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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this a weird gift to give me

88 replies

rooty123 · 19/10/2020 14:14

Birthday was at weekend. Quite a shit one due to Covid but as expected. However, my DM has given me a gift which is still puzzling me.

I hate having photo taken, I'm not attractive, (that's fine, I have other qualities!). I've had a terrible experience in the past with a group photoshoot thing where we were basically locked in studio until we agreed to pay extra for horrific photos. We didn't even have wedding photographer as I find posed shots so awkward. My DM knows all this.

So my gift, which DM spent ££ on, is a makeover photoshoot thing. I can't think of a worse way to spend half a day of free time I don't have!

I've said thanks obviously but how am I going to avoid doing this? Just thinking about it is making me feel stressed. Urgh.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 19/10/2020 16:26

I wondered if she's won it.

I'd try cancelling and if they won't I wouldn't go.

Suggest to your mum that she does it, but you are absolutely not going to.

unmarkedbythat · 19/10/2020 16:26

Sorry. HollowTalk, just realised my quote above will be yet another @ing for you in this thread Blush

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 19/10/2020 16:29

YaDNbu that gift would be my idea of hell. Re gift it back

Italiangreyhound · 19/10/2020 16:32

YANBU but your mum may well think you are attractive and wants a lovely picture of you.

My kids hate being photographed and it makes me sad in the future we will mot have lovely photos of tthem.

Cadent · 19/10/2020 16:33

Calm down, Ada, HollowTalk might have been the only one to say it but she definitely wasn't the only one to think your comment was less than helpful

Why are you piling on @unmarkedbythat ?

Ada didn’t say anything bad. OP didn’t say she there is no way she is going on that photo shoot, she asked how can she avoid it. AIBU has a range of opinions and Ada made perfectly reasonable suggestions, she didn’t tell OP she was being silly or anything.

TheDailyCarbuncle · 19/10/2020 16:35

@Italiangreyhound

YANBU but your mum may well think you are attractive and wants a lovely picture of you.

My kids hate being photographed and it makes me sad in the future we will mot have lovely photos of tthem.

I'd wonder about this too - of course maybe your mum is a shit stirrer or just a bit clueless, but maybe she just wants some nice photos of you?

My view is that photos aren't for the person being photographed, they're for the people who love that person. I had to give my mum a severe telling off for being so annoying about being photographed - she thinks she looks awful, fair enough, but I and her grandkids don't think that and we'd like to have some photos of her. For her to get all silly about it and object is just self-centred and annoying - she doesn't have to look at the photos if she doesn't want to!

ShebaShimmyShake · 19/10/2020 16:38

Sounds like she's trying to get you some photos of yourself that you like, since you hate the way you look on camera. I can see the logic.

Obviously don't do it if you don't want to, but you never know, you might like it. They used to do this awful 80s soft focus, feather boa shite on those things but I think they've updated it now. Maybe ring up and see if there's any obligation to buy photos; I'm guessing not, since it's a gift. Then if you don't want anything, just say you've enjoyed the experience but won't be buying any pictures and don't be afraid to leave.

Cadent · 19/10/2020 16:39

@TheDailyCarbuncle I really think you should respect your mum’s wishes. My mum hates having her picture taken and we never force her. It’s sad sometimes as I would love to have more pics of her but she is entitled to say no, it’s her face!

TheDailyCarbuncle · 19/10/2020 16:41

[quote Cadent]@TheDailyCarbuncle I really think you should respect your mum’s wishes. My mum hates having her picture taken and we never force her. It’s sad sometimes as I would love to have more pics of her but she is entitled to say no, it’s her face![/quote]
My mum totally agrees with me these days and never objects to a photo - in fact I think me telling her to get over herself made her realise that we love her and what she looks like genuinely doesn't matter. That won't be true of everyone of course!

Cadent · 19/10/2020 16:41

Obviously don't do it if you don't want to, but you never know, you might like it. They used to do this awful 80s soft focus, feather boa shite on those things but I think they've updated it now.

I am so tempted to share those pictures, I have the soft focus weird poses ones Grin

The strange thing is now when I look back from my 40s I ask myself why didn’t I realise then that I was so pretty?!

AryaStarkWolf · 19/10/2020 16:41

Certainly a thoughtless gift, agree with others see about a refund or maybe even an exchange for something? Maybe framing or something like that if they won't refund?

BrightYellowDaffodil · 19/10/2020 16:45

YANBU, it's a crap present unless you particularly like that sort of thing (I'd rather chew my own eyeballs than have a 'make over and photoshoot'). Seems far more of a present for your mother than for you.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/10/2020 16:46

That sounds like a stepped-up version of when extroverts grab introverts sitting down at parties and 'encourage' them to have a dance as 'they want them to enjoy themselves' and somehow don't understand that said introvert fully realises that dancing is available, but has chosen not to.

Whatever you do, don't get pictures of your children instead, though - if they give you the hard sell when it's you, just imagine how much they'd ramp it up and lay on the 'heartless parent' guilt if you decline to buy expensive photos of your kids, in front of them.

