that's fine, I have other qualities!). I've had a terrible experience in the past with a group photoshoot thing where we were basically locked in studio until we agreed to pay extra for horrific photos. We didn't even have wedding photographer as I find posed shots so awkward. My DM knows all this.

So my gift, which DM spent ££ on, is a makeover photoshoot thing. I can't think of a worse way to spend half a day of free time I don't have!

I've said thanks obviously but how am I going to avoid doing this? Just thinking about it is making me feel stressed. Urgh.

OP posts:
whatsleep · 19/10/2020 15:29

You could phone and see if you can exchange it. Maybe a dog photo shoot (if you have one) or one for your children (again, if you have them!).

GabsAlot · 19/10/2020 15:29

its really insenstive and i hate people who try to pressurise you into getting over things

they will try and sell you extra photos they always do

ktp100 · 19/10/2020 15:30

Call and ask for a refund and if they won't maybe ask your Mum if she can gift it to anyone else?

It does seem an incredibly thoughtless gift if she's aware of how you feel about photos. I'm the same and I absolutely wouldn't do one under any circumstances.

You don't have to do something because you were given it, OP. You don't need to think of ways to get out of it because you don't have to do it at all. Just be honest and say you can't think of anything worse and you won't be doing it but thank you for the thought. End of.

Soubriquet · 19/10/2020 15:31

My mum did the same thing for my 16th birthday

Hair, make up and photo shoot to help boost my confidence

It did help, but it’s not something I would choose to do now as an adult

Geppili · 19/10/2020 15:33

Is your mum nice?

oakleaffy · 19/10/2020 15:33

How utterly ghastly. I'd hate it. Who wants a pic of themselves?? Nuts.

Unicorners · 19/10/2020 15:36

Ugh, I'd hate that! Is it a misguided attempt to boost your self confidence perhaps?

Definitely try and get a refund and buy something you actually want!

AcornAutumn · 19/10/2020 15:40

@GabsAlot

its really insenstive and i hate people who try to pressurise you into getting over things

they will try and sell you extra photos they always do

This.
jessstan1 · 19/10/2020 15:41

It does seem odd but maybe she thought you lack confidence in your appearance and she thinks, with a makeover, you might gain some. I don't know, honestly. Most people don't go out of their way to spend money on a gift they know someone would hate and she does know you. In her place I would not have risked it but not everyone is clued up.

You say you are not attractive but you might be more attractive than you think. A professional photographer will know how to bring out the best in you with different lights, sometimes monochrome is effective.

I've known people who think they do not look attractive but really, they are.

CleverCatty · 19/10/2020 15:50

@maxelly

Is she somehow trying in a misguided fashion to help you 'get over' your "issue" with photos? A friend's mother tried something similar with backfired spectacularly, friend has a terrible debillitating bug/creepy crawly phobia and her mother bought her an 'insect handling' experience (thinking it might help her in some kind of 'exposure therapy' situation), trouble was that even the photos of the tarantulas and so on on the packaging/voucher caused friend to hyperventilate and ruined her birthday party Shock - it was the surprise of seeing them when she unwrapped it and wasn't expecting it that was worse than anything she said.

You'd think mothers would know best but hey ho, clearly not the case!

That's ridiculous and really insensitive - it's like my SIL is petrified of mice and rats - screams if she sees one and has been known to sleep in a car when there were mice in her flat.

Her relationship with her DM is fairly good generally but can be a bit strained - usually due to her DM pressurising her to do stuff etc - and I know if this was suggested with rodents it'd be WW3 for a start!

CleverCatty · 19/10/2020 15:51

The only thing I can think of OP is she's doing this to help you get over fear of photo taken and in some misguided way to 'cheer you up'.

Get a refund and do something nicer. Lie to your DM and say all dates didn't suit you.

unmarkedbythat · 19/10/2020 15:54

Oof. I also hate having my photo taken and if someone got me this I wouldn't be able to use it, not in a million years.

AdaColeman · 19/10/2020 15:59

Why not ask your Mum to go with you and have a photo of the two of you together? For one thing it would take the pressure off you as you wouldn't be alone, and you would have a nice memento to share with your Mum.
Alternatively, if you have children, take them along with you to join in the photo shoot.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 19/10/2020 16:00

Ugh, this would also be my idea of a horrible experience. Can't stand anyone doing anything like a 'makeover' on me, and hate having my photo taken.

Give it back to her for Christmas?

Say you don't feel comfortable being close to a make up artist or photographer who have been up close to everyone else?

Did she get it free from somewhere? Or win it? It seems very odd.

AcornAutumn · 19/10/2020 16:06

Raining “ Give it back to her for Christmas?”

Love this idea!

AcornsVsBcorns · 19/10/2020 16:06

Even if she did want to boost your confidence, I am not sure a gift is really a gift if it was bought with the intetion of being some kind of life lesson.

It's not for someone else to decide you are under confident and should improve that.

However, I've been bought a few gifts like this and it's walways just stemmed from sheer thoughtlessness inc from close family). Buying things THEY would enjoy, rather than considering if it would really suit the recipient.

HollowTalk · 19/10/2020 16:07

@AdaColeman

Why not ask your Mum to go with you and have a photo of the two of you together? For one thing it would take the pressure off you as you wouldn't be alone, and you would have a nice memento to share with your Mum. Alternatively, if you have children, take them along with you to join in the photo shoot.
Did you read the OP, where she said she absolutely hated having her photo taken?
ChikiTIKI · 19/10/2020 16:12

Do you have children or a pet that you could get some nice photos of instead?

Blondiney · 19/10/2020 16:15

I would HATE that, in fact it's making my underarms sweat just thinking about it. Luckily my mother has a modicum of sensitivity, in this area any way.

YANBU at all.

AdaColeman · 19/10/2020 16:16

@HollowTalk

Yes, I did read the OP.
Did you read my reply where I made suggestions for mitigating the stress the OP might feel?
You may not agree with my reply, but this is a discussion board.
What reply have you made @HollowTalk that might help the OP?

Cassilis · 19/10/2020 16:18

Argh I had that photo shoot experience too. The fucking bastards put terrible pressure on 2 teens to buy pictures Angry

What’s worse is that the actual photographer was a dick too who was more interested in chatting up the make up / wardrobe assistant and at one point actually told me to shut up Angry

AdaColeman · 19/10/2020 16:20

@HollowTalk
I see you haven't made any reply at all to the OP, so nothing constructive then!

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/10/2020 16:23

My idea of hell too. The only thing worse for me would be a spa day. My sister wasted over £80 on a voucher that went unused.

Cassilis · 19/10/2020 16:23

You know what I think would actually go back to a photo shoot experience and if they tried to give me the hard sell I would be primed to tell them to fuck off Angry I clearly have unresolved issues!

unmarkedbythat · 19/10/2020 16:25

[quote AdaColeman]@HollowTalk
I see you haven't made any reply at all to the OP, so nothing constructive then![/quote]
Calm down, Ada, HollowTalk might have been the only one to say it but she definitely wasn't the only one to think your comment was less than helpful.