Don't use it just to make her happy - and in the meantime make yourself miserable. Presents are meant to make the recipient happy, not upset them. If you can't get a refund, ignore it and, if she later asks you about it, tell her you didn't like to say anything at the time, but you were very surprised and quite hurt that she gave you something that she knew would make you uncomfortable. Put it back on her and don't let her try to guilt you.

As PPs have said, she probably didn't pay much for the initial voucher anyway - she gave you a white elephant.

She might be misguidedly trying to 'help' you to 'get over it', but posing for photos is not an essential life skill or necessary duty. If you don't want to do it, you simply don't have to do it, ever - unless you become a fashion model or something, which is clearly the last profession you'd ever choose to go into.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 19/10/2020 16:47

Regift, get others to do it instead or get a refund if possible.

A friend gleefully told me that she gives her daughter the same expensive gift every year even though she knows her daughter hates this gift and tells her every year not to buy it for her - but she likes buying it for her and it's 'traditional'. Her daughter made a big point last year that she not waste her money on the unwanted gift. She still went right ahead and bought it.

Last year the daughter gave her a shit gift back and told her she'd re gifted the mother's gift to someone who'd appreciate it. She told her not to bother buying her anything ever again. My friend was really upset about the shit gift she received and upset she passed on the traditional gift. My friend was upset all Christmas and spoilt it for everyone. She has been excluded from XMAS 2020.

category12 · 19/10/2020 16:52

Maybe she thought it would be a way of erasing the past bad experiences?

Funkyslippers · 19/10/2020 16:53

YANBU - my SIL bought me one ages ago for my birthday. I think she was in the shopping centre and was approached by a sales person for the company and thought "why not? SIL may like it". In reality, I had to make 3 x hour trips across town, one for the photoshoot, one to view the pics and one to collect the photo, plus pay for parking each time. As I took the DDs with me I just chose the freebie of them that it came with and it was quite nice but I wouldn't want another experience of that

Cadent · 19/10/2020 16:53

I think because OP says her DM 'spent ££' on them then the DM has probably paid for a few pics as well.

@MyShinyWhiteTeeth your friend sounds horrible and got her just desserts! Who is she spending Xmas 2020 with?

category12 · 19/10/2020 16:53

I don't know about all the people saying get a refund - wouldn't it just go back on your mother's card? They're very unlikely to give you cash, and definitely won't if she paid by card.

OVienna · 19/10/2020 16:53

@Nanny0gg I wonder if she's won it.

This was my exact thought too.

I wouldn't even have a clue to know where to go to buy something like that. I have only heard about people winning them but didn't they used to send salespeople out on the street to try to convince people to get haircuts/makeovers at a new salon? I can remember being approached for something like this on Oxford Street 20 years ago...

Could it be a regift @rooty123 ? It sounds like a weird gift for your mum too though.

No one wants a picture of themselves alone, IME, unless they're a 13 year old Instagrammer. In which case, have the photo taken with your own phone, right in front of your face!

ktp100 · 19/10/2020 16:54

Why not ask your Mum to go with you and have a photo of the two of you together? For one thing it would take the pressure off you as you wouldn't be alone, and you would have a nice memento to share with your Mum

Who wants a photo of them and their Mum from a shoot, really?!! They'd have to pay me to take those photos!! Grin

Chickenitalia · 19/10/2020 17:03

If you can’t swap it for something you would prefer, or regift to someone who would like it, just ditch it. These things come with so much baggage attached it’s unreal. Your mum may have meant well but it’s your idea of hell and as an adult, you get to choose what you do.

I was given a voucher by a family member who was generous but a bit misguided for somewhere for a birthday, some years back. Valid for a year, in my name only. It would have cost me £50+ to get to the location and then the voucher didn’t actually cover the full cost of any of the things you could do once there. It sat in my bag for that year and when it finally went out of date and I ditched it, a strange weight was lifted. I wish I’d just thrown it away sooner. They never asked about it, if they had I would have said I wasn’t able to get there so it expired.

Sorry you got a rubbish present from someone you would hope to know you better.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 19/10/2020 17:05

@Cadent
your friend sounds horrible and got her just desserts!
That's what I told her! I think she imagined it to be a joke between them and she misjudged how much her daughter hates this gift. It's a bit of a showy, prestigious gift.

Who is she spending Xmas 2020 with?
It hasn't blown over yet and she has been fishing for an invite from me. I've told her a very definite No!

cheesemongery · 19/10/2020 17:19

Bless her, she's been on Groupon. Can't imagine anything worse either.

diddl · 19/10/2020 17:20

"your mum may well think you are attractive and wants a lovely picture of you."

So why not just a pic, why a makeover as well?

Or talk to Op & sort something out together?

Anyway, if her mum wants a pic, why wouldn't she tell Op that that is what she would like from Op at some point?

Original poster
rooty123 · 19/10/2020 17:27

Thanks all. My mum is nice and usually gives thoughtful gifts which is why this is strange. I wasn't sure if I was being ungrateful but it seems like no one likes these.

It was definitely purchased.

I don't enjoy being photographed but there are plenty of snaps of me so don't think it's for her.

I'm a massive scruff so part of me thinks in attempt on her part to try and polish me a bit.

Yes thought these were the things you find in raffles only!

Think I'm going to try and exchange it for one of the many other fun looking activities.

OP posts